MIL

[98976528a]

Really not sure whether IAMBU. MIL has asked for a very expensive birthday gift. Apple iphone. Not sure if relevant but parents in law are comfortably off and richer than we are but by no means rich (if that makes sense). We really can't afford to buy one. I have said sorry but already bought gift. I tend to buy things months before key dates if I find bargains, or something I think someone would particularly like. MIL has asked me to return gift I bought to buy what she wants. Needless to say the gift I have bought while something I think she would like is much cheaper. I've said I don't think I can return it. She said ok then give it to someone else... At a pinch could buy bloody thing but feel a bit miffed because will have to cut back on all sorts of other things and break into savings. AIBU

What Whatcha said.

I'm all for 'the gift should be something the recipient wants', and much prefer people having wishlists rather than other people buying them random stuff they really don't want, but you need to be realistic with your amounts.
I think this may be the time to stop buying gifts and just give a card.
There is no way in the world I would be getting anyone an iPhone.

How rude! When did birthdays become occasions to demand that people give you huge amounts of money? If they are in no means rich and are better off than you then an new iPhone is certainly not an affordable gift to expect from your family.

Ask her if she knows how much they cost. Offer to.give her whatever you can afford towards one (modest sum) so she can start a savings plan for one. Give her a small cash gift at Christmas and birthdays for years to come.
If she is naive she might have been mislead by a friend showing her an iPhone and saying it was a bargain etc but not admitting it was a reconditioned used model.
Whatever, her behaviour is really petulant and ungracious

Fucking hell shes a cheeky cow isn't she. Get your husband to deal with it.

I have an old iPhone4, yours for a tenner :)

Don't you dare by her that phone! She is very rude. I can't believe the cheek of her. I also wouldn't give her the present you've already got her, because whatever it is she obviously won't like it. Just stick some cash in an envelope and tell her to put it towards the iPhone. I know some people disagree with giving cash as presents but hey, your MIL has no manners herself so she shouldn't complain about being given cash.

The thing is even if mil doesn't know how much it costs it is still soooo rude to ask someone to return a gift and buy you something else

Learnt the hard way... Bought all my PIL's pressies for Christmas and the last minute MIL asks for a Tassimo Coffee machine. Muggins actually bought them one.
For Christmas we got second hand charity shop stuff FIL works at the sorting centre - (so gets all stuff for just a token donation) which included second hand Clarins face products god knows how old they were (wrapped individually in tissue and in a random box)
This year MIL is getting my Estee Lauder raffle prize of a box set of (unpoened) perfume someone else didn't want.
I've told DH if they ask, Christmas has been bought and can't be changed. They are not poor but tight as.
Lucky to receive gifts I know but second hand, toiletries I draw the line at ... grim.
Just be honest ... no you can't afford it...end of!

How rude of her. Tell her no, and mean it!

No, FGS don't use savings. This is a time for boundaries, woman. Hoik up your big girl pants and say "I'm sorry, MIL, but we can't afford an iphone as a gift right now. However, I'm happy to give you money that you can put towards it."

Make sure your own requests for gifts are reciprocally priced. You can't accept £500 gifts from people if you don't offer equivalent in return.

Is your Mil 15 years old?

*I think yes you should indeed return her gift.
And buy her an I ron. *

Or a goat.

I really hate being told what to buy in this way. Dh and I get a £25 voucher for somewhere we don't shop from inlaws but they are forever asking us to contribute £50-100 to group gifts for them. I'm a cow and just say we can't afford it. It's ridiculous, they earn more than us and have little outgoings.

Seriously just say no. It's ridiculous and if they moan to others about you saying no they are going to be the ones who look bad

"Ahahaha ahahaha ahaha NO."

Just about covers my take on that.

Get her one of the very old ones from ebay or somewhere. And smile sweetly at her disappointed greedy face.

Is this for real?!

Thanks all. Love Misery's suggestion. Very tempting!
DH would buy MIL's presents but because she has form for asking for very expensive gifts (but not on this levle) and DH hates letting her down I have taken over. He'll say MIL wants such and such and I'll say what a shame I saw such and such and it was perfect. We have shared finances and I do not wanting him putting something on a credit card. To be fair I'm not sure she does know how much they cost but will know it's beyond what I usually spend. I have an upper limit on all adult presents £30. This is what we can afford. Other 4 siblings earn a lot more and therefore buy bigger presents which creates a competitive environment. Being one step removed I am immune to this sort of pressure but DH not so much so. For what it's worth my last gift was a yankee candle.

If what you can afford is 30 pounds, that is a small drop in the price of an iPhone. You need to be honest with her. Tell her what the price is and what your present budget is. That should make it clear to her why you won´t be buying one.

Just be honest and tell her you're struggling financially and can't afford it.

Someone once suggested (when I asked for ideas) a specific present. I looked it up and found it was more than I would expect to spend. I just said 'it's a bit out of my budget'.. She said she had seen it at someone else's house and had no idea how much it cost. I got something else. Problem solved. That's what would happen with normal reasonable people. If MIL has already rejected your response that you have bought something else etc she is already being rude.
I hate it when people turn birthdays/Christmas etc into a huge fuss entailing enforced spending beyond people's means.

Can you give her a second hand one? Maybe an iPhone or 6? Probably a few hundred rather than £600.

My DHs father is like this, demands the red carpet treatment when it is his birthday, requests shopping trips and expensive gifts, yet he always gets H something from the service station, or an IOU.

For Christmas FIL gets all the women in the family the same chocolates from Lidl. I think he sees us as interchangeable. I have been telling him for YEARS that I don't like these chocolates, but I still get them. I can't decide whether he is being passive aggressive or that he just doesn't care.

Anyway, requesting a gift is horribly crass. Proper cringeworthy. Uggghhh.

OK - then she is a pisstaker of the highest level.

Just ignore her and give her the original present. I would avoid this woman like the plague to be honest......