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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how you deal with people who just don't stop talking?

93 replies

MainFlamingo · 03/09/2017 22:13

I am normally quite an assertive person but there are two people who both talk relentlessly that I cannot avoid, and just wondered how you deal with people like this?

Person A is an ex colleague of mine (who was known at the workplace for talking and doing no work), and is now a neighbour. Whenever she sees me she starts talking rather like Mr Chatterbox does in the Mr Men books! On and on and on. It's impossible to get a word in edgeways. If I excuse myself or say I'd better be going now she carries on talking. If she does this then I start slowly walking away whilst saying things like 'Got to be going now, see you soon' and she just talks at me until I've walked away. It sounds easier to get away from her than it actually is; I find it really hard to get away from her. She stands really close to me and keeps constant eye contact.

Person B is the grandfather of DS's school friend who picks DS's friend up from school 3 days each week. He always manages to find me at pick up and talks and talks. His talking as well as being constant talking at me, is full of put downs and digs about DS and I. Again it is really hard to avoid him as he lives near to us and so walks home the same route as us from school and as the boys are good friends they want to walk together. When it's time for me to walk to my house and him to walk to his the boys are always talking and playing and the grandfather keeps rabbiting away and as with person A I have to physically say 'See you tomorrow then' and walk off! Sometimes he still keeps talking to me once I've crossed the main road to go to my house! He's not lonely, he has a wife, children, grandchildren, and an active social life so I know it's not that.

How do you deal with this type of person? Obviously my preferred method is to just avoid them and believe me I do a lot of sneaking around to avoid them, but it's not always possible. I also get really panicky being talked 'at'; I really hate it, and feel resentful that someone is basically just stealing my time talking at me.

OP posts:

user1490607838 · 03/09/2017 22:16

I'm not gonna lie, I do actually avoid people like this.

I hate people who talk talk talk, and you cannot get a word in edgeways. And when you actually get a word in (or two!) you can see their eyes darting from side to side (mostly away from you,) as they are desperately waiting to talk about THEMSELVES again!

No advice sorry OP, just avoid them!

Neolara · 03/09/2017 22:19

I try to avoid them as much as possible. I cannot bear people who talk at me instead of with me.

Maelstrop · 03/09/2017 22:21

The grandad bloke, every time he makes a dig about your ds, punch him stop him and say ' I don't appreciate you saying.....' or better, say 'Do you realise that all you do is insult my ds and I?' Make him stop and think.

As for the neighbour, I would breeze past, shout in passing that you're off or must rescue the meal in the oven, can't stop and don't! I tried walking away from someone similar yesterday, she ruddy followed me! I got in the car and physically left. She was still talking! It's infuriating and it's always about her, she never asks me anything.

Nomorechickens · 03/09/2017 22:23

Don't smile and nod when they talk. Look away and look bored. Say "I've got to go now, bye", smile and walk off quickly without looking back. Stop being polite.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 03/09/2017 22:23

Headphones?

Kettricken · 03/09/2017 22:24

I have a regular customer at work like this. I hold the record of 3 hours and 12 minutes with her on the phone, she would not shut up! She's almost as bad in person.

MikazaMikaza · 03/09/2017 22:25

I avoid them. There's a couple of people like that at work so I avoid the staff room and either skip lunch or eat at my desk just so I don't have to sit there and be talked at.

Original poster

MainFlamingo · 03/09/2017 22:30

Maelstrop, my neighbour follows me too! The other day I saw her in the local shop and she started talking at me in there, followed me to my car when I put the shopping in there, then walked with me to the post office and talked at me while I queued and sent a parcel, then walked back to my car with me, all the time just talking crap!

OP posts:

evilharpy · 03/09/2017 22:30

My mum is like this. It's not all talking about herself (in fact very little of it is) it's just pointless inane chatter about everything and nothing. She cannot cope with silence at all and has to fill it. I think when I lived with her I must have been able to block it out, as I know my dad still can, but now when I visit I find it incredibly hard to cope with. She's a lovely kind person and I love her enormously but I do really struggle with the constant noise. Luckily it really is just noise and doesn't usually require any input from me, she talks at me rather than to me, so I don't need to pay attention.

tigercub50 · 03/09/2017 22:33

I had this once with a lady walking her dog. In the end, I actually felt quite panicky because she just went on & on & on. It could even be a mental health problem in some cases. I was backing away from her & she didn't even pause for breath! If it's not to do with a condition, it's extremely selfish behaviour.

ClemDanfango · 03/09/2017 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GladysKnight · 03/09/2017 22:37

Aaargh, I hate this too. Don't have anyone in my life as bad as these two but my dsis is a bit of an offender - on the phone mainly, not so bad if given RL cues. She talks about herself almost non-stop, if I can be bothered to assert myself interrupts to go back on about herself, or even one of her neighbours/colleagues who can be discussed on a connected topic. I noticed today that when I did talk about myself for once, she yawned conspicuously throughout.

she honestly is a nice, gernaous person and I suspect she has no idea she does it - if challenged she would probably argue that she lives by herself and so has 'no-one to talk to like I do' but actually she seems to spend all day going round from neighbour to neighbour when she's not at work.

Sorry that was a bad derail, realise I needed to vent!

with the dreaded A & B, could you try wearing earbuds playing music, and singing along to yourself? (If questioned, say oooh it really helps me relax, never thought o doing this before, I love it, I used to listen all the time when I was a teenager etc') Are the dcs old enough to listen out for cars etc themselves?

SheldonsSpot · 03/09/2017 22:38

I think you just have to avoid these people.

