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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not go to this concert with DP?

145 replies

thekittensmittens76 · 01/09/2017 13:21

DP is meeting up with his brother to go to a small gig. It's rock metal music or something. They were going with another friend but he dropped out, so there's a ticket spare. DP asked me if I wanted to go, but since he hasn't seen his brother in a while I initially said it would nicer for just the two of them to go and spend some quality time together. Important note - I have met all of DP's family but this brother, because he lives in another country.

Anyway, DP has really been digging in his heels about me going. To keep the peace, I half-heartedly agreed BEFORE he told me the specifics of this concert (he originally phrased it like it was a casual meet-up with brother). However, after learning the full story, there's a whole load of reasons that I don't want to go. I am tiny and hate crowded spaces like gigs because I get crushed or trodden on. DP's also said that I should bring ear plugs because the music will likely be too loud for me?! Plus I hate rock metal music. He's also said I will need to wear clothes 'I don't mind getting ruined'. I take great pride in my wardrobe and all my clothes are lovely and expensive! Basically, I really do not want to go, concerts were never my thing and never will be. I thought it was going to be a chilled out drinking session with music, but it's not.

DP is utterly insistent that I go. AIBU to not go?

OP posts:
DPotter · 02/09/2017 01:41

In the sunny south of England that is

PicardsCombOver · 02/09/2017 02:18

Norland Are you usually this unrelenting in your need to be right? No offence intended, you just seem awfully upset about a word and it's usage Smile it's a very little word too.

PicardsCombOver · 02/09/2017 02:21

AcrossThePond it's all well and good that people where you live use gig if you are a musician but just look at what you did to aluminium. Tut.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 02/09/2017 02:37

*It sounds like he just really wants to go, and he can hardly go on his own.
*
Why on earth not?

As a small blonde woman who's been going to gigs at home and abroad alone for years I'm gonna stick my neck out here and say...your DP will survive

Another small blonde woman here. I prefer going on my own. I can concentrate on the music
.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/09/2017 02:44

Picard Not to mention theater, color, neighbor, tire and that's before we start on bonnet/hood, rubber/eraser.......we could go on all night, couldn't we? But we won't. Or should that be shan't. Grin

Littlechip · 02/09/2017 08:07

I had a pint of puke chucked down my back at a gig once. Not even a rock gig. My new top was ruined.

QueenMortificado · 02/09/2017 08:16

When is / was it? Last night? Did you go?

daydreamnation · 02/09/2017 08:37

I spent a large part of my teenage years and 20s going to gigs. I followed bands like loop, my bloody valentine, nirvana, primal scream up and down the country whenever I could fit it around work and other general partying!
If I'd ever heard anyone say they were off to concert, I'd have presumed they were off to see boy zone at the local arena or some crooner like Barry Manilow Grin
I'm 45 now and occasionally still go to a gig. The best place to find out where bands are playing soon? Any local or national 'gig guide'
Case closed.

AlternativeTentacle · 02/09/2017 08:55

Alternative. I'm American. In the US, a 'gig' is what a musician calls a playing job and a 'concert' is what we go to to hear that musician.

Across The pond, and I am Canadian. And go to gigs. Many of which my friends are the ones performing them. What of it?

PicardsCombOver · 02/09/2017 09:09

Acrossthepond55 indeed Grin

LespritDescalier · 02/09/2017 09:48

A band in a pub has never been referred to as a concert. Not even in america!

Beadieeye · 02/09/2017 10:20

Lass, well of course he could go on his own, but he clearly doesn't want to. Some people do, and that's good for them. A lot of people travel to gigs on their own then meet up with others once they're there. It's not unheard of, but personally I can't think of anyone I know who would want to go on a night out on their todd and watch people all around them having a great time.
He wants to share his passion but if OP doesn't want to go, then she won't. It's no big deal.

littlemisssweetness · 02/09/2017 15:01

Well since only he can go tell him to sell the tickets, that way he gets his money back... the fact he has no one else to go with him says a lot anyway

ReanimatedSGB · 02/09/2017 15:22

It seems to me like this is a bigger problem than just a gig - your DP is trying to bully you into obeying him. That's not reasonable behaviour.

Is he like this about other things? Do you usually just let him have his way about everything (what to eat, where to go, when to have sex) because life is just easier that way?

kazillionaire · 02/09/2017 15:25

Someone I know got stuck in a crush at a concert - two and a half years later they are still suffering from PTSD and just going back into work part time - not really worth the risk is it?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 02/09/2017 15:39

A lot of people travel to gigs on their own then meet up with others once they're there. It's not unheard of, but personally I can't think of anyone I know who would want to go on a night out on their todd and watch people all around them having a great time

Perhaps you try exercising your imagination to see how this is a perfectly normal occurrence?

He wants to share his passion but if OP doesn't want to go, then she won't. It's no big deal.

He is making it a big deal. If his passion is the music it is supremely selfish to force someone else to share that passion. If he was genuinely passionate about the music it would not matter who else was there, even no-one.

alfagirl73 · 02/09/2017 16:31

I've gone to gigs on my own - it's no big deal. But OP if it's not your thing then you shouldn't feel pressured to go.

As for gig v concert.... I'd more use the term "concert" to describe a classical concert or the like. I frequently use the term gig but the main difference to me is: if someone says they've "got a gig" - then they're the musician/in the band/playing. If someone says "I'm going to a gig" - they're attending as part of the audience. But the term "gig" has been used for a long time by people who go to see bands play.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/09/2017 17:12

"DP is utterly insistent that I go."
Why? (Plus - he doesn't get to insist any such thing.)

"Okay so update. Everyone has now dropped out. I have to go now right? :/"
Why?
Why 1 - has everyone else dropped out?
Why 2 - does this mean you HAVE to go?

"DP has doubled on the insistence now, as it was a 'gift'."
Why? What is the significance of it being a gift? And a gift from who, to who?

Isetan · 02/09/2017 18:15

No, you don't have to go and bullying you turns the no, into a hells no.

Why on earth do you think just because he say so, that you have to go?

Is he normally a self important prick, or is this a new development?

Beadieeye · 02/09/2017 23:20

Lass, you're alright thanks, I'll keep my valid opinion.
Re 'it's no big deal', I meant it's no big deal if she doesn't go. She can just say 'no'. He can't force her to go to the gig

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