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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not go to this concert with DP?

145 replies

thekittensmittens76 · 01/09/2017 13:21

DP is meeting up with his brother to go to a small gig. It's rock metal music or something. They were going with another friend but he dropped out, so there's a ticket spare. DP asked me if I wanted to go, but since he hasn't seen his brother in a while I initially said it would nicer for just the two of them to go and spend some quality time together. Important note - I have met all of DP's family but this brother, because he lives in another country.

Anyway, DP has really been digging in his heels about me going. To keep the peace, I half-heartedly agreed BEFORE he told me the specifics of this concert (he originally phrased it like it was a casual meet-up with brother). However, after learning the full story, there's a whole load of reasons that I don't want to go. I am tiny and hate crowded spaces like gigs because I get crushed or trodden on. DP's also said that I should bring ear plugs because the music will likely be too loud for me?! Plus I hate rock metal music. He's also said I will need to wear clothes 'I don't mind getting ruined'. I take great pride in my wardrobe and all my clothes are lovely and expensive! Basically, I really do not want to go, concerts were never my thing and never will be. I thought it was going to be a chilled out drinking session with music, but it's not.

DP is utterly insistent that I go. AIBU to not go?

OP posts:
lalaloopyhead · 01/09/2017 13:27

Well first of all I am very curious as too who this band is? I have been to many a metal concert and I don't think I have ever ruined my clothes!

Secondly why is he so keen for you to go??

GeillisTheWitch · 01/09/2017 13:27

YANBU not to want to go if it's really not your thing. How far away is the gig, could you compromise by agreeing to meet his brother before the gig and go for a couple of quiet drinks then you could go home?

magoria · 01/09/2017 13:27

If it is not your thing YANBU not to go.

It will be very very loud. Even at a tiny venue.

If you are tiny you will not see much and may get squashed.

If it is not your kind of music you will not enjoy it.

I don't understand his comment about clothing getting ruined. That never happened to me.

You weren't going originally. Stick to that.

lalaloopyhead · 01/09/2017 13:28

And no YANBU at all to not go to a gig if you don't want to. If it was a family meal or such like that would be different in terms of making the effort.

thekittensmittens76 · 01/09/2017 13:29

In terms of clothes, I guess he means people banging into you and sloshing drink on you...

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/09/2017 13:30

He's wrong to insist you go to anything you don't want to. It's not like a family wedding.

KatyaZamolodchikova · 01/09/2017 13:30

Is it Gwar? Because your clothes will definitely be ruined if it is.

If not, your clothes will be fine. But if you hate it, he won't enjoy it either. DP goes to loads of gigs, I'm usually invited. I say yes to the ones I think I'll enjoy and no to the ones I don't think I will. Then he doesn't have to worry about me enjoying myself, either I am or I'm not there!

justintrudeaussocks · 01/09/2017 13:31

what's the band called?

justkeeponsmiling · 01/09/2017 13:31

I think it's very odd your DP is insisting you go. My DH is into rock/metal and never in a million years would insist I went to a concert he knew I would hate. He would happily go alone of all his friends cancelled before even considering asking me, never mind pressuring me!
Sounds to me like you need to consider the dynamics of your relationship.

thekittensmittens76 · 01/09/2017 13:32

Sorry guys, I can't remember the name of the band and DP has the tickets with him at work! But it's some kind of rock/metal thing, I think.

OP posts:
Giraffey1 · 01/09/2017 13:32

It is strange that he is so keen for you to go, given you don't like the music, crowds, loud stuff etc. Is there another reason he would like you come that he hasn't told you?

I'd ask him up front why he wants you to go - tell him you really aren't happy about it and why, and see what he says.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 01/09/2017 13:32

utterly insistent Er, too bad. You don't fancy it and he can't pick you up and carry you there.

paradoxicalInterruption · 01/09/2017 13:32

Can you not meet up with Brother for a drink first and then wave them off....

theknackster · 01/09/2017 13:33

KatyaZamolodchikova Grin

GWAR is the only gig where the biggest crush is at the back of the venue, away from the stage.

thekittensmittens76 · 01/09/2017 13:34

I suggested drinks prior and DP said no, they don't want to do that... Apparently it's this concert or zilch. Confused

OP posts:
PantPlot · 01/09/2017 13:35

Just tell him to piss off surely?

CryingShame · 01/09/2017 13:38

If you don't want to go, tell him so, but make other arrangements to meet with his brother. Having said that though, DH came to a concert with me a few weeks ago for a loud band (they handed out earplugs to concert goers with their fingers in their ears and you felt the floor vibrate through your chest) because I had no-one else to go with and he was paying as a birthday present. He came out loving them but usually hates that style of music. You won't ruin your clothes though, but maybe don't wear beige suede boots.

Mrscropley · 01/09/2017 13:41

Zilch sounds just perfect. .
It won't be drinks getting spilt op it will be bottles of flying pee you will need to dodge!!
Stay home and mn instead!! GrinWine

Shoxfordian · 01/09/2017 13:41

I don't understand why he's so insistent that you go; he sounds quite difficult. Is he usually controlling like this?

Crunchymum · 01/09/2017 13:42

Is he usually so demanding of you OP?

Witsender · 01/09/2017 13:42

Zilch is exactly what you want hey, so I'd just agree to that! 😂

Ameliablue · 01/09/2017 13:47

Sounds awful.

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 01/09/2017 13:51

What exactly his reason for insisting you go?

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 01/09/2017 13:53

You've never met his brother and your DH wants to spend (rare by the sound of it) time with you both together. I don't think he's being unreasonable to want you there. For the sake of one night I'd suck it up and let your hair down a bit. I'm sure there's something in your wardrobe that is suitable...

CoolCarrie · 01/09/2017 13:53

Tell him no, you will end up feeling ill,due to the noise and too many people,and you don't want to spoil their evening. Stand your ground and tell him to sell it back or to someone at his work.