To not sending dc to nursery when he turns 3

[NotAnotherUserName5]

No big reason for not sending him really. I'd just like to take him for days out to farm parks, beaches, mother and toddler groups etc.

The nursery he would be going to would mean we couldn't do any of these things anymore, as everything's a good half hours drive away (rural) and I have older dcs to collect at 3pm. Set over 5 days, the sessions would mean I'd be stuck at home with my new baby.

I had this scenario when my older dc went to nursery and I got very withdrawn at being stuck at home with the baby.

Family all think I'm holding my dc back/mad for considering this.

AIBU?

What does he want to do?

My DD loves her pre-school, and would rather be there playing with her friends than in the park with me. She's asked to go everyday of the summer break- even when we've been camping in the New Forest.

If he would enjoy the social aspect of it- and the vast majority do at that age- then it seems a bit strange to me to not send him for at least a couple of days a week.

None of mine went to nursery,pre school or school till age 9.. they had a lovely time on beaches,cheap holidays,learning throu play..they are adults/ nearly adults now..A*s at A level all round,uni ,management scheems...so he won't be behinned by not going to nursery,he will be fine ..

We've chosen not to bother with nursery for ds for this very reason op, at the one attached to the local primary school you have to have 5 mornings or afternoons a week and you can't chose which you get. My friend sent her 3 year old and she just cried and slept through the sessions for an entire term because she still napped in the afternoon (so does ds). We send him to pre school (totally separate from the school)instead and we've found that they are much more flexible. Ours has the 15 hours funding so free for our needs from 3 but it's around £10 a session under 3 (a session is 9-11.30)and around £1.90 for lunch club. Our local private nurseries are around £50 per day.

I'm a SAHM and do loads with them but I do think ds has benefitted from going to pre school.

I finished work a year ago and as DS was already in private nursery and used to full time hours, chose to keep him registered there and used my 15 hours of funding to subsidise it and paid for wraparound care so that the drop offs and pickups didn't clash against the school run. He did 2.5 days so we kept 2 full days together which was a good balance.

I could have transferred him to DS's school across the road but that would have broken my days up 5 days a week. He'd have had to change setting and some of those friendship groups formed in that year would be broken up on transfer to nursery anyway as many don't get places in that school. He was also still napping frequently so would have fallen asleep after a morning session, or would have been very tired if he had an afternoon.

It was definitely an additional cost, but better for both our quality of life.

I refused to send any of my 3. We spent blissful days with friends or just together. We picnickers, rambled, swam, shopped, cooked, painted, salt doughed, puddle splashed, watched Disney films, read stories , learnt numbers and letters, took bus and train rides, napped, socialised most days, built camps in the woods, went out for lunch, studied nature, made giant beds on the floor and snuggled.

They are now very sociable, clever, well adjusted young adults.

I wasn't ready to part with them at 2 yrs 9 mths!

Nursery couldn't give them anything more than I could.

Nuttynoo yeah, I realise day nurseries where kids are there full time will offer meals, I guess I really meant preschools and school nurseries, most of which won't offer dinners. Children who haven't eaten meals there still cope absolutely fine when having to start eating dinners in a school environment.

Nuttynoo yeah, I realise day nurseries where kids are there full time will offer meals, I guess I really meant preschools and school nurseries, most of which won't offer dinners. Children who haven't eaten meals there still cope absolutely fine when having to start eating dinners in a school environment.

Some people are saying sign them up but don't take them some days. If you did that regularly in the nursery I use you would lose your funding.

We turned down the free Nursery place attached to DS1 School for 5 mornings for DS2 from September of this year.

Instead, we are sending him to the fabulous Nursery DS1 went to for 2 days. It has a massive outside area and as I am paying for it, we have more option if we don't send him in.

I am of the same opinion as you and really didn't want him to go to Nursery.
However, I feel that for two days he is gaining enormous amounts from going,and it means that we get to enjoy him for the other five days. It's win win imo.

The pressure also from DS1 School re attendance for their stats etc is insane and I certainly didn't want that pressure from them for my just turned three year old , in that if I did keep off for say, a visit to see GP or a day at the farm, I really didn't need the hassle from the School about why he wasn't there. They really are a joke. Even more so as he doesn't legally need to be at School until the term after his fifth birthday anyway.

Do what you feel is right and what you want to do.

Good luck

Why would he have to go 5 full days? Sounds crazy if you're at home.
Mine just did 3 mornings a week (9-12) from the age of about 3. It was very flexi and if they were tired or not in the mood, then I just didn't take them.

I really felt the pressure to send my little boy to pre school when he turned 3, he had never been in childcare of any sort and I felt really torn about the whole thing. I ended up sending him in the September, he had just turned 3 in July.. started with 3 half days and gradually increased to three half days two with lunches, and then one full day and two half days. The first few months were horrendous and I wanted to pull him out - he cried so much, but one day he just walked in and was absolutely fine.

To cut a long story short I am so glad he went, he has done so much more than I would ever do with him at home and he ended up absolutely loving it. I feel so much better about him starting school next week, I know it will still be a shock after the school holidays but at least he knows what to expect and knows some other children, especially as the pre school is attached to his school. I had a good balance though of days with him and without him, plus it meant I could spend some time with my youngest, and even go and have a coffee more easily... some me time.

It's a personal choice though, and I also think how young the child is has a bearing - for me I felt I needed to get him used to that kind of environment as he is one of the younger ones and going to school so young is such a big deal and a big shock if they aren't used to it.

Nothing helpful to add, but these people spending blissful sociable days with their toddlers/pre-schoolers must have very different children to mine!

