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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how you deal with people who just don't stop talking?

93 replies

MainFlamingo · 03/09/2017 22:13

I am normally quite an assertive person but there are two people who both talk relentlessly that I cannot avoid, and just wondered how you deal with people like this?

Person A is an ex colleague of mine (who was known at the workplace for talking and doing no work), and is now a neighbour. Whenever she sees me she starts talking rather like Mr Chatterbox does in the Mr Men books! On and on and on. It's impossible to get a word in edgeways. If I excuse myself or say I'd better be going now she carries on talking. If she does this then I start slowly walking away whilst saying things like 'Got to be going now, see you soon' and she just talks at me until I've walked away. It sounds easier to get away from her than it actually is; I find it really hard to get away from her. She stands really close to me and keeps constant eye contact.

Person B is the grandfather of DS's school friend who picks DS's friend up from school 3 days each week. He always manages to find me at pick up and talks and talks. His talking as well as being constant talking at me, is full of put downs and digs about DS and I. Again it is really hard to avoid him as he lives near to us and so walks home the same route as us from school and as the boys are good friends they want to walk together. When it's time for me to walk to my house and him to walk to his the boys are always talking and playing and the grandfather keeps rabbiting away and as with person A I have to physically say 'See you tomorrow then' and walk off! Sometimes he still keeps talking to me once I've crossed the main road to go to my house! He's not lonely, he has a wife, children, grandchildren, and an active social life so I know it's not that.

How do you deal with this type of person? Obviously my preferred method is to just avoid them and believe me I do a lot of sneaking around to avoid them, but it's not always possible. I also get really panicky being talked 'at'; I really hate it, and feel resentful that someone is basically just stealing my time talking at me.

OP posts:

caoraich · 03/09/2017 23:07

For your neighbour, you could use the same technique I use with chuggers- big over-ear headphones, polarised lens sunglasses (so they can't catch your eye), eyes glued to phone

For the grandfather you may have to be more direct if you don't want to look a bit weird standing in the playground. Try being direct every time he insults you "oooh that's quite rude, are you always this rude or just to me?"

Zofloraqueen27 · 03/09/2017 23:09

I always keep my phone handy for such occasions. When I see someone I want to avoid/not speak to there and then I pretend to answer a call and say in a loud voice "I'm just outside my house will have to call you back with the information you need" ...or something similar, and make my escape. Not really polite (and I do try to be always) but sometimes it just isn't convenient to have to make small talk or be cornered, and this seems the easiest way out of it. Just really wish I had the courage sometimes to tell people to leave me alone - or words to that effect!

SheldonsSpot · 03/09/2017 23:10

viques perhaps you could stitch a little voodoo doll and stab her in the mouth with a needle (the doll, not the woman) every time she talks.

SheldonsSpot · 03/09/2017 23:11

Sorry Hobbies, not viques

sebumfillaments · 03/09/2017 23:13

I really hoped this thread would be to manage the constant chatter of my 6 year old. He does not stop, ever ever ever.

HobbiesKeepMeSane · 03/09/2017 23:17

SheldonsSpot

Prusik · 03/09/2017 23:19

My fil is much like this. I switch off to it and after a while just shut myself in the bedroom. He has significant MH difficulties though so in some ways we're sympathetic to it - he talks more when he's going through a bad patch/has fiddled with his meds so it's how we monitor his MH. We also only arrange to see him when we're not tired because it's very draining

user1490607838 · 03/09/2017 23:19

I currently know someone who I avoid like the plague. She lives in my neighbourhood, and I am in 2 social 'groups' that she is also in (unfortunately.) All she does is moan moan moan about work, and her health. She worked 33 out of the last 35 days apparently, and is 'permanently exhausted.' She is a zero hours contract carer and does not have to work ANY hours if she so chooses!

She lost her glasses in mid July and has a 'massive headache' now. (Dunno about anyone here, but I couldn't go a DAY without my glasses - I need them to read texts, emails, the internet, documents, magazines, labels, cooking instructions on my ready meals and microwave food cook from scratch materials; you name it. DH couldn't go an HOUR without his, so she can't need them THAT much can she?! )

And no-one has so many health issues as her, and she is always going for 'tests' and 'scans.' Yet they never find anything! And when you start to talk about yourself, her eyes wander behind you, and she says 'SORRY?!' a lot, as she (apparently) doesn't hear what you say

She asks a question 'how are you?' or 'been on holiday yet?' and when you are 4 or 5 words into what you are saying, her concentration wanders and she looks away and starts chattering about herself again. She doesn't do it with people she deems as important though. (The Vicar, the Mayor, the Head Doctor in our practice, the local councillor etc...) She listens intently and coos and oohs and ahhs in all the right places!

She constantly 'forgets' my name, and my husband and kids names - conveniently! DH thinks it's attention seeking; she wants to get noticed. I just think she is an annoying cunt. I literally feel my heart sink when I see her fucking face.

And I KNOW it's not me, because I don't feel like this about anyone else.

I feel better after that!

