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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hotel restaurant and iPads etc

439 replies

mckenzie · 31/08/2017 09:53

We are on holiday and staying in a hotel with breakfast included.
Settle nicely at a table this morning, in the shade, over lookimgbthe gardens, watching the birds on the ledge. A family then take the table next to us.

The older child (I'm guessing age 5) is given an iPad and starts playing a game with noice so we can hear ping and pong and clapping and other computer type noises.
The younger child (I'm guessing 18 months) has a phone propped up in front of her and is watching a video of some sort so we can hear high pitched animated voices and weird music.

AIBU to expect the family to think of others and provide said children with headphones?

OP posts:
5foot5 · 31/08/2017 13:55

SoupDragon
You have a fair point and I grant you we may have been lucky with DD.

However, too often you see people who take their children into restaurants and don't seem to want to entertain them at all. They talk to each other and ignore the DCs. In that situation I suppose technology is preferable to letting them run around and be a nuisance. But if you took another adult out for a meal would you ignore them and have conversations that didn't include them? Of course you wouldn't it would be rude. So why do people do that with their children?

DreamingofItaly · 31/08/2017 13:56

I've just got back from a family holiday with my parents, DP, sister and five year old niece. I was gobsmacked by the number of children who were bought to dinner, sat at the table with iPads/phones with/without headphones and allowed to use them throughout the meal. No noise, no disturbance to us, so fair enough if that's what you do, but I agree with others, how on earth will they learn to engage in conversation? Are they doing this at home too? I'm honestly concerned for future generations.

My niece sat happily most evenings with her colouring, doing her activity book, whatever her mum brought down for her, and talking to us. NEVER did she have a device at breakfast, we talked about our plans for the day, and she didn't have it poolside either, we played/swam as you should on holiday. It's not just mealtimes I saw children on devices. I really find it sad.

AvoidingCallenetics · 31/08/2017 13:59

Y'know, it isn't one or the other - talk to your kids for every second of the meal or ignore them totally. Most families manage a mixture of both.

5foot5 · 31/08/2017 14:02

Autofillcontact

"5foot5 3 or 4 isn't a very young age bloody hell. You're not a SMOG you just have an older child"

Well I do now because she is 21 Grin

But I meant we ate out regularly from that age. We were taking her in to restaurants younger than that on occasion.

We found Italian restaurants the easiest for that and she ate in those from about 2. No need for any external entertainment to stop her kicking off.

PurpleMinionMummy · 31/08/2017 14:03

I fear I'm becoming one those 'back in my day' people. We all managed without tech when going out for dinner. Even my own kids managed without and still do as I refuse to take tech to a family meal. I've always placed a lot of importance over eating together though.

NewbiedontknowwhatIamdoing · 31/08/2017 14:04

Ipad noises, mobile phone calls etc are all now part of the public modern world. If you want a utopian silence you really should go to a library somewhere private.

Some families like a noisy energetic breakfast and presumably paid for and where looking forward to their holiday. Enforced silence can be very unpleasant when you have a family.

Autofillcontact · 31/08/2017 14:08

Well, we both work full time and spend the rest of the week running the children round to their classes and activities which they love. Then there is the constant driving up and down the country to visit relatives and grandparents, the admin of life and then the unexpected stress like building work, deaths, illnesses etc.

We often eat out every meal at the weekend because we are so busy. Come August well meaning but somewhat rude family members are telling us how tired we look. And In the midst of all this, we crave our 2 little weeks holiday like no ones business.

Of course, the involves eating out 3 times a day, for 14 days, with toddlers/ preschoolers.
As much as I would adore to be a puritanical pearl clutcher and spend my holiday break running round the restaurant on hot, overtired, time zone confused days, stopping one running out into the road whilst DH stops the other colouring in the table cloth rather than her numbers wipe board, what we all REALLY enjoy is some peppa pig.

So daddy pig and I get to eat our meal quietly and whilst it's still hot and the children aren't bored and ratty.

What a pair of lazy fuckers eh.

Autofillcontact · 31/08/2017 14:10

Oh dear 5foot5, then your child isn't even in the iPad geneation. She's not relevant!

