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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hotel restaurant and iPads etc

439 replies

mckenzie · 31/08/2017 09:53

We are on holiday and staying in a hotel with breakfast included.
Settle nicely at a table this morning, in the shade, over lookimgbthe gardens, watching the birds on the ledge. A family then take the table next to us.

The older child (I'm guessing age 5) is given an iPad and starts playing a game with noice so we can hear ping and pong and clapping and other computer type noises.
The younger child (I'm guessing 18 months) has a phone propped up in front of her and is watching a video of some sort so we can hear high pitched animated voices and weird music.

AIBU to expect the family to think of others and provide said children with headphones?

OP posts:
HarrietKettleWasHere · 31/08/2017 15:46

Thanks to Autofillcontact I've had a disturbing vision of a Charlie Brooker Black Mirror episode where a child has watched only Peppa Pig on an iPad in a darkened restaurant (as it's been 'designed' to help educate and develop, dontcha know!) and then child emerges into the world as a stunted, socially unaware little creature believing everyone has five jobs a la Mrs Rabbit, it's funny to be rude to adults (Peppa is an entitled little madam IMO) and it's 'cute' to speak in baby talk with a six word vocabulary beyond the age of 4.

Horrific Grin

YetAnotherSpartacus · 31/08/2017 15:47

Yes I am indeed on glue, naturally

Yes, I thought so.

5rivers7hills · 31/08/2017 15:47

Some kids, especially toddlers won't wear headphones. They can be uncomfortable/ annoying for them

Then they don't get to have the sound on then.

Autofillcontact · 31/08/2017 15:52

Not only do mumsnetters live in a world without tablets in restaurants, they also live in the late 80s when people actually did sniff glue.

Oh and one thing I think has been deliberately misunderstood- many parents (including myself) don't use an iPad to "manage" bad behaviour (I think that's what the pacifier thing turned out to be?) it's because they're bored. And it's nice for them
To have fun too.

Of course, if I weren't on glue I could just ask them to turn and face the wall and count to 5000 or something whilst we finish our coffee...

Fintress · 31/08/2017 16:01

Are you on glue?

I thought it was only school children that came out with ridiculous phrases like that.

Autofillcontact · 31/08/2017 16:06

Saying that Makes them feel part of something fintress. Like mean girls Grin

lucydogz · 31/08/2017 16:11

I think we're in transition as a society and who knows what the new 'normal' will be (though I've got a horrible idea). FWIW I think that nobody has to go out to eat - we hardly ate out at all until our children could be relied on to behave themselves. It wasn't a big deal. Now, like having foreign holidays, eating out seems to have become a necessity. So parents have to deal with children who really are too young to be in a restaurant.
From reading the several threads on this subject, it's obvious that most posters don't like noise from tablets in public spaces, but a minority don't care.
I wouldn't bother commenting to the staff in this situation, but would be talking to the parents.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 31/08/2017 16:12

Not only do mumsnetters live in a world without tablets in restaurants, they also live in the late 80s when people actually did sniff glue.

Heaven forbid DC should not have tablets for an hour hey. Poor deprived things.

Or even better if your DC use tablets how about it doesn't disturb others.

Autofillcontact · 31/08/2017 16:14

My DCs tablets don't disturb others. In fact even the OP said she could only "hear" it. (Over her lovely lyrical
Description of prancing birds and blossom)

No different to being able to hear the next table talk. As I say, tablets are not that loud.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 31/08/2017 16:16

Saying that Makes them feel part of something fintress. Like mean girls grin

To be fair, part of the majority seems to fit, judging by the comments here... :).

ZucchiniPie · 31/08/2017 16:22

The eldest is a bit old for an iPad at the table though.

The eldest aged 5 is IMO a bit young for an iPad, as is - even more so - the 18 month old for a phone.

I know I'm swimming against the tide here but I truly believe these things are REALLY REALLY bad for kids. When I see toddlers being pushed along in buggies (or whatever) staring at a screen, it triggers the same kind of reaction in me I imagine most people would feel if they saw the same child puffing on a cigarette.

OK, I realise that's a bit extreme (and my two DC aged 8 and 6 do have very minimal access to phones, but only if I'm standing over them - not on their own) but still - I really think that this is a situation where in 20 years' time people will be wringing their hands about the degree to which a generation of very small children (babies, in fact) were exposed to screens for hours at a time.

I know parents do it to have a break - but why not bring a colouring book to the restaurant instead - it works for us.

Gromance02 · 31/08/2017 16:25

MrsKoala
Last time we went to a hotel at breakfast the lady on the table next to us took her hearing aid out so she couldn't hear DS1 counting the chairs I bet you were mortified?

Youcanstayundermyumbrella · 31/08/2017 16:29

In fact even the OP said she could only "hear" it... No different to being able to hear the next table talk.