Anecdoche · 03/09/2017 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LexieLulu · 03/09/2017 23:27

Pretend to be on the phone, always!
(Or ring someone at this time)

ThoseCowsAreFarAway · 03/09/2017 23:34

I'm a bit stand offish with people like this - would turn and walk away 'must dash, I'm late'. Like the idea of pretending to be on the mobile.

I get really annoyed with people who chatter on about themselves for ages and then look bored when you talk about yourself for a minute. It is so rude! I'd love to call my sister in law on this - over the years I have listened to her talk for hours and hours about herself and her family. But if I say something about myself she will literally get up and start doing something in the kitchen or whatever. I'd love to say it as it is - 'x I have just listened to you about you for forty five minutes straight and now you seem bored when I'm talking'. But I'll never say it because the fallout wouldn't be worth it.

Donttouchthethings · 03/09/2017 23:35

Point at the sky whilst exclaiming, "Oh my God! What's that!!??"

And then run!!!

Ttbb · 03/09/2017 23:41

I really do hate people like this. Fortunately, you don't really have to be polite to either of them. With your neighbour just don't engage. When she starts talking to you say Hi,you look good! Bye! And just keep walking. Whatever you do do not stop as these kinds of people take this as a sign of consent for their word vomit. With the grandfather just stat glued to your phone during pick up. If (who are we kidding, when) he tries to initiate conversation just say sorry, I have an urgent email from work to reply to and look back down. Completely ignore him and he will eventually find someone else to bother.

beluga425 · 03/09/2017 23:48

Ok, when nearing your house:
Person B: me blah put down blah me us me
OP: person B meet my enchantingly fascinating neighbour, person A
Person B: HELLO well I was just saying how great blah bl...
Person A: well that's interesting because I me I me ME I I I
OP backs away slowly....

ClementineWardrobe · 03/09/2017 23:53

I had a friend like this and I don't see her now. She's kind enough but meeting three hours meant a two hour and 58 minute monologue and then an embarrassed moment at the end where she realised she'd talked at me yet again. Sometimes in my two minutes I'd try to tell her something going on with me, she'd always look embarrassed again because it was usually something difficult I wanted to mention. She has a chatterbox daughter and I couldn't handle it in stereo

She thinks she's a good listener.

Shodan · 03/09/2017 23:55

Pretend to be on the phone, always!
(Or ring someone at this time)

Or maybe- pull your obviously-not-ringing phone out of your bag/pocket, say loudly "Sorry I have to take this" while holding up your finger (not the middle one ) and walk away, blatantly not saying anything on the phone.

Should get the message across.

ClementineWardrobe · 03/09/2017 23:56

Oh and I find listening to people wittering on mobile phones in public exhausting to listen to also. I just can't stand being subjected to rambling pointless drivel on the train.

Shodan · 03/09/2017 23:59

Other than that- I have tried: (for fun)

Over-acting (NO! REALLY?? OMG!!)

Just saying "Uh huh. Mm. Uh huh." while letting my eyes wander.

Talking over the top of them about a completely unrelated topic.

Walking away saying " Sorry got to go, lovely to see you, bye bye, see you soon"

And with the worst offender (XH)- "FFS SHUT UP!"

annandale · 03/09/2017 23:59

I go to the toilet. Not absolutely in front of them, but will say 'Sorry I'm about to piss myself' and get out of Dodge.

GreenTulips · 04/09/2017 00:19

I often wonder where these people actually 'hear' gossip ?

They obviously don't listen!!

OP what does he say that's bad - we can help with replies

jellyspoons · 04/09/2017 00:22

My neighbour is like this. One morning after working a night shift I parked outside my house. As I got out of my car a pen fell out of my pocket and rolled onto the floor. She literally ran out of her house, over the road and made a baseball touch down style dive for the pen, all so she could witter on at me when my defences were down and I couldn't summon the energy to make some excuse to leave.

Ah well it could be worse. am I allowed to mention my mother in law

To be fair to both this neighbour and my MIL, they are both salt of the earth type generous people, they just happen to like talking about themselves /their dog /people they know that I've never met

BananasAreGood · 04/09/2017 00:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlimDogMillionaire · 04/09/2017 01:15

Good god, the grandad does pick up and insults you and ds everytime he manages to track you down in the playground? What on earth can he find to say? He sounds unhinged.

Counterpane · 04/09/2017 01:43

Jellyspoons

I had a friend like this. She regularly used to invite herself round and perform epic monologues. My children would pass me notes asking "What's for dinner?" etc. as they couldn't get a word in either. I tried to make excuses when she announced she would be round again on Thursday, which wasn't easy as it tended to be sandwiched between how she felt about her ex (last seen running off into the sunset whilst throwing his ear plugs over his shoulder, no doubt) and a random anecdote about her cat*.

In the end I changed the landline number, told her we had been cut off and ignored the doorbell whenever there was a chance it was her.

*A previous cat had been talked at so much it fucked off to a family two streets away and ran like the wind when she approached it.

echt · 04/09/2017 03:37

Here's lesson about speaking your mind, though not to an inane chatterer. Might work though:

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