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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not sending dc to nursery when he turns 3

93 replies

NotAnotherUserName5 · 01/09/2017 08:13

No big reason for not sending him really. I'd just like to take him for days out to farm parks, beaches, mother and toddler groups etc.

The nursery he would be going to would mean we couldn't do any of these things anymore, as everything's a good half hours drive away (rural) and I have older dcs to collect at 3pm. Set over 5 days, the sessions would mean I'd be stuck at home with my new baby.

I had this scenario when my older dc went to nursery and I got very withdrawn at being stuck at home with the baby.

Family all think I'm holding my dc back/mad for considering this.

AIBU?

OP posts:

NancyJoan · 01/09/2017 08:14

Does he have to go for all the days? A couple of days a week might be nice for both of you.

KityGlitr · 01/09/2017 08:15

Why would it be holding him back?

If you don't need to send the child to nursery then don't! I always thought nursery was more for kids whose parents needed childcare. I never went to nursery, was at home with either parent until I started school at 4. I have loads of lovely memories of that precious time with my mum especially. I can't see why they'd have put me in nursery unless they had to.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 01/09/2017 08:17

Just let him go for 2 days?

If it's a good nursery I think he will be held back if you don't send him. It will do him good to mix with other dc his own age especially before he goes to school.
And surely you can drop him off, go out fir the day with the baby then be back to pick him up at 3?

minipie · 01/09/2017 08:19

What do you think your DS would prefer?

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 01/09/2017 08:20

Kity It can be a big shock when they start school, if they haven't experienced nursery.

I'm. Not saying they need to go 5 days a week from aged 3. But if they can have experience of nursery for a few days a week, for at least a couple of terms, that is very helpful.

FuzzyCustard · 01/09/2017 08:21

None of my three children went to nursery...they did a couple of mornings at a local playgroup instead.
They were not held back in the slightest - all were perfectly sociable and were fluent readers etc from what they were taught at home. They also had no problems whatsoever settling into school at rising 5.
It's not compulsory and I can appreciate your thinking.

Bluntness100 · 01/09/2017 08:21

There is benefits to the kids in terms of socialisation and also independence in prep for starting school. I notice your post is all about what it means to you, nothing about your son really.

I worked, so my daughter went to a child minder, a very experienced older woman, who still writes to her even though she is now 20, who took her out on day trips, but also suggested and recommended to me she took her to nursery for socialisation once a week for a couple of hours, when she was two, and she was right, she loved it, and I increased the hours, even though it meant less money for the child minder.

So I think there is a balance, but I do think there is a benefit in sending kids to nursery. Maybe he can go for a reduced period?

2littlemoos · 01/09/2017 08:23

I'm in the same boat as you OP so.. placemarking!

Sirzy · 01/09/2017 08:24

I think whatever decision you make you need to make sure it is what is best for your son not just what you want.

Is that the only option or can you see if there is a private nursery where you could use less hours or split them over less days?

It's not compulsory though, it's about what is best for each child. For DS is was a massive help to him and made he school transition much easier.

Imstickingwiththisone · 01/09/2017 08:26

As others have said OP it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Might help the start of school seem less daunting for both of you. I used my free hours for sessions while i was working so ended up being over 2 and a half days and my days off we spent all day together, was best of both worlds.

KityGlitr · 01/09/2017 08:27

I guess it depends on the kid, but however much of a shock it is to start school it's gonna happen anyway and the child will learn to adjust. I do remember my first day at school hiding under the wet play table and saying I wouldn't come out until Mrs Teacher called my mummy and made her come and get me haha! She said she would and led me out by the hand and within five minutes of playing with the other kids I was fine and settled and never had any issues after that. I think i just hadn't realised that school was gonna be a regular daily thing, I remember the short settling in days well and thought my mum and I would go together and then leave and never go back lol.

tinypop4 · 01/09/2017 08:27

I think at 3 a little bit of familiarisation of settings with other children around is a good thing- even if it's just 2 mornings or something. However I do not think you would be causing him any harm if you didn't - you sound like you're an experienced parent so I'm sure he would be fine if you really didn't want him to go!