Except, as several of us have said on here already, it really is. Voices in (normal) conversation are naturally adjusted to the ambient environment most of the time. They are not artificial noise. Obviously we've all sat near the loud mouthed people from time to time, and that's life, but the background noise of a game or TV programme in the kind of environment the OP described is disruptive.

lucydogz · 31/08/2017 16:33

zucchini - I totally agree with you. We're exposing children with developing brains to something that we have no idea of the long term effects of. Mind Change by Susan Greenfield is very interesting on this.

Autofillcontact · 31/08/2017 16:37

Yes but Youcanstayundermyumbrella you're just making that up. It's one of those forum things where you're just piling into something you don't give two hoots about in real life. I bet you haven't registered 90% of the peppa pig being played around you. You just hate the idea of it.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 31/08/2017 16:38

No different to being able to hear the next table talk. As I say, tablets are not that loud.

Yes it is completely different and yes some tablets and phones can be loud.

ZucchiniPie · 31/08/2017 16:38

lucydogz thank you! I was expecting to be flamed instantly for that comment Wink

But I do stand by it, either way.

hjublen · 31/08/2017 16:47

*I think people whose children are older have just missed the I pad generation tbh. The reason they don't sit and colour in quietly for 3 hours is that their brains are now wired to take in a higher higher level
Of Information than kids pre I pad so get bored far more easily.

It's has advantages and disadvantages. Can't sit still colouring but will be far smarter*

What a load of rubbish - when did children ever sit and colour in for 3 hours. YANBU OP. Some parents are too lazy to bother interacting with their kids and take the easy way out, give them an electronic babysitter while they play on their own phones. That said the enthusiatic mums (I'm afraid it's always the women) who enthusiastically point out everything around them in a loud show-offy look at me voice are just as irritating as the kids who play games with the volume up.

Youcanstayundermyumbrella · 31/08/2017 16:48

Rubbish, autofill. It's a pet hate of mine actually. Just like most of us hate being able to hear someone else's music on a train. I asked a teenager at the table next to mine at a hotel breakfast a few weeks ago not to play videos on his phone with the volume on because it was driving me round the twist. He looked surprised but apologised and turned down the volume.

Studies show that we are more irritated by one-sided conversations, such as those we hear from those on a phone, or by half-heard or out of context dialogue or sounds, because our brains can't contextualise, and therefore ignore, them.

I don't particularly have an issue with parents who want their kids to watch ipads/phone/DSs so they can have a relaxed meal, although I think the idea that there's nothing between their use and a children running shouting round a restaurant rather alarming, and EVERY meal strikes me as worrying, as long as there is no sound from them to annoy me.

MrsKoala · 31/08/2017 16:51

Nope. Why would I be? I have a 4yr old with asd and probable ADHD. He was counting the chairs in the restaurant to occupy himself while we were eating. She made a big song and dance about taking her hearing aid out as he was annoying her. Tbh listening to her drivel on was annoying me too but being in public means we need a certain tolerance of others.

Some people really hate children in public and I have noticed we get dirty looks for the children making just normal noises whereas an adult wouldn't raise an eyebrow.

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 31/08/2017 16:54

It's bad manners, simple as that.

Not only do mumsnetters live in a world without tablets in restaurants,

Or maybe France? Sorry for the mass generalisation, but we've just had 2 weeks in France and didn't see a single phone or tablet out at the table in any of the restaurants we went to.

Autofillcontact · 31/08/2017 16:56

Yeah that's a fucking huge generalisation Grin

hazeyjane · 31/08/2017 16:56

Gosh, I remember when you couldn't find a thread about ipads in restaurants for love nor money, now you can't move for the fucking things.

Lottapianos · 31/08/2017 17:00

Totally with you Zucchini. The official advice in the US and Canada is zero screen time for under 2s, max 30mins a day for 2-3s and max 1 hour a day for 3-4 year olds. It's a very serious issue and like you I worry about the impact on children's development long term. I worry even more about parents who attempt to justify their child's screen use by talking about how marvellous it is for hand eye coordination and how 'smart' it makes children Hmm

ZucchiniPie · 31/08/2017 17:02

I'm not sure the French are all so virtuous. I was on a Greek island a few weeks ago and Greenpeace's Rainbow Warrior was moored in the port. You could go on board for a tour so we queued up. After 20 mins in the baking sun we were just getting our turn when a large French family all jumped the queue and went on - the kids and I did managed to get on as well but others were left on the quay and had to wait.

Anyway, having done this, one of the young French men (probably aged 19 or 20) proceeded to play a game on his phone, never looking up, instead of listening to the tour guide. After a minute of two of my blood pressure rising out of fury at this double display of rudeness I said: "you've just deprived someone else of a place on this tour by pushing and now you're not actually listening to it; you're on the phone instead!" He looked pissed off and tried to say he was listening, but he soon put the phone in his pocket.

Yes I know that is smug, self-righteous behaviour but it felt good Grin

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