5 mornings or afternoons didn't suit me, with Ds2, only purely re my p/t job.
But I managed to get him in for 2.5 full days which suited me brilliantly. And he adored going.

Fuzzycustard is spot on.....

None of my three children went to nursery...they did a couple of mornings at a local playgroup instead.
They were not held back in the slightest - all were perfectly sociable and were fluent readers etc from what they were taught at home. They also had no problems whatsoever settling into school at rising 5.
It's not compulsory and I can appreciate your thinking.

My 3 were the same. Nursery is for childcare.

Just wanted to add my agreement to the people suggesting you double check whether you can send him for 2 or 3 mornings only. So he can benefit from nursery, but you won't be tied to nursery runs all week and can still have a couple of days out. This is what I did with my youngest, but for different reasons - he was very shy and nervous without me and I didn't want to overwhelm him.

It worked out brilliantly in the long run as once he was settled he absolutely loved his nursery days, and I think it made the transition to school so much easier because he was used to getting on without me there. In my experience it wasn't so much about socialising or letters/numbers/whatever as they can do all that with you there, but in making those first steps towards independence. Dealing with the separation issue at nursery worked because of the (very!) patient staff who had more time to give him 1 to 1 attention than a reception teacher could, and they let us do a very long settling in period too, starting off with me there and gradually leaving him for longer periods.

The other thing you might want to consider is that the other children at toddler groups will tend to be younger than him next year, so he might not get to play with other children at the same developmental stage as himself.

I don't suppose there are any nice places you could go with your baby that are nearer to the nursery whilst he is there, rather than going home? Maybe local library rhyme time, or parks, or toddler/baby groups in other villages?

You'll be horrified how many non-nursery kids who start school at 4 who don't have any idea how to interact with other kids on a sustained basis over more than an hour or so. Or who don't get used to eating school dinners by themselves (teachers won't feed them) or aren't familiar with proper meals that haven't been mushed/cut up. All of that holds a kid back from learning.

What's that got to do with nursery though, in the case of a child that can feed themselves, has older siblings etc. as in OP's case?

DS1 ramped up through childminders for a couple of hours twice a week to playgroups to school from 2 years old, worked for us, meant I could increase my freelancing etc. DS2 had to fit around DS1 starting school, so he went to a childminder, and didn't experience a group/nursery situation until he went to kindergarten, my sisters kids stayed home with her until school age - all totally fine, none held back by whichever choices we all made. I went to playgroups when I was a kid, never did nursery at all.

Nursery helps those kids who would otherwise have had poor outcomes due to poverty etc. for kids that aren't in that situation, it's not going to make a lot of difference.

I'm sorry but I can't believe that every nursery in your area only gives you the option of having free sessions 5 days a week. Mine go to a private nursery 2 days a week which are funded from the free hours. Personally I think your child will miss out greatly from not going - mine absolutely love it and have developed massively since starting. I would really try and find somewhere that will fund his part time attendance.

pi1ates in Wales virtually every school has a nursery classes offering 5 morning or 5 afternoon sessions where most children go. It's pretty much seen as the child starts school at 3, they wear uniform etc often there's an option to pay for them to stay all day too.
You can get your hours privately at a childminder or day nursery but IME as a nursery TA and parent it's not that common.

I'd go for three half days (if whole days aren't available) as it will give him the chance to settle in and enjoy it. My DS did two half days at nursery at that age and was happier when we increased it as he didn't have such a long time between sessions. I do think it's a good opportunity for DCs to go to nursery (not necessarily full time), I'm so happy that's what we decided as I know DS is more prepared for school and more confident socially as a result.
Even if you can only spread it over five days I would imagine that as he's not of school age yet there should be no problem with you choosing not to do all the sessions?

Do you HAVE to go for the 5 mornings? What happens if you choose to only go for 3?

Depending on the school Oblomov17 they can revoke your place.

find another nursery or playgroup that enables him to have 2/3 sessions a week to get him settled for school and enables you to have days out

find stuff to do with the baby do you have a childrens centre etc that does baby sessions when he is at playgroup/preschool

It's going to depend on the child a lot, how much it benefits them (and on the parent I guess)

My daughter (nearly 4) would hate to just stay with me all the time, she is a total extrovert and needs to socialise with her peers. She tells me off if I pick her up early! She won't do mum and toddler type classes any more so goes to independent gym and swimming classes on the days she's not at nursery.
Every child is different and every parent is different, and nurseries/ore schools vary hugely in quality. There is no single "right" way

Op- I'd go for balance, see if there's a way to get him a couple of days a week somewhere so you have time just with the baby. It's lovely to get a couple of quiet mornings for the baby too. And/or , see if there are some classes for pre-schoolers where he could experience some independence?

At the independent primary mine went to (London) there was a nursery school attached, but it was for mornings only and you don't have to do 5 days a week. People did it mainly to get an assured reception place at the school, although there was a further intake at reception anyway. There was no difference between children joining reception from the nursery or from playgroups really. I think if you have a secure and fairly sociable child, they will hopefully settle into school life regardless.

I'm repeating others here but: where I live some nursery's insist you use the free funding as five half days, like you're saying. Others will let you use it as two full days. If the nursery you're looking at is insisting on five half days could you look elsewhere?

The nursery we use are much more flexible about you turning up or not if you're paying yourself. Mine DC isn't old enough for funding yet so they don't tend to care if we choose not to take them on odd days - although we obviously still pay for those days. But kids who are funded are expected to be there unless they sick/have a medical appt/on a family holiday, otherwise public money is paying for them not to be there!