Partner and 'day naps'

[GatheredAsMuch]

My partner's job requires a lot of walking and I understand that that can be tiring. But it's really starting to annoy me that he comes home and just sleeps everyday.

He finishes around 2 o'clock and will normally sleep for about 2 hours after getting home.

We have 2 toddlers and their not easy work and sometimes I feel resentful that he's asleep while I'm rushing around after kids.

I go to sleep early as the kids are early risers. But he will stay up past midnight playing on his phone. And a part of me feels that if he just went to sleep a little bit earlier then he wouldn't need the extra sleep in the day.

He says I'm unfair because I'm just in with the kids all day and not walking around for hours. I don't know if IABU or not but am prepared to be told I am.

Everyone has different sleep patterns. If he needs sleep then he needs sleep. Me and DH are on totally different pages when it comes to sleep. He often has a couple of hours in the day while I am practically nocturnal 😴 and don't go to bed till the wee hours and get up late. No big deal.

No big deal as long as that sort of sleep pattern doesn't also mean that one person is ending up doing all the work!!
So in effect OK if you have no children or they are old enough to look after themselves whilst you have a nap.
And that both partners either are ding noting whilst the other sleep OR are both doing HW, chores etc...

AlmostAJillSandwich don't be ridiculous. How much sleep you need and how much is available are two very different things when you have small children. It should be shared equally between the two parents.

He needs to go to bed earlier. Has he not worked that out?

@JonSnowsWhore could be a cellarman... they work similar hours

That's a siesta, compensating for late nights.

'Just' in with the kids is a shitty - and very ignorant - thing to say. Suggests he never looks after them by himself, or he'd know better. But if it's so very easy he'll be volunteering to look after them both single-handed at weekends, for a bit of fun and relaxation, won't he?

The obvious question is, what does he do after his nap? Does he take over childcare for a couple of hours - in a useful enough way to give you time off, not just so you can do other domestic tasks? Do you get equal leisure time?

My suspicion is that when all is accounted for, within and outside the home, you work much longer hours.

Sorry for the late reply
He isn't completely bone idle but he does like to pick his tasks.
I deal mainly with the kids, do lunches and naps, bathing and washing I also do all the cleaning because he is stupidly messy.
I get up with the kids in the night if they're unsettled as he obviously has work and I'm the more organising one.
He normally cooks dinner and deals with bills and things like that.

I don't feel the need to take a nap after his nap just because I make sure I have enough sleep to get me through the day but I do understand his work takes a big burst of energy.

I don't think he'd be happy with me leaving and going out for a couple hours even if there was time.

Today's Sunday, he didn't have work today but still had a 2 hour nap, that annoys me the most. And he strangely doesn't need the nap when the kids are out, but I understand parenting is hard when your tired and a nap isn't as needed if your just lazing around anyway.

And yeah he's a postman

It's not strange he doesn't need a nap when the kids aren't there! . He just doesn't want to do any caring for his own children. Pillock.

As I thought, when all is accounted for, you work much longer hours.

You both have work every day - yours is looking after two DCs.

Sounds rather like you're colluding with him in over-valuing his work and undervaluing yours.

My mum was one many years ago- said it was very physically demanding. A former neighbour was a postman and was VERY fit but even he was shattered every day and I had conversations with him about how every day he used to say he wouldn't go to sleep when he got home ...yet every day he did.

I have a female postie friend and she's also shattered all the time even though she's very fit.

So, I think it's part and parcel (excuse the pun!) of the job.

And do they all sleep for two hours when there is childcare/cooking/housework to be done?

Practically every day.

And stay up late playing with their phones/tablets?

I had a job that was just as much walking, if not more once you take into account the time postmen finally get out in the mornings after prepping their walks, and it is hell on your feet, and I'm very unfit. But I still managed to do it & come home to the kids every day without needing a nap. My partner does the same thing, will stay up til about midnight. Why not just stay awake during the day & go to bed a bit earlier if you need more sleep, instead of interrupting the whole day going to sleep. We've got a 3 month old though so to be fair we're both having naps at the moment occasionally but when he wants to do it all the bloody time even when he hasn't been up with the baby at all, it does annoy me. I'm left sitting here doing everything with the baby & other kids for even longer while he has a sleep

If I sleep in the day, I can stay up late enough to watch a film until early hours. Get to be earlier mate!

There's no reason you can't be having an journal or two to yourself every day even if he naps til 4. Let him have his sleep then hand him the dc and go out/go for a bath with your book/whatever else you want to do.

*hour or two,not journal

This is me and my DH. He works shifts but even on days off and holidays he sneaks off after lunch for a nap while I look after our two young kids. He also sits up to all hours online and I go to bed around 9 so I can get up with the kids. Even though I'm pregnant and exhausted he would never offer to let me go for a nap and mind them. I do 100% of the childcare and I'm becoming very bitter and resentful about the whole situation.

I'm a postie too and it is totally not the same as being on your feet all day at home or in an office or factory. That said however, a two hour nap every day seems excessive. I might nap once or twice a week - usually half an hour tops. I think he's taking the piss a bit.

I deal mainly with the kids, do lunches and naps, bathing and washing I also do all the cleaning because he is stupidly messy. I get up with the kids in the night if they're unsettled as he obviously has work and I'm the more organising one. Hard work that people get paid to do.

He normally cooks dinner and deals with bills and things like that. A hobby for many people and some paperwork.

It's not the nap really. It's; avoiding the hard work of parenting; belittling what you do when he clearly isn't capable of doing it; not adapting to family life when you have had to.

If he can't or won't deal with the children and their needs, how dare he belittle your role?

He normally cooks dinner and deals with bills and things like that A hobby for many people and some paperwork.

How come it's 'wifework' if a woman does these things but a piece of piss if a man does them?

How come it's 'wifework' if a woman does these things but a piece of piss if a man does them? I was making a point about his attitude to what she does, @BuckinhamL. She's 'just' in with the kids all day.

I cover 17-19,000 steps a day. 21,500 on a particularly busy Tuesday last week, which was 14.28 kilometres. A 17,000 day is around 11.87 km. That's every day.

I don't nap.

I'm not even 'tired', I rather enjoy it. Keeps me thin.

Your partner is lazy and is clocking off, using work as an excuse to do nothing constructive and furthermore being a shit for saying you're 'only in with the kids'.

I'm rather rotund and have a physically semi-demanding job, however I wouldn't need a nap, in fact the only time I would indulge is if DC's are snuggled watching a film, I was warm and comfy, then I may shit my eyes. But both kids soon put a stop to that!
I'm easily more exhausted being at home than at work. Being a present, pro-active parent isn't the picnic some people may think it is! It's mentally draining. Keeping routine, keeping everyone happy, thinking up new ways to keep children happy etc, it's not just sit on your bum and relax! I think maybe a chat is needed just so you can explain to him that you understand he's tired, but that you get tired too and you take steps to make sure you are ready for the next day. Staying up on your phone until the small hours and then complaining that you are tired doesn't wash with me I'm afraid!

Shit my eyes eh?! sounds like I may need to hit the hay myself soon!!!