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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hotel restaurant and iPads etc

439 replies

mckenzie · 31/08/2017 09:53

We are on holiday and staying in a hotel with breakfast included.
Settle nicely at a table this morning, in the shade, over lookimgbthe gardens, watching the birds on the ledge. A family then take the table next to us.

The older child (I'm guessing age 5) is given an iPad and starts playing a game with noice so we can hear ping and pong and clapping and other computer type noises.
The younger child (I'm guessing 18 months) has a phone propped up in front of her and is watching a video of some sort so we can hear high pitched animated voices and weird music.

AIBU to expect the family to think of others and provide said children with headphones?

OP posts:
DailyMailReadersAreThick · 31/08/2017 18:30

This distinction between natural and artificial noise is just snobbery.

No, it isn't. Please read the post by Youcanstayundermyumbrella.

Autofillcontact · 31/08/2017 18:43

I'm sure she's read it but just thinks it's crap

grandOlejukeofYork · 31/08/2017 18:46

Some kids, especially toddlers won't wear headphones. They can be uncomfortable/ annoying for them

Then tough shit for them, they can't have any sound.

We had one of these threads a few weeks ago, it was full of wankers defending their little poppets rights to blast peppa pig anywhere and everywhere, apparently it is anti-social and mean if you have a problem with it! Hmm

LakieLady · 31/08/2017 18:51

I love this post more than anything. It's just amazing for so many reasons. I have read it about 100 times now

Which is about 900 times less than she asked me "What's that called?"

I hope she grows out of that soon, it's bloody knackering.

Nuttynoo · 31/08/2017 19:09

Maybe a hundred years ago being able to spend 3 hours scribbling with a red crayon is a great achievement. These days photoshop on an ipad is much more useful.

Photoshop on an ipad is never useful. Ask any professional photographer- work has to be done on the expensive laptop version with a tablet/camera to have any hope of being a valuable and useful skill.

FrancisCrawford · 31/08/2017 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nuttynoo · 31/08/2017 19:09

And by tablet I don't mean ipad I mean Wacom

Blossom4538 · 31/08/2017 19:14

We try to chat and draw/play drawing puzzles but DD has some special needs (which may not be obviously apparent to others) and can get very restless, anxious and loud in social situations like cafes and restaurants. We as a very last resort do programmes or games on phone with volume down or headphones. I am not keen on plugging into tablets or phones etc really.

Think u need to show consideration for others with volume.

notanotherNC · 31/08/2017 19:16

I wouldn't let me kids do this. But I think it is a sign of the times and will just become more normal as time goes on now.

EmergencyNamePanic · 31/08/2017 19:22

theautismdiaries.com/2017/08/29/i-see-you/

This was being discussed today on a forum I was on. Please don't put me if anyone recognises me. This is my reality...

ThursdayLastWeek · 31/08/2017 19:23

My kid (4yo) has zero autistic traits etc etc but is just hard to control at the table when he's finished eating.

Sure, I could interact with him the whole time but that would mostly just be me saying 'DS NO! Stop playing with that drink/salt/straw, DS NO! Stop annoying your sibling. DS NO! Youcanotget down from the table yet' and actually, I'd like to eat my fucking meal too y'know?

SometimesI bring a sticker book but he needs me to do that with him. Sometimes I bring the iPad because id like to talk to the people I'm with. Sometimes I forget to bring anything and I have a miserable time.

Just ask them to turn the volume down and get over yourself.

Ttbb · 31/08/2017 19:26

For a lot of children the alternative is noise making. We can manage a meal without (granted we spend a lot of time walking around throughout the meal which some people find equally annoying) but sone children really are just hyperactive and have underlying behavioural disorders. Unless you have experience with such children you just wouldn't understand. I know that a lot of parents use technology to ignore their children but you can't assume that this is always the case. I understand why you are annoyed but this is common place in family friendly establishments. If you dislike it so much you should fork out a bit more for a decent hotel.

umck2014 · 31/08/2017 19:32

YANBU. People like you pay for the accommodation and the meals in the hotel and you should expect to enjoy without disruption like that. It's not fair. It's not the kids' fault though. The parents should have known better

