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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What to do?

159 replies

NSBZA · 04/09/2017 07:34

Hi all,
Not sure how to approach next-
DH's brother got married recently- I was 8 months pregnant- so only attended for a few hours with my two other DC.
As soon as I and DC walk in- had all of DH's family assault us with taking a million pictures of us.
As I didn't take any due to watching over my DC and DH being busy- I swapped numbers with DH's relative so she could then forward pictures to me afterwards.
I waited a few days for her to do- but nothing.
I text her to do so- first she came out with excuses- saying haven't had a chance etc etc
Then completely blanking my messages.
It's now been a couple of months and still nothing- no contact. (Yet she regularly checks my snap story).
I am really angry with myself for allowing them access to my children and giving permission for them to take pictures- and foolishly thinking they would be shared back with me.
I have no pictures of me and my DC and DH from the wedding.
It is really upsetting and I don't know what to do now?

No stupid comments.

OP posts:
Gorgosparta · 04/09/2017 08:08

@Gorgospartaplease don't comment.

Why? For asking a question?

Op, i really think you need to some support.

I am inclined to put down your over reactions and complete rudeness down to whats happening with your youngest. It seems to be a distraction technique.

xyzandabc · 04/09/2017 08:08

If 'the whole family assaulted you and took a million photos', that suggests there was more than one person taking photos.

Just ask one of the others who took some photos. I'd just message all of them with a friendly ' It was lovely to see you all at X wedding, I know some of you took photos of the day, stupidly DH and I didn't get round to taking any, would love to see any that you might have taken. Thank you NSBZA'

I suspect that there's far more to this story than posted. Who 'gives access to their children and permission for photos' to family at a wedding? People take photos at weddings, it's normal, it shouldn't require permission or access to children. It just happens quite naturally.

Why on earth couldn't your dh ask one of them? Are you low/no contact for some reason so they don't see you often? Your OP makes it seem like there's some awkward dynamic going on between you and DH family.

Pengggwn · 04/09/2017 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NSBZA · 04/09/2017 08:10

@Gorgosparta
Again Please DONT COMMENT.
If anyone is being rude it's you.

OP posts:
Original poster
NSBZA · 04/09/2017 08:13

@xyzandabc yes there was everyone taking pictures- but this relative in particular agreed to take pictures on my behalf for me and is now completely ignoring/blanking any contact from in regards to sharing them back and I do not have any of the other relatives contact numbers and they never agreed to take pictures in my behalf

OP posts:
Original poster
NSBZA · 04/09/2017 08:14

And yes no contact. Only went to the wedding for a few hours for DH's sake.

OP posts:
CosmicPineapple · 04/09/2017 08:15

NSBZA

You cannot tell people not to comment. Open forums do not work like that.

You can be angry and upset but it will not change anything.
Its better for you to let it go.

EdmundCleverClogs · 04/09/2017 08:17

NSBZA, you really can't tell people how to comment on threads, you will get less support if you carry on with this attitude. Personally I too don't understand why you couldn't have taken your own photos, had you no phone/camera on you on the day? It's not up to other relatives to go hunting for them, and if your husband won't chase them up, well not much you can do.

Gorgosparta · 04/09/2017 08:17

I get that you will tell me not to comment again.

But your Op mentions nothing of past problems and states you went for only a few hours because you were pregnant. Not because of issues with the family.

Its really best if you put all relevant info in the op.

Anyway. I am out. Hope you make peace with this Op.

Original poster
NSBZA · 04/09/2017 08:18

@CosmicPineapple I think I can if the person is saying the same useless thing over and over again and not actually helping to give any advice that is relevant to the question asked.

And thank you for your concern for your fellow poster.

OP posts:
NoMoreDecorating · 04/09/2017 08:19
Hmm
Pengggwn · 04/09/2017 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rinoachicken · 04/09/2017 08:20

Not really sure what you want us to say?

There's obviously some huge backstory here which you have chosen not to share but that doesnt help anyone trying to help you because it seems like whatever we say is taken as rude or an insult or not applicable to your situation (which we don't know about!).

In all honesty, if they are not responding to you, then you are not going to get he photos. There's nothing you can do about it so you will ultimately have to let it go.

