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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to feel really sad I haven't been invited?

84 replies

Moomoomango · 02/09/2017 18:45

I know I probably am but here goes:

Preface by saying I love my family to death and we are very close, or so I thought.

My brother wife and kids invited my parents to attend a holiday next week. I thought that nice, we've been on holiday with my parents in the past and it's been lovely.

Then my uncle is invited. Then I find out her family and sister have been invited.

So essentially it is just myself and my family who have not been invited.

I was ok with it, but today they were all talking about the holiday - messages over the family what's app group about flights etc and I feel really really bloody sad. I cried all the way home from my brothers today and wouldn't want them to know I was upset because it's their choice not to invite me but... I do feel really sad.

Aibu ? I know they can holiday with who they like I just feel so sad.

OP posts:

NoArmaniNoPunani · 02/09/2017 19:25

Remove yourself from the what'sapp group.

MrsPringles · 02/09/2017 19:28

I'd leave the group or just be blunt and say you're hurt you weren't invited.

I'm sorry OP, hopefully they have flight delays and rubbish weather

Original poster

Moomoomango · 02/09/2017 19:31

Thanks for replies, we all have children - I have one in infant school and the rest are 2 and under, that being said my lb would only miss 1 day off school. We all live close by and see each other twice a week usually. We are all friendly and apart from me always feeling like an outsider ( they are v wealthy I'm not ) they don't usually treat me like one. And if it's a case of them thinking I couldn't afforded it my sil sister is in a similar financial position.

You are all making me feel so much better thank you.

OP posts:

MrTrebus · 02/09/2017 19:33

What age is your youngest DC? I found with a new baby I wasn't invited to some things because they just assumed with a new baby I.e under 6 months that I wouldn't be interested. Could it be that?

Original poster

Moomoomango · 02/09/2017 19:35

My youngest is 2, brothers youngest is 6 months :(

OP posts:

Sophiealice95 · 02/09/2017 19:44

I think you need to say something about this op . If you don't then will it become usual practice iyswim. I am so sorry you must feel awful. It is very thoughtless of them all .

UnicornSparkles1 · 02/09/2017 19:45

I think at best they're being really thoughtless, at worst they're being downright mean. I'm sorry you're hurt, I'd be hurt too and I'd ask why we weren't invited.

I hope it pisses down with rain all week long for them.

Pipsqueak11 · 02/09/2017 19:48

I think you should let them know how you feel as it is pretty mean of them to leave you out like this

MissBabbs · 02/09/2017 19:57

I think it might just be an inadvertent situation.
DB invites parents on hols, then uncle (as he might be left out/ or a special one off/ or some other reason).
The plans snowball and DSIL then asks her DPs, and as it sounds fun DSis tags along.

Your family weren't in the first invites so have been accidently dropped by the way.
Who is paying for the hols, is everyone paying their way or is it DB's treat?
If you need to speak to anyone it is DB. Can you just watsapp him? Can you book a nearby hotel and join them?

Phineyj · 02/09/2017 20:00

No, YANBU. My sister does this sort of thing and it is very hurtful. Fortunately as we don't get on very well (although we got on better before she started excluding me from family events!), I can always console myself by imagining how much we would have annoyed each other. However, our DC get on very well so it makes me sad for that reason.

I'm not sure what to suggest but if this is the first time that it's happened you could ask the main organiser why, but not on WhatsApp.

junebirthdaygirl · 02/09/2017 20:01

Definitely put a message onto your family whatsapp saying..hey its a bit mean chatting here about holiday ..lm feeling left out.

Yr10DD · 02/09/2017 20:02

Sending hugs! I was wondering if you had sulky tantrumming teens... or if it was a financial thing... but I don't understand. Blatantly rubbing your nose in it on what's app is sooo out of order. I'd be upset too! You sound a close family seeing each other twice a week so it doesn't make a lot of sense. Do they think you wouldn't want to go? Please ask one if them.

chocatoo · 02/09/2017 20:02

I'm guessing that it's too late for you to join them now?

I would write something on the whatsapp group like 'We are so sad not to be joining you! We would love to be included in any plans for the next big holiday. Hope you have a great time...'

PandorasXbox · 02/09/2017 20:06

When did you last go on holiday with your parents?

FlopIsMyParentingGuru · 02/09/2017 20:09

Would leaving the what's app group for a while help?
If you didn't want to answer why you could just say that it was a lot of holiday talk and you didn't want other messages to get missed in the middle of those ones?

Jayfee · 02/09/2017 20:12

If I was your mum, I would want to know how upset you were so I could try to make you feel better.

JaneEyre70 · 02/09/2017 20:12

I think you need to address it, especially if you're reading their messages. I'd go along the lines of "if you're planning a holiday but not including everyone, start another chat please as it's quite hurtful for those not involved to keep hearing about it". Families are truly shit at times . And YANBU remotely.

claraschu · 02/09/2017 20:18

Talk to them, not online, in real life. Pick the person whom you find easiest to talk to and have a real heart to heart chaat about it.

Things like this can only improve if people communicate and listen. If your family can do that, then this can get better. If that is impossible for your family, then you will just build up more and more full layers of tension and pain.

scottishdiem · 02/09/2017 20:20

Um. Flame me for asking this but is there any reason they might not want to be in what would be relatively constant contact with you and/or family for that period of time.

Not wishing to put too fine a point on it - you say you cried all the way home over a holiday others are having. In my family that would be a gross over-reaction but its different for everyone. Do you operate on a different emotional level than others in your family and that this is something they dont want to have "cope" with over a holiday?

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 02/09/2017 20:21

I'd be tempted to put a message on the family whatsapp group.
Am I really the only relative NOT invited to this?

But really I'd probably ask Mum, see what she says.

Salva · 02/09/2017 20:22

Any chance they are paying for the sister?

GingerWh1nger · 02/09/2017 20:24

I think there could be something in the 'snowball' idea - I come from a massive family and my mum is a kind soul who can't say no. Our family holiday always turned into a huge bunch of adult cousins etc tagging along who tended to invite themselves - while my parents were pleased to have company, there was a tipping point with numbers, especially with finances and trying to get everyone to cough up for their share. it became really stressful and we couldn't invite anyone else that we might have wanted to - ie family who were so nice (like you seem to be!) they wouldn't dream of imposing without an invite!

KoolKoala07 · 02/09/2017 20:26

That's very hurtful. Personally if it were me I'd just say 'er so what happened to my bloody invite?'

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 02/09/2017 20:28

YANBU, it's horrible being left out like that. On the other hand it could well be the recipe for the holiday from hell.... they may all come back barely on speaking terms and you may have the last laugh

Birdsgottafly · 02/09/2017 20:30

I think you should talk to your Mum, it may be that the others wasn't invited, they themselves suggested that they tag along.

This is going to fester and your Mum will be as upset when she gets back and can't change what's happened, than if you ask her before she goes.

At least do the suggestions on the WA group.

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