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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to feel really sad I haven't been invited?

84 replies

Moomoomango · 02/09/2017 18:45

I know I probably am but here goes:

Preface by saying I love my family to death and we are very close, or so I thought.

My brother wife and kids invited my parents to attend a holiday next week. I thought that nice, we've been on holiday with my parents in the past and it's been lovely.

Then my uncle is invited. Then I find out her family and sister have been invited.

So essentially it is just myself and my family who have not been invited.

I was ok with it, but today they were all talking about the holiday - messages over the family what's app group about flights etc and I feel really really bloody sad. I cried all the way home from my brothers today and wouldn't want them to know I was upset because it's their choice not to invite me but... I do feel really sad.

Aibu ? I know they can holiday with who they like I just feel so sad.

OP posts:

ManicUnicorn · 02/09/2017 20:31

I think if I were you OP, I'd probably have to ask why your not invited? Would you like to go with them? And if so, you don't have to be invited. I'm assuming it's a public place that anyone can go to if they want to.

Original poster

Moomoomango · 02/09/2017 20:32

Interesting theory scottishdiem - I am a very sensitive person but the only person who knows this is my partner. I very rarely show emotion around my family because I'm aware I suffer inferiority complex and that's my issue and I don't want to burden anyone with that. THe only person who really knows me is my hubby x

OP posts:

Original poster

Moomoomango · 02/09/2017 20:32

I would have love to have gone. We went away as a family about 4 years ago and it was fine.

OP posts:

Original poster

Moomoomango · 02/09/2017 20:35

We couldn't go now even if we were invited because my lo has no passport but the holiday has been planned for about 3 months we could have. I only found out we were the only ones not invited last week.

OP posts:

indulgentberries · 02/09/2017 20:37

Is it because you have children who will be back at school?

Original poster

Moomoomango · 02/09/2017 21:05

I have one who would miss a day - but I would be ok with that he's only in year one x

OP posts:

Suzy15 · 02/09/2017 21:47

Don't blame you in the slightest for feeling upset and left out. I would send a message saying something along the lines of 'Hope you all have a lovely time - wish I could join you!' Then hopefully some more sensitive family members might pick up on this or at least realise they should have asked you!

thenightsky · 02/09/2017 22:17

YANBU.

Your family are thoughtless. I'd be plotting revenge by now.

NoodleNinja · 02/09/2017 22:24

YANBU that is pretty shit. I would definitely have to comment on the group chat and ask them to make a separate one or tell them I'd like to leave it as reading about their big holiday is hurtful.

missmollyhadadolly · 02/09/2017 22:31

Ask him why! Don't suffer in silence x

DjangoUnchained · 02/09/2017 22:45

Just leave the WhatsApp group.

Bit of passive aggressiveness never hurt anyone.

ChasedByBees · 02/09/2017 22:50

I would also ask them to start a new Whatsapp as you seem to be the only one not going.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/09/2017 22:57

Just message your brother and tell him you are hurt and word like to have been invited, then leave the group.

42isthemeaning · 02/09/2017 23:02

Maybe they think you wouldn't be able to afford it? Could still have asked you though. I think I'd be hurt too, op.

ButtHiccup · 02/09/2017 23:07

Please don't be passive aggressive
Just talk to them

moofolk · 02/09/2017 23:08

They might be all wondering why you don't want to go if you haven't (as far as they see it) shown any interest or asked?
TBH though I'd feel the same as you.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/09/2017 23:09

Are sure it's not an open invitation to anyone and they expected you to say "count us in" if you fancied it? If they are normally kind this is most likely explanation.

frogsoup · 02/09/2017 23:11

Tell them! So what if they know you are upset?! You have a right to be, and they should be called on their shitty behaviour. I can't fathom a family doing this, it's appalling.

44PumpLane · 02/09/2017 23:14

Honestly you should just send a message on the group saying "guys, can you please set up your own holiday whatsapp? It's making me feel really left out every time you all bring it up since I've not been invited. I hope you all have an amazing time but would rather it not be shoved down my throat"!

UrsulaPandress · 02/09/2017 23:18

You need to ask.

Gooseberrytart4 · 02/09/2017 23:19

They have been quite unkind by excluding you.

Squarerouteofsquirrel · 02/09/2017 23:20

Are the rest of your family quite forthright and say what they want i.e. I want to come and you're a bit more shy and reserved?
Sometimes people just presume everyone else is like them, so they may be interpreting you saying nothing, as a lack of interest.
Also family members tend to get type cast, so if in the dim and distant past you opted out of great aunt Mabel's 60th, you will forever be known as the one that doesn't like attending family events (in my family at least)

Emmageddon · 02/09/2017 23:22

Tell them how hurt you feel.

I was in a similar situation one Christmas, when the entire extended family apart from me, DH and our two DS, jetted off for a sunshine holiday over Christmas.

My DH asked my DM afterwards, why we had been excluded and she said it had started out as just her and DB and his family, then Dsis and BIL asked if they and their kids could go, along with his brother, his brother's girlfriend and their 3 kids, and before she knew it, everyone was going.

We weren't being deliberately left out, and if I'd spoken up at the time, we could have gone along as well. Everyone else thought because our DC were small, youngest was only 6 months old, it wasn't something we wanted to do and that we were happy to have a quiet Christmas at home instead of sunning ourselves on a Caribbean beach.

As it was, I spent Christmas feeling hurt and resentful, and it was such a waste of emotion.

It was a long time ago, but I can still remember how upset I was.

timeisnotaline · 02/09/2017 23:24

I am a strong believer in communicating this. Otherwise you have the other party either thoughtless and clueless , or comfortable with being a dick because they have no consequences. If the latter, Telling them means at least they have to recognise the effect they have had. And how they react to that is useful insight on whether you want to keep them at arms length for the rest of your lives or not.

MrsSchadenfreude · 02/09/2017 23:40

Please speak to your Mum or someone about this before they go, or it will fester.

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