To ask how you deal with people who just don't stop talking?

[MainFlamingo]

I am normally quite an assertive person but there are two people who both talk relentlessly that I cannot avoid, and just wondered how you deal with people like this?

Person A is an ex colleague of mine (who was known at the workplace for talking and doing no work), and is now a neighbour. Whenever she sees me she starts talking rather like Mr Chatterbox does in the Mr Men books! On and on and on. It's impossible to get a word in edgeways. If I excuse myself or say I'd better be going now she carries on talking. If she does this then I start slowly walking away whilst saying things like 'Got to be going now, see you soon' and she just talks at me until I've walked away. It sounds easier to get away from her than it actually is; I find it really hard to get away from her. She stands really close to me and keeps constant eye contact.

Person B is the grandfather of DS's school friend who picks DS's friend up from school 3 days each week. He always manages to find me at pick up and talks and talks. His talking as well as being constant talking at me, is full of put downs and digs about DS and I. Again it is really hard to avoid him as he lives near to us and so walks home the same route as us from school and as the boys are good friends they want to walk together. When it's time for me to walk to my house and him to walk to his the boys are always talking and playing and the grandfather keeps rabbiting away and as with person A I have to physically say 'See you tomorrow then' and walk off! Sometimes he still keeps talking to me once I've crossed the main road to go to my house! He's not lonely, he has a wife, children, grandchildren, and an active social life so I know it's not that.

How do you deal with this type of person? Obviously my preferred method is to just avoid them and believe me I do a lot of sneaking around to avoid them, but it's not always possible. I also get really panicky being talked 'at'; I really hate it, and feel resentful that someone is basically just stealing my time talking at me.

I used to work with someone that wouldn't shut up. She could not read social cues at all. I felt so mean but I had work to do and even turning my back to her didn't work. It takes a kind of arrogance to think you are so interesting that you have so much to say and not realise that you are boring the tits of people and that is why they are just answering 'hmm', 'I see' etc rather than actively engaging with you.

We had someone at work like this, she would even talk when I was on the phone to someone else ridiculous, you have to just ignore them and be rude. I do feel a bit sorry for her but at the end of the day I don't have time at work to listen to her talk rubbish for hours on end...

I have been known to lose it and blurt out "Do you EVER shut up and draw a breath".
I have a low tolerance (and it's getting lower as I get older) for this kind of malarky. Frankly people like this have zero self-awareness and the usual hints just don't register.

Anyone who this is I'm being rude or cruel - this is how much I care

*thinks, not this

First one you need to be blunter. No sidling, no 'oh look there's a badger!' Etc. just walk away. As she's a neighbour you probably don't want the nuclear option, just look glazed, say 'I'm off, have a lovely day' and walk away.

Second, pick up on every dig and repeat it back to them 'oh ds does this? Are you saying ds does his? Hey Sandra! (Call nearest person over) he says ds does this, didn't you?

Just go on and on and on about it way past the point of anyone being comfortable. For every single point.

You could also cough right in her eye contacty face. Or sneeze. Or talk over them.

"Oh look there's a badger" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂👏🏻

You need to introduce rude grandad to your next door neighbor, then run away and watch from a distance

My mum's breezy 'Ah well I'd better let you get on!' then walking off is a classic escape technique

They are the ones being incredibly rude, so you mustn't let the fear of being rude in return prevent you from getting away if you don't want to be stuck speaking to them. I suspect that they know they're being rude and rely on others being afraid to offend by escaping. If someone doesn't respond to the usual conversational cues that indicate they're speaking too much or making me feel trapped I feel no shame in brightly saying 'well been lovely to catch up I must get off now, bye!' and walking away even if they're carrying on talking. Feels a bit weird the first few times but you get used to it. I refuse to be trapped in a conversation I don't want to be in. If it's a serious repeat offender I have sometimes brought it up to them and said 'I don't know if you're aware of this, but do you realise that when we speak you just give a monologue without allowing me space to speak or being interested in anything I have to say?' And see what they say. Remember: THEY are the ones putting you in a position where it's almost impossible to extricate yourself gracefully.

