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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel really sad I haven't been invited?

84 replies

Moomoomango · 02/09/2017 18:45

I know I probably am but here goes:

Preface by saying I love my family to death and we are very close, or so I thought.

My brother wife and kids invited my parents to attend a holiday next week. I thought that nice, we've been on holiday with my parents in the past and it's been lovely.

Then my uncle is invited. Then I find out her family and sister have been invited.

So essentially it is just myself and my family who have not been invited.

I was ok with it, but today they were all talking about the holiday - messages over the family what's app group about flights etc and I feel really really bloody sad. I cried all the way home from my brothers today and wouldn't want them to know I was upset because it's their choice not to invite me but... I do feel really sad.

Aibu ? I know they can holiday with who they like I just feel so sad.

OP posts:
GingerWh1nger · 02/09/2017 18:51

That's such a shame. I don't have much advice to give but just wanted to say YANBU. Try not to dwell on reasons why - find something nice to do with your family that week, maybe with some of the money you would have used for the holiday. Then when you next visit them you'll have a nice story to share too Flowers

Birdsgottafly · 02/09/2017 18:55

If your close, why not ask your Mum's opinion on it?

Original poster
Moomoomango · 02/09/2017 18:58

I just can't talk to my mum because I will cry and I don't want them to know I'm upset and ruin their holiday :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Moomoomango · 02/09/2017 18:58

Thank you ginger very kind words

OP posts:
CoughLaughFart · 02/09/2017 18:59

If it was just your brother and his family taking your parents away, I'd say you were being unreasonable. But to have invited your uncle and his in-laws too seems pretty off. And chatting about it in a WhatsApp group they know you can see seems just plain mean.

Leeds2 · 02/09/2017 19:01

I think I would ask your mum if she knows why you weren't invited once she gets back.
Do you have children? Just wondering if they fancied a child free holiday.

junebirthdaygirl · 02/09/2017 19:01

Are you sure they are not all saying..oh can we come too..not an invitation. Do ye normally holiday all together ( my idea of hell) or is this a one off. If you could afford to join them at this late notice spend that money doing something nice.

FreeSpiritJen · 02/09/2017 19:02

Poor lass. Sad

Ask why you haven't been invited. I would.

Is there any reason why they may think you wouldn't want to go???

BelindaBlinked · 02/09/2017 19:04

I'd feel hurt too Sad

geekone · 02/09/2017 19:05

I feel for you and you ANBU however don't take any offence by it. I doubt they will have thought about it and I doubt there is any intended malice especially as they are copying you in to the chat about it. Insensitive maybe but I think you are right to say nothing Flowers

MyBrilliantDisguise · 02/09/2017 19:06

Don't go volunteering to deal with pets and plants while they're away!

Aeviternity · 02/09/2017 19:06

Yanbu, that's hurtful.

We're the left-out family. Wealthy parents take 3 of their four children on holidays, taking along spouses and children and boyfriend/girlfriends of teen children.

The eldest child is deemed to be "wealthy" or "doing OK" and as we do not convey whatever 'need' the others do, we are not invited.

Eldest child isn't 'wealthy' at all and would love to give their children a lovely holiday, but cannot afford such a luxury. Every the year the family fly off and come home full of stories for the children who did not go. They are told "You'll have to go one day, it's very nice there" and they can see, quite plainly, that non-related random girlfriends get to go when they do not.

And you feel like you can't be hurt because it's selfish to expect an invite, and yet it's just odd when everyone else is 'in' and you're so obviously 'out' when no great crime has taken place and everyone's still friendly. You can't say or do anything.

But it's still a slight.

Aeviternity · 02/09/2017 19:06

Yanbu, that's hurtful.

We're the left-out family. Wealthy parents take 3 of their four children on holidays, taking along spouses and children and boyfriend/girlfriends of teen children.

The eldest child is deemed to be "wealthy" or "doing OK" and as we do not convey whatever 'need' the others do, we are not invited.

Eldest child isn't 'wealthy' at all and would love to give their children a lovely holiday, but cannot afford such a luxury. Every the year the family fly off and come home full of stories for the children who did not go. They are told "You'll have to go one day, it's very nice there" and they can see, quite plainly, that non-related random girlfriends get to go when they do not.

And you feel like you can't be hurt because it's selfish to expect an invite, and yet it's just odd when everyone else is 'in' and you're so obviously 'out' when no great crime has taken place and everyone's still friendly. You can't say or do anything.

But it's still a slight.

Ellie56 · 02/09/2017 19:08

Why don't you ring up your brother and ask to go on the family holiday too.

Tour · 02/09/2017 19:09

It could be crossed wires. They may think you wouldn't want to go. Just ask but stay calm.

FreeSpiritJen · 02/09/2017 19:09

I echo Ellie. ^

Ask them if you can go. Smile

Primrose06 · 02/09/2017 19:13

I think you have every right to feel hurt.
The what's appt messages mean they know you will be aware of things.
Personal I think you have to speak to your mum otherwise it will eat away at you whereas once you know you can move on.
Sending hugs .

ememem84 · 02/09/2017 19:14

If it was me I'd want to know why.

Unless they all live in one country and you in another - that's the only way I could see this happening and anyone being ok with it.

Whinesalot · 02/09/2017 19:18

Perhaps its snowballed out of their control as people ask if they can come. They've perhaps not invited you as that "would be even more".

I'd be hurt too though.

Can you perhaps comment on the whats' app group in a jokey manner so they can ignore it if they want - or take the hint and invite you. Something like

"Oi you lot - Where's our invite?"

Fishface77 · 02/09/2017 19:19

This is why people are cunts.
Because they get away with it.
I'd be a bitch and say guys set up your own whatsapp group as I'm not invited and it hurts for you to discuss it with me.
Thanks.

DoItTooJulia · 02/09/2017 19:20

Could you send a message to the What's App group along the lines of 'hey-you're making me feel left planning your big family holiday on this group -why not start a holiday group?'

Sad it's never nice feeling left out.

Boatmistress17 · 02/09/2017 19:20

I would take myself off the group chat. . Would upset me then give me 'The Rage' I think to stay on and hear all about it! Thoughtless buggars.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 02/09/2017 19:22

I can understand why you feel sad about it TBH.

I think if it were just DB, SIL, their DCs and both sets of parents/grandparents, then it would be different. But they have invited SIL's sister too? So that literally makes it the whole family apart from you?

If so, yes - that is hurtful. TBH, I wouldn't care if they did know I was feeling a bit hurt by that!

flickofthewrist · 02/09/2017 19:22

It seems very odd.
Have you got school aged DC and theirs are little or they have teens are yours are little?

Pixey53 · 02/09/2017 19:25

It's very upsetting being left out of plans. This happens to me all the time at the moment and I find it very difficult when all my family go away without me too