And I agree with PP that the stress and anxiety you are presumably feeling over your babies illness may be affecting you response here - subconsciously you may be channelling all your energies into the photo thing because the reality of your babies situation is understandably too distressing.

Please be kind to yourself, I do feel for you, you are having a tough time by the sounds of it and it sounds as though you and your DH have had a rough time with family in the past. Flowers

CosmicPineapple · 04/09/2017 08:22

CosmicPineapple I think I can if the person is saying the same useless thing over and over

No you cant.
Posters can comment regardless of what you say.
You are coming across as rude not sure if that is intentional or just the way you behave.
I do wonder if you came across to the family in the same way and that is the reason they are ignoring your messages?

Original poster
NSBZA · 04/09/2017 08:22

@EdmundCleverClogs if you read through the thread- this relative agreed to take pictures on my behalf on the promise of sharing them back with me as the pictures were of me and my DC and I didn't have the time or chance to take pictures as I also had to use my crutches while holding onto my 2 DC.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/09/2017 08:24

Op. This is slightly unusual to say the least.

As pp said, you cannot dictate who can and cannot comment on a public forum and the poster in question has done nothing offensive.

As for the subject of the thread, it seems a very minor thing to get upset about and your terminology is discomfiting, access to children, assaulted etc. You're describing it like you are Victoria beckham walking into a papparazi scrum.

I wonder if you need some more support in coping with what's happening in your life right now. do you feel you are adequately supported or would it be worth asking for something more?

Original poster
NSBZA · 04/09/2017 08:24

@CosmicPineapple you don't know me or what I've been through or lived my life to make comments like 'I do wonder if you came across to the family in the same way and that is the reason they are ignoring your messages?'

OP posts:
CosmicPineapple · 04/09/2017 08:27

It was a question. Hence the ? At the end.

I am afraid that whatever you have been through does not entitle you to be rude to people.
We all have our own crosses to bare OP.

Witsender · 04/09/2017 08:28

Well, it does sound very odd in the absence of any other information, surely you can see that?

Family members taking photos is an assumption, attending a family wedding is allowing access, months later despite a child being ill you are still worrying over it and wondering what to do next instead of just forgetting all about it, your husband can't ask... surely you can see that this isn't a normal pattern of thought and action?

MurielsBottom · 04/09/2017 08:28

It doesn't sound like any advanced be given op. More like you are upset and any solutions offered are not possible. If that is the case then you have to make your peace with the situation in your own way. Perhaps by not allowing a reoccurrence?

Neutrogena · 04/09/2017 08:28

OP says
It is bothering me 'months later' as I then went on to a my baby and my baby is not well- so excuse me for prioritising my child's health while living in hospitals and then trying to deal with this after

Your child's health has nothing to do with it.
It won;t make us agree with you, but of course we feel sympathetic.

SemiNormal · 04/09/2017 08:33

OP Are you famous? I'm sorry but other than that I'm not sure why your relatives would descend on you to take pictures of your children in a manner that would leave you feeling assaulted?

Original poster
NSBZA · 04/09/2017 08:35

For everyone taking it out of context let me re-phrase my initial question-
What would you do next after trying to contact someone numerous times to get the pictures that they promised to share back with you and haven't

OP posts:
SilverBirchTree · 04/09/2017 08:35

OP you sound kind of dramatic and controlling. You're even trying to control this AIBU thread...

In terms of the photos - YABU. It's mildly annoying when people don't share photos but not worth getting upset over. Was there a professional photographer at the wedding? It can take months for them to send through those photos, maybe the family haven't received them yet.

You know your own mind, but if I was finding myself obsessing over something this unimportant, I would ask myself whether my upset was really about something else.

EdmundCleverClogs · 04/09/2017 08:36

NSBZA, apologies, didn't mention you were on crutches. Could your husband not have taken photos? It's just seems strange to me that you relied on relatives you obviously do not like or trust to pass on photos of the day, I personally would have just tried to take a few of my own/had husband do it. That would have avoided having to even speak further to the family, though again it's really up to your husband to chase up his own family, as they obviously won't respond to you. Hindsight is a wonderful thing though. I'd also let it go, concentrate on what's actually important at the moment.

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