I have ended a friendship with an ex colleague after yet again meeting up with her and another ex colleague for lunch, and realising at the end of the meet up that we'd basically been subjected to a 3 hour monologue from her - I doubt she could tell you a single thing about what's going on in my life but I know the minutiae of hers. When I tried to direct some chat towards myself and our other colleague, you could see her grasping for even the most tenuous link to bring the conversation back to her again.

Even being blunt with these type of people doesn't work. Just avoid as much as possible.

GladysKnight · 03/09/2017 22:41

And no, don't be polite! I cut across my sister sometimes, otherwise I'd be stuck listening for hours. I have to interrupt just as she starts on a new topic and say 'Oh i have to go' and though she doesn't stop, she does start to wind down after three repetitions. As these people probably aren't as invested in you as my dsis and I are in each other, it doesn't really matter if they think you are rude, cold and unfriendly (like everyone else presumably is in their world...)

upaladderagain · 03/09/2017 22:42

I used to have to see someone like this in a work capacity- 10 minute appointment slots running in to an hour and having to be rescued by colleagues.
He was murdered. Bit drastic.

Time40 · 03/09/2017 22:42

If I excuse myself or say I'd better be going now she carries on talking. If she does this then I start slowly walking away whilst saying things like 'Got to be going now, see you soon' and she just talks at me until I've walked away. It sounds easier to get away from her than it actually is; I find it really hard to get away from her. She stands really close to me and keeps constant eye contact.

I know one of these! My father's neighbour. Now, if I see her coming towards his house, I actually physically hide. I've been known to crouch down under the kitchen units.

Time40 · 03/09/2017 22:44

What I meant by saying that I know one of these is that she's exactly the same - stands very, very close and keeps the constant eye contact.

blueskyred · 03/09/2017 22:44

avoid eye contact.. sunglasses.. headphones/earphones.. pretend to be on the phone.. say you're running late

Donttouchthethings · 03/09/2017 22:45

My mum can talk a lot and I now actually say things like, "Gosh, you're talking ever such a lot." She gets that. Sometimes you have to be direct.

Other times, if I'm feeling humorous, I'll say something like, "Let's see how long we can be quiet for!" You've got to be upbeat about it though - no need to be mean.

yorkshireyummymummy · 03/09/2017 22:46

I think the question that needs answering before we can help you is - are you assertive enough to do what Maelstrop says and just keep walking while saying ( talking over them if need be) " sorry, can't stop busy day/ appointment/ something in oven/ waiting for phone call/ going out/ need the loo/ etc etc etc. Or are you looking for other ways? You can't spend your life sneaking round ( I'm imagining you peering round hedges) so the earphones sound a good idea. As for the older chap at school, I don't know how you keep quiet if he is having digs at you and your DS. I would have to say something to him. Could you maybe stand with some other mums at pick up time who will ' protect' you until he finds another friend victim ? Or maybe when your DS comes out of school then talk to someone else for five minutes until the grandad miserable old bastard has left? Unless you make it clear to him though that you will not listen to him being rude then I fear you are stuck with him.
I think you are more than capable of dealing with him though and so I would think of things that I planned to say to him once he starts on his monologue. Just because your children are friends does not mean you have to be subjected to someone being rude and mean about you and DS.

gamerchick · 03/09/2017 22:48

Get real close to them, inhale deeply and say 'mmmmmmm you smell like you have a flavour' then lick their face slowly.

I have actually thought this with my jabberbox

millifiori · 03/09/2017 22:51

Put earphones in with music on. That way you can just listen to what you want and they can rabbit on. My dad is like this. Always has been. I once pretended to faint to see how long it would take him to notice and it was a good five minutes of him rambling on before realising I was face down on the floor. I used to listen for agonised hours as he'd get all hurt and sulky if you interrupted him. Now I just put a hand up, say, 'Hang on' and walk out of the room or cut in loudly with a relevant question.

lorisparkle · 03/09/2017 22:56

I'm afraid I would just avoid - find a different way home, make excuses, etc. I am a bit of a wimp at confrontation

Where we used to live there was a neighbour who talked and talked and would invite herself in and end up staying for tea. One day when I looked out of our upstairs window I saw another neighbour hiding behind their car to avoid her!

HobbiesKeepMeSane · 03/09/2017 23:04

So what do you do if confronted by someone like this and you cannot avoid? I go to a stitching group, it's lovely, no snide comments, no bitchiness or nastiness, everyone helpful and generous with their expertise. Never ever have I heard anyone say anything mean about anyone not attending that week. I love it.

A couple of months ago a lady who has recently moved to our town came to join us and she has altered the whole dynamic of the group. She never stops talking, has an opinion on everything anyone else says and fills the whole room with constant noise. Before she joined there was sporadic conversation interspersed with calm quiet, with just the sound of swishing fabric in tyhe background. Now, I can sense the underlying tension in everyone and most weeks there are poeple (who never usually miss coming) who just dont turn up.

It is no exageration to say I would like to scream STFU to her the minute she walks in the door. If anyone has any tips in how to deal with this I would be very grateful indeed, as I'm not sure our lovely, been in existence for 25 years group, will survive much longer

viques · 03/09/2017 23:06

I have a similar problem with a friend, she interrupts every story I start (sometimes I only get about two sentences out) with a similar story about her, or someone else she knows. I was telling her about an exhibition I saw recently , which I know she hasn't seen yet, and blow me down she starts talking over me , telling me what another friend thought of it. I was so fed up I said " x, you interrupted what I was saying and then talked over me" and blow me down she shut up!! I don't think this will be a permanent solution, but I was amazed, and pleased with myself.

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