Partner and 'day naps'

[GatheredAsMuch]

My partner's job requires a lot of walking and I understand that that can be tiring. But it's really starting to annoy me that he comes home and just sleeps everyday.

He finishes around 2 o'clock and will normally sleep for about 2 hours after getting home.

We have 2 toddlers and their not easy work and sometimes I feel resentful that he's asleep while I'm rushing around after kids.

I go to sleep early as the kids are early risers. But he will stay up past midnight playing on his phone. And a part of me feels that if he just went to sleep a little bit earlier then he wouldn't need the extra sleep in the day.

He says I'm unfair because I'm just in with the kids all day and not walking around for hours. I don't know if IABU or not but am prepared to be told I am.

It might be interesting for you both to get a Fitbit or something that measures steps taken. I'd echo the other pp in saying looking after 2 kids is as physical as walking for 2.5 hours.
But I also think when he wakes up you go out

Since when is walking for a few hours deserving of a two hour nap?!

Loads of jobs require people to be on their feet all day and they don't all come home and sleep.

I should say be sneaky and get yours first to ensure the level of activity recorded looks impressive!! It would be a pain in the bum if you did both get gadgets and his showed more steps and he based his "need" for naps on steps alone and not other factors

As others have said , his naps are not the issue , the issue is you not having a break.

Why not take one? Even if it's just an hour uninterrupted in a steaming bath with a glass of pinot.

You deserve me time too.

Is he well? I HAVE to nap every day, though I can easily stay up late, but I have health issues + two small children. I would be worried about him and considering a doctor's visit, not angry! I wasn't diagnosed til my mid-twenties even though I'd been easily exhausted my entire life.

Selfish! It sounds like he's making up for (self-imposed) sleep deprivation. He needs a sensible bedtime. Lots of us have long physical jobs plus housework/kids to look after as well... Just tell him to have an early night if he's tired... And get out the drums and recorders with the kids in the afternoon.

Going against the grain, I think if he's tired enough to need a sleep when he gets in then it's a bit mean to wake him up. He's an adult and you can't tell him when he can or can't sleep. Can't you just ask him to watch the kids while you have a nap afterwards? Could you look for a job and he can become the stay at home parent and then he can see if he finds it tiring?

If he's a postie I can understand even easier why he'd be knackered. Any type of weather is tiring to walk in apart from ambient calm not too hot/not too cold so I do think it's a bit different to an indoor job.

He's a bit of a knob with the "just" comment but tbf I'd rather be in with the kids than walking in all weathers for 3.5 hours.

If he needs to step up more with the kids in general and stop being on his phone from when he wakes up til he goes to sleep I'd absolutely tackle that but I do think yabu about the naps up to now.

I chuck a bucket of cold water on him. Fuck that. Go to be earlier, be a fucking grown up.

Felicity I meant the hours,if he got another job, ft, he'd be out the house earlier and home much later than 4pm (probably). That's what I meant with the ft comment.

sorry GahBuggerit, I see what you mean

will be walking from around 10 til half 1

Either he has a medical problem (and must be checked asap) or he is just being very unreasonably lazy, that's nothing at all! I thought you were going to write he walks from 7am to 3pm or something! This is ridiculous! I have more sympathy for our rubbish men, they run constantly to grab bin, I feel tired just looking at them.

If he is tired, he should go to bed early with you. He is an adult, he should not need to be told that he has to look after his kids. We would all love to sleep, but we can't when we have responsibilities.
If he had an evening job on top, then yes he would need his naps. He works from 8:30 to 2pm? and he needs a nap? He can go to bed earlier, that should help.

YANBU! He is unfair, you are being too kind.

He works 08:30am - 2pm and comes home and has a 2 hour nap?? I'd not be happy!

Everyone's different though, aren't they? I'm on my feet most of the day and it doesn't phase me, but if DP has been doing a lot of walking or standing on his feet all day, he'll need a nap because he's not used to that.

I have colleagues who have to have naps when they get home as well even though they're used to it. Everybody is different.

OP.... that isn't a lot of walking...

Tbf they don't leisurely walk around do they? They don't in my area anyway, they each have a huge trolley type thing they cart about which must start off very heavy and they speed walk pretty much. 3.5 hours leisurely walking non stop would be tiring I think, 3.5 hours walking at the speed of my postie and carting that trolley about in blistering heat/stormy weather and I think I'd need a bit of a recharge.

Maybe also ask him to drop it to an hour nap as a compromise? See how he gets on with that?

For me I think it all boils down to how much does he help around the home after. If he does his fair share then I do think yabu.

GahBuggerIt

And not only that, but the dragging people's parcels around and waiting around for them to get to the door, opening/shutting gates, uneven ground etc, I can see how it would be exhausting! There's a reason you never see overweight posties - it's a bloody hard job. Ours has calves like Bradley Wiggins!

He works a short 5:30hr day and comes home and has a 2 hour nap. Then stays up very late playing with his phone while the dc and you are in bed. Wouldn't be happening in our house.

Both parents should adjust their sleeping to meet the requirements of their dc when they are little, agree he should be going to bed earlier to catch up on sleep and enjoy some time in the afternoon with his dw and dc, take turns with making dinner, then help with bedtime routine. YADNBU.

Fuck that shit!

I would ask him to go to bed at a reasonable time and drop the naps. Cheeky Sod!!!

My ex used to do that. At first he worked long hours and I put it down to it. When ha changed job, or when he was unemployed I realised that he is just a lazy ass. I was fed up of him leaving me with it all or having to make excuses for him at my parents who hate laziness. He is now out of my life.
Do you want to drag a dead weight all your life?

AlternativeTentacle "It is only two and a half hours walking."

No, it's 3 and a half hours walking.

There's a reason you never see overweight posties - it's a bloody hard job.

you should have a look in my area, posties seem to change constantly and they are not always slim to say the least! (and the fit-looking ones don't seem to last any longer)

Yes, we are all different, but if we are tired, we go to bed early and sleep. If the OP's DH is up until midnight, he's not that tired so can help during the day.

Does he need the nap? Some people with health issues would. I am too ill to work so no way could I hold down this sort of job even though I used to be on my feet and very active in the past.

He's taking the piss. And opting out of caring for his children. I wonder why that would be? Maybe because it isn't just "in with the kids all day". If it were that easy why isn't he doing it?

My DH falls asleep if he sits down. He always has done! I remember once giving him an elbow when he was snoring at my nannans!

He has a physical job as a mechanic 5/6 days a week 45-50hrs followed by 3 evenings of solely doing bedtime with kids as I am working some evenings a at the moment. He finishes work at 5.30, picks up the kids from my sisters, takes eldest to football training on two of those nights, then does bedtime and cooks our dinner for when I get in at 9.15pm!

You can guarantee after his Sunday roast in a bit he will be asleep on the sofa! I will let him off!