Leaving child in hotel room

[smileygrapefruit]

Me, DH and DC were at a wedding yesterday that was in a hotel. Most of the guests were staying at the hotel as it was in the middle of no where. My DC had been playing all day with our friend's 1 yo DS. At the evening reception my DC asked the parents where their DS was as they wanted to dance with him... "he's in bed" they said. Turns out they had just put him to bed in their hotel room and gone to the party. They didn't even go back to check at all, all evening. We kept our DC up til 9ish then took it in turns to sit in the room with them. I had to stop my DH from telling them how awful their behaviour was, didn't want to cause a scene, but was IBU to do so? Maybe he would have guilt tripped them in to going back to their room. How should I have dealt with this situation or is it no body else's business??

I'd be very concerned that they do the same at home.

How do you know they didn't have a monitor through their phones or that the hotel wasn't minding him etc? They might just have not mentioned it? Or enjoyed tugging your judgey pants!?

I wouldn't judge parents doing it in a small, more private hotel, with a monitor and checking. But I'd judge in a large, busy hotel. I'd judge HUGELY with no monitor & no checking. Hugely.

I wouldn't leave babies/children in a hotel room with a monitor myself (unless it was more like a B&B) because there's just no way I'd be able to relax. I'd just keep them up if they were happy enough or sleeping in a buggy/on us, or do what you did or as likely, use it as a good excuse to go to bed myself

Shit parenting on their part, plain and simple.

Yanbu. I'd never do this.

It was normal when we were children

People always say this on this sort of thread, but was it? It was never 'normal' in my family - my parents would never have left us like that.

Definitely no listening service from the hotel as I looked in to weather they offered babysitting. They didn't have a babysitter and there was no monitor... even if they did have a monitor they wouldn't have been able to hear it as the evening do was very loud and didn't see them checking one at any point.

Really poor, lax patenting. And yes, it would make me question what they do at home that would be as equally lax.

If there were a fire, they'd be running upstairs to get to their child, just as everyone else was rushing down from their rooms. Add in proper choking thick black smoke, not just the eyewatering unpleasant kind at a barbeque/bonfire... and it's a catastrophe from failed evacuation in the making. It's fucking stupid from a h&s perspective, never mind the abduction risks, suffocation risks, waking scared alone after a nightmare etc for the child themselves.

Absolutely not on. I don't think I would have been able to stop myself from saying something, in case something happened and I would have regretted not pointing it out. If they are friends of yours, are they normally this relaxed or is it out of character?

So you were watching this couple the whole night? How can you be sure they did not check on the child at any point. I assume the child survived the night! It really is a storm in a teacup.

We go on holiday with a couple who have small kids, they use mobile phone apps. One leaves their phone in the bedroom, the other has their phone as the receiver. It lights up and vibrates, makes a sound, whatever you set it to do.
They may have had one of them.
You come across as though you spent every second watching them during the evening, you might have had a better time if you'd just gone to babysit

Not something I'd do, but it's none of your business really.

I wouldn't do it, even with a monitor, until the kids were school-age at least.

DS (six months) and I are tagging along to a conference with DH next month (his work has paid for the hotel so I'm getting a cheap city break), and I'm anticipating four nights of room service and reading my kindle by torchlight in the room after DS goes to bed. Wouldn't dream of going down to the restaurant without him.

there were traces of blood, drugs in their system

Where exactly were the traces of blood? I've read all the reports and haven't seen that. And as Madeleine disappeared, there is nothing to suggest she had drugs in her system.

Lethal yes the child survived and yes, either me or DH were in the same room as them all night (8pm til 1am). We were on the same floor as them so did listen in on our way past for crying so I guess if he had been awake we could have told them (they didn't know we were checking on him though)

Well I think it would have been fine with a monitor. In a townhouse my children were 4 floors away.

I wouldn't have done it without a monitor as they could have woken up upset

How do you know they didn't have a baby sitter? Or a monitor in one of their pockets?

Because they told me Bert

I'm no supermum but this is shit parenting. It's one thing to use a listening service or a baby monitor it's another thing altogether to just leave the baby there.
What if they'd woken up they would have bed terrified and no one would be coming to comfort them.
Why not just put them in a buggy and keep and eye on them.

With no baby monitor I would be appalled. With one you could argue it's not to dissimilar to being at home, as long as the door was locked and someone always had eyes on the monitor. But it's still not ideal.

It makes me sad to think this child could have woken up in a strange room, all alone, with no one coming to check on them. It just doesn't sit right.
Personally I would have made a point of asking them where their monitor was/who was on child-checking duty. Just to hammer home that I felt the child shouldn't just have been abandoned like luggage in their room. Sigh :/

Yes notso I tried to ask in a subtle way with questions like that but they just said "once he's asleep he doesn't wake up". I left it at that because I was shocked and I could see DH about to say something and didn't want a scene.

I'd never do it. When DH was best man at his mate's wedding when DS was about that age, he stayed up until the first dance (in his pyjamas) then I went to the room with him. DH stayed at the party and brought me some evening buffet, cake and a couple of glasses of wine through the evening. I just don't see the point in taking the risk. You'd never ever forgive yourself if something happened.

I felt guilty about leaving DS1 and DS2 in the next room with a paper-thin connecting door between us when they were FIVE, so I can't imagine doing it at 1!

YADNBU to think this is odd. It would make me look at them differently, certainly.

I have a DS that once asleep never wakes up. No exaggeration when we have babysitters they say 'what do you do when he wakes up?' And we can honestly reply that he won't and never has done since he was a baby. Would I leave him for the whole night? No, but in a situation like you describe I would leave him for a few hours after keeping him up later for the party, and then go to the room afterwards.

Madeleine McCann was so rare as to be like rocking horse shit!

We are not shit parents, more that we have judged the situation and the possible outcomes before deciding what works best for us.

No this is neglectful parenting and I consider myself to be more lax than a lot of other parents. I don't know what good you saying anything would have done, it's not like they were going to say " gosh you know you're right, I really shouldn't leave my son alone in a hotel room and not check on him".

I think you handled it as you should by not saying anything as a) its their choice as parents and b) it could have soured the evening.
I wouldn't have left mine at that age, but then also wouldn't have been prepared to miss the fun. Probably why we were always pleased when we got "no kids" invites!! So it would have been either a sitter or buggy by the dance floor for us!!!