"I am normally quite an assertive person"
There's a suggestion in there that you know you are NOT being assertive with these two people, so I would have a think about why you are not. What is there about them that makes you less assertive? Is it pity? Or do you feel in some way obliged to give them your time? Is it because you've know A a long time and B is old? Have a think about it, and then give yourself a stern talking to, because whatever the reasons, they are not good enough to allow yourself to be subjected to this barrage. But knowing what your reasons are, will bolster you in countering them.

When dealing with someone who doesn't even stop for breath, I find it useful to MAKE THEM PAUSE out of sheer surprise - so I touch them. No, not like that you dirty-minded bunch ! A gentle laying of my hand onto their forearm is fine. We are very unused to physical contact in the scenarios described, a hand on their arm breaks the bubble, so to speak.

And having surprised them and brought about a momentary break in the monologue, you need to get right in there immediately.

With neighbour A, she will probably have broken eye-contact by looking down at her arm. Be blunt(ish). "A, I have to go now. Bye." Then move away . Not slowly, not backing away. Turn your back and walk at your normal speed. If you hear her start up again, ignore and keep walking.

With arsey-grandpa B, do the touching immediately after he has a dig at you. Then follow the suggestion of Anatidae - "pick up on every dig and repeat it back to them 'oh ds does this? Are you saying ds does his? Hey Sandra! (Call nearest person over) he says ds does this, didn't you? Just go on and on and on about it way past the point of anyone being comfortable. For every single point. " Because with him, it's not just the incessant talking at you, it's what he's actually saying.

The normal rules of politeness do not apply here. If they are so unaware of their own rudeness, they can hardly call you out for it either.

(Although I have to say, the idea of licking their faces as suggested by gamerchick definitely appeals .)

Lola have you been eavesdropping on me?

Agree with PP - strategies for neighbour would be simply walking off, waving, shouting "Must get on!"

The grandad sounds like more of an issue but as he is so rude I would be tempted to fall out with him - just say "That's very rude, I don't know why you would say something so horrible" and walk off. The boys probably won't even notice.

Or headphones.

Or imaginary mobile phone conversations whilst you wave them away and run off.....

My MIL was like this, she'd even follow me into the loo, talking talking talking inanely. I thought at first it was simply that no one listened to her (her dh didn't, and nor did her ds) so I tried engaging and actually trying to make it a conversation, which she took rather badly.

I have, to my shame, found myself doing the same - it was a few years ago now, and I hope I've stopped and returned to being the same person I used to be, the one who listened more than spoke. I have no idea how or why I fell into that awful place (likely to be ms related, with some connections not working properly), anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm out of it now.

mmm... tricky... are you all so confident that you never do this?
I have had phases in my life when I perhaps monopolise. I watch myself - especially if feeling anxious where blabbing can occur...
I have a neighbour who is tricky to get away from. However, she is lonely and think just needs to talk sometimes. Mostly I let her unless in huge hurry...

I run out of Sainsburys on the rare occasion I see my ex-next door neighbour because she talks at and over you. Been caught twice and even 'bored face' doesn't shut her up. When I lived next to her I used to count the number of times she talked over me for entertainment when I didn't have other stuff to do. Alternatively, my body would attend the talk but my thoughts be elsewhere. She never noticed. We called her 'The Talking Head'.

I have ADHD so can yak for GB at times. Long and rambling, with multiple diversions, and often forgetting the thing I wanted to say; lasting mere moments in time for me, but an eternity for others. However, I know I do this so preface chats with a 'Make the sign of the cut throat when you need to be getting on, if you don't want to be held up!' I try to be self-aware.

@geekone

Wow 😲 this all seems very mean. You know a lot of people who talk incessantly do it through nerves and lack of confidence.

Yeah I'm pretty sure that's not true.

The vast majority of people who do it, do it because they're self-absorbed, selfish, arrogant gits who don't give a shit about anyone but themselves and their own woes. If your theory were to be in the faintest bit true (which it isn't,) how do you explain why these people can't be arsed to listen to other people, and switch off when they start talking?

Selfish, me me me me me me me........ That's why!

I put my headset on as if to make a call unfortunately not being used to wearing headsets with those mini microphones, I put it on backwards - mind you person soon stopped talking and "slinked" away - Job done I say 😜