Aibu my money & dp's children

[PikaPikaTink]

I have been posting for a while but namechange every so often.

I'm expecting to get flamed but here goes.

Dp has 2 children. He used to be a lot more financially secure than me and while he would treat me occasionally, from the outset it was made clear to me that finances were separate as he had to ensure his children's security. This meant i had a lot less security than him as all assets were his and would go to his ex in the event of his death so she could raise the children. We could not buy a house together as he preferred to do it alone to keep things simple and i can't afford to buy alone where we live which meant I had less security than him. He had more spending money than me each month. I accepted this.

I have recently surprisingly come into a lot of money. I've brought myself a property and have a good chunk of cash. Dp has suggested that now "we" can afford to send his children to private school and his ex has suggested that we should be paying more as we have more money now.

However I resent the fact that my windfall is now seen as joint. He did nothing to secure my future when I had less than him yet I'm now expected to supplement his children. I think it's unfair to suddenly decide that we are financial partners now it benefits him when he didn't want to support me when I was worse off. I also don't want the responsibility of paying for his children's schooling - what if we split? If dp wants to increase his contribution to his ex its between him and her but I don't see why I should subsidise this in the circumstances.

Is my stance unreasonable?

Yanbu. His approach both before and after tells you a lot about how he views your relationship

His children don't need to go to private school fgs

What a cheeky fucking pair of twats! Do yourself a favour and LTB because he and his ex see you as an ATM!

No way. He is no worse off than he was before, you are just much better off. Not only should he not even be asking, he should be delighted that you are no longer financially vulnerable.

Just going to echo what everyone else has said, he is taking the piss!!
Keep your finances separate, he was happy to do so when you were worse off.

You did say no didn't you OP?

Fuck that!

Be wary of him, OP.

Yanbu op, he sees you as a meal ticket. I wouldn't be surprised if he starts talking about marriage soon. Once married he'll be entitled to half of your money. He made his bed regarding money matters, to change his stance now just makes him look grabby and opportunistic.

This is a good opportunity for you to review your relationship and what this man brings to your life.

I'm afraid I wouldn't have been happy with the status quo beforehand, either you're partners or you're not. He seemed to think not.

He and ex sound like they're cut from the same cloth. What you have or don't have is nothing to do with her.

I'd be moving in to my newly bought house if I was you op so I could get away from the pair of cheeky greedy fuckers!

What did DP say when you bought the house for yourself? Did he comment on where you invested the remaining cash at the time?

His reaction to your windfall will tell you what you need to know.

I would be totally with you OP, keep everything separate. Do not be blackmailed into using your assets to fund his childrens' education.

If he doesn't like it, well I think you have a bit of thinking to do. Always remember his attitude re money and you before you got your stash.

YA absolutely NBU

Fuck that shit.

TBH I'd say LTB. He doesn't sound pleasant at all.

This is very like a previous thread we had here about a woman sending her own dc to a private school and her dp wanting her to cough up for his dc to go to private school too.
Anyway I digress.
You would be very very unreasonable to pay for his dc with your money OP
Tell him and her (because he still sounds very invested in his ex dw tbh)
to go and take a running jump off a short cliff
Good luck to you enjoy your newly found wealth and to hell with the lot of them! I would book a fabulous holiday for yourself asap with the money you would have spent on a weeks private schooling because it aint cheap!!

YADNBU!!!!

Oh and do not marry him (if he and you stay together after you refuse to bankroll him and his children), until all obligations towards his ex and his children are done.

If you ever marry that is. Never I would say but I don't want to be too hard hearted.

What a joker he is.... and don't marry him FGS!!

Jesus YANBU, what a flamming cheek! You really need to point out the double standards he is applying. He can't now suddenly change the rules because you have come into some money, and his ex certainly has no dibs on what is yours! Why on earth would it be down to you to pay for their kids private school fees??? As if!

Why would you expect to be flamed?

The two of your aren't married and have separate finances. That's totally fair enough, as is consistency now that you're the better off person in the relationship.

That's bizarre. Who suddenly decided that their children needs to move schools? Why on earth would he think you'd pay For It? How long have you been together? Are we talking millions? I mean how much is private school? Could be £25-30k per year for two easily. Is he in the property with you?

Piss taking wanker! I'd be doing everything I could to make sure he couldn't get his hands on a penny. He wanted entirely separate finances and he's got them.

What your partner is suggesting says a lot about him, be careful as I don't think he's as accepting as you were when his priorities lay elsewhere. I don't think I'd be paying towards his lifestyle or education choices for his children.

What did you say in response to his totally unreasonable proposals? X

Bloody hell OP.
I'd definitley not give a penny towards his obligations (his children) and what's more I'd end the relationship as he has shown his true self.
He's a fucking hypocrite and wanker extraordinaire.

I'm utterly gobsmacked by his bare-faced bloody CHEEK.

Dump him and run like the wind.