MrsKoala · 31/08/2017 19:38

No need to feel sorry for her Francis. There was no ipad when she removed her hearing aid! As i said DS1 was just counting bloody chairs!! My point was that sometimes people get annoyed about things which is just normal, okay sounds. She sat bitching loudly about everything which we had the misfortune to listen to. While ds1 (who also has a disability btw) was trying to occupy/sooth himself by (admittedly quite loudly counting) she made a massive thing about removing her hearing aid so she couldn't hear him. Dh bolted down his food and left me bfing dd and supervising ds2 while he took ds1 out. She replaced her aid, saying 'thank god HE'S gone' then dh realised i had the room key and came back in and ds1 was by then singing a rhyme (not shouting but as audible as someone loudly speaking - he struggles with speaking quietly regardless of how many 'indoor voice' conversations we have). And she yanked her hearing aid out saying 'GOD i thought HE'D gone'. Dh and ds1 left again and she replaced her aid and continued moaning about us to her companion who hadn't said a word the whole time.

I don't feel sorry for her at all - that's why i did Grin . My Nan wore hearing aids in both ears and was deaf from her 20s. My family suffer from deafness. i have poor hearing, tinnitus and misophonia. I know how horrible it is listening to annoying noises. Sometimes i feel like i can't breath and have to remove myself. But...

Being in a public space means you are going to be exposed to such irritations. I feel i sensibly judge reasonable disturbances. Others will disagree. I have my threshold which i will remove the dc at. We've skipped meals and eaten takeaways in the car before when DS1 is being antisocial. However, even on his best day, he will not quietly colour and he has the right, as do we, to eat food as a paying guest in a hotel. We also occasionally have to travel on public transport and go to supermarkets etc. Sorry about that.

hazeyjane · 31/08/2017 19:57

I have had similar with ds, mrskoala, ds's voice seems to irritate the hell out of some people. I am just delighted he is using it tbh! I guess his pitch is all out of whack, he has a strange whoopy stammer, he can't be understood half the time and he won't be talking nicely about rudbeckias any time soon. However we live in a big old mish mash of a society and have to all rub along together, as best as we can.

user1471499792 · 31/08/2017 20:00

Umck2014, think you'll also find the parents paid for the accommodation and meals for their family too. Are they not entitled to enjoy it also?

CheekyR · 31/08/2017 20:06

Well doesn't this make me feel like a cr*p mother. My 8yo DS has high functioning autism, ADHD and mild learning difficulties, he is not interested in colouring, stickers etc... but loves his electronics. We do limit the noise by using headphones but its seems the judgement from other parents goes way beyond the noise issue. We all enjoiy eating out as a family, only difference is my son is more comfortable when he has his things with him. Can i just add that from the outside my son "looks normal", our family "looks normal", unless you knew us you would have no idea of the challenges we face.

FrancisCrawford · 31/08/2017 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twinklestar2 · 31/08/2017 20:31

YADNBU

We have a no screens at the dinner table rule.

umck2014 · 31/08/2017 20:32

user1471499792 - Of course they are entities to. Everyone is in the restaurant. I'm a parent myself and it's no way I'd let my child do that. It's called being considerate. Therefore I would expect the same. Obviously if the child has special needs and whatever might be then yes there's an exception. But just because the parents can't keep their children quiet in a restaurant setting for an hour... as a result of that others need to suffer then I think there's an issue here.

umck2014 · 31/08/2017 20:33

*entited

chronicleink · 31/08/2017 20:40

Yanbu - kids and parents should be able to get through a meal without bloody devices of any kind but that would involve some parenting, games colouring in or whatever. It's getting ridiculous. And before anyone says anything I doubt they do have special needs of some sort. The alternative isn't screaming children. FFS.

minniebear · 31/08/2017 20:57

I guess though, one family's right to enjoy a holiday/meal out doesn't trump the right of another family to do the same thing.

NewbiedontknowwhatIamdoing · 31/08/2017 21:02

Some adults really need to chill, its a bit of background noise that is dialed out for most families. Like living beside a busy road, in a terrace house or reading a book when the TV is on, you un-focus the background noise naturally.

Its really unfair for the few to demand the many live by their strict Victorian dinning etiquette. If you want a ban on electronic devices at the table go to a restaurant that bans them.

emski1972 · 31/08/2017 21:08

I've just been on holiday with my kids for 2 weeks of 6 and 5. The iPhone was used to send Daddy a handful of messages take pictures and look up the odd fact about sharks and other animals.,,I dunno but my phone is mine and it's for work. I expect my kids to interact... draw a picture or look out the window. Call me old fashioned but I think we spend so much time looking at screens and I like a natter. I recently asked a Mum on a flight if she wouldn't mind turning down the sound on her kids pad or use earphones. I was nice. She did. We are not mute people Smile