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 01/09/2017 08:28

Fuzzy but your dc went to a playgroup, with will have the same socialising benefits as a nursery.

LML83 · 01/09/2017 08:34

I would sign him up but keep him off whenever you had a day trip planned. keeps it flexible.

Elisheva · 01/09/2017 08:35

I love three year olds! Some of my fondest memories are of when mine were three, trips out, baking, parks etc. No way would I lose out on that year! Mine all went to nursery or child minder for two days - but that is because I was working on those days.

Original poster

NotAnotherUserName5 · 01/09/2017 08:35

He has to spread his sessions over 5 days here (wales) I would love to do just 2 full days.

OP posts:

Camomila · 01/09/2017 08:36

I think that if there is an option to send him for 2 or 3 days a week that would be ideal but if it's a choice of all or nothing i'd let him stay home if taking him means you will be stuck home all day because of pick up/drop offs taking so long.

Your mental health is important too and I dont think the benefits (to ds) of nursery outweigh the benefits (the the whole family) of having a mum who isnt stressed/glum from being stuck at home.

Joinourclub · 01/09/2017 08:36

I found that two days worked for us. My eldest dc enjoyed his time at nursery with his friends and I enjoyed a few quiet days with just me and the baby. Then we had three days of fun together. I don't see why you'd want to have a child in nursery 5 days if you aren't in work. But I think it is nice for the youngest to get a bit of time without the older one and I do think that children benefit from sometime without us, playing with their friends and interacting with other adults. They also do lots of messy play and arts and crafts that it's hard to do at home when you have a baby too.

Joinourclub · 01/09/2017 08:38

Ah just seen your update about having to do 5 days. I wouldn't do that either!

QuiteLikely5 · 01/09/2017 08:40

Nursery prepares kids educationally and practically. Will he be used to sitting at a table for periods of time as he would be in class? He will get to know friends who he will move up to class with too? Learn nursery rhymes, counting, spelling his name etc granted he might do these things with you but if you are adamant that you'll be entertaining him each and every day then I suppose it's positive either way!

I've never met a parent who does numerous activities each and every day! Thought it was a myth!

Nuttynoo · 01/09/2017 08:40

At 3 your dc should be getting used to being in a formal environment with other kids. Most good nurseries actively prepare 3 yos for school - they go through reading/numbers yes, but they also prepare them to sit in a classroom, ensure they know how to eat school dinners with a knife and fork/use toilet (flush, wash hands, tell teacher etc), and will encourage them to make friends.

A lot of comments here saying he doesnt need nursery but actually you will find that when he starts school, unless he had gone to nursery at least 3 days a week, he will be behind and his teacher will probably focus to catch up on all the social things he's missing while the other kids get to learn.

Original poster

NotAnotherUserName5 · 01/09/2017 08:41

Perhaps I could pay for a couple of sessions per week in a private nursery.
Any ideas how much that'd cost?

OP posts:

LadyPenelope68 · 01/09/2017 08:41

Held back because they haven't been to Nursery???? What utter tosh! Neither of mine went to nursery and have developed into confident, sociable and intelligent teenagers.

Nuttynoo · 01/09/2017 08:44

You'll be horrified how many non-nursery kids who start school at 4 who don't have any idea how to interact with other kids on a sustained basis over more than an hour or so. Or who don't get used to eating school dinners by themselves (teachers won't feed them) or aren't familiar with proper meals that haven't been mushed/cut up. All of that holds a kid back from learning.

Soubriquet · 01/09/2017 08:44

It is entirely your choice

My Dd was eligible for the 2 year old finding

I had just given birth to my Ds too. So I sent her to nursery 3 days a week for 4 hours a day.

Mainly done so I could have a rest and bonding with my Ds.

She loved nursery though and I'm glad I did it

My Ds goes to nursery now at 2 too. Mainly for socialisation skills. He's very handsy and prone to throwing a wobbly. Nursery has helped calm him down lovely and improve his speech...though this 6 weeks holiday has regressed him slightly.

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