HarrietKettleWasHere · 31/08/2017 14:11

No one's saying NO IPADS EVER EVER NOT EVEN AFTER A FRAUGHT DAY WITH TODDLERS.

Headphones or volume off. It's not that hard.

Lottapianos · 31/08/2017 14:11

Oh Newbie, don't be ridiculous. No-one wants the whole world to be like a library but people need to realise that they are in public, in close proximity to other people, and should behave in a considerate way. That doesn't mean everyone walks around in monastic silence, but it does mean not creating more noise than is necessary. So adults and children chatting at their table - fine. Adults or children bellowing, shrieking, playing music or games out loud and generally being a nuisance - not fine. The whole world is not your living room, and you need to be teaching your children that too

I usually have the radio blaring while having breakfast and while putting my makeup on at the same time - would it be fine for me to blare BBC 6 music out of my phone and bring my make up bag and mirror to the breakfast table next time I stay in a hotel?

HarrietVane99 · 31/08/2017 14:12

the only really alternative is the child getting stroppy and screaming/running around

Really? What did people do before iPads and mobile phones?

PurpleMinionMummy · 31/08/2017 14:12

I think people whose children are older have just missed the I pad generation tbh.

My youngest was a baby when ipads came about. She can still eat out (and at home) without needing one to make her sit quietly at the dinner table.

Nuttynoo · 31/08/2017 14:14

@Autofillcontact - there are other WP on this thread too, many of whom have 4am - 12am days and don't use ipads as a pacifier (some can't afford them, some don't believe in them), and who still find time to cook in the weekend with multiple dc.

RainyDayBear · 31/08/2017 14:19

YANBU, drives me mad when kids are allowed to do that. I must admit that I've occasionally let DD (19mo) watch YouTube cartoons when we've gone out to eat when she's getting restless and we've exhausted our books and are still waiting for food - but with the sound off or on the lowest possible setting.

Spikeyball · 31/08/2017 14:20

My child isn't able to use an ipad etc. He does have children's toys (vtech type) that make a quiet noise so not noticeable to someone on the next table. We only take the quieter ones. He can't talk. He can't read. He can't colour. He can't play with toys like little cars. The toys he has enables him to cope with other people's voices, chairs being moved, coffee machines etc and enables us to do something 'normal' instead of spending our whole lives avoiding other people.
If a device is just being used to keep a child entertained ( and not the extremely aggressive meltdown we are trying to avoid) then Peppa could be on silent.

Autofillcontact · 31/08/2017 14:20

Really? How many people on this thread work 4am-12am?

I am quite sure what you mean by iPad as a pacifier- isn't that an American term for dummy? Dummies help babies sleep or substitute for a nipple or teat. Weird analogy

thereallochnessmonster · 31/08/2017 14:21

You can't really expect the toddler to wear headphones, the only really alternative is the child getting stroppy and screaming/running around.

Really?? Fuck that, Ttbb. How do you think parents managed before the advent of electronic babysitters? By actually parenting Hmm

Youcanstayundermyumbrella · 31/08/2017 14:25

We have four kids, all iPad generation, and it drives me insane to have kids sitting at tables next to me on audible devices. It's rude, distracting and inconsiderate. Ambient noise and conversation is fine to a normal level, but this is not. My lot have things on silent when using them if anyone else is around, and don't use them at mealtimes at all. I hate screens at the table.

We had some friends to stay and they let both their kids use their iPads with the volume on as we all sat in our living card room together. It was hideous and I had to leave the room.

minniebear · 31/08/2017 14:26

Just back from two weeks abroad, eating out every night in restaurants. Shockingly, our 2 year old and 3 year old coped without screens, or headphones, or whinging, or running about. And we didn't have to spend the whole meal engaging on their level, we chatted with them sometimes, or we chatted with each other and let them people watch and enjoy their food.

Not saying that to boast, just pointing out that it can be done.

We have a busy old life too, and looked forward to our little 2 weeks holiday as much as any other family. There are just alternative ways of doing things.

yumyumpizza · 31/08/2017 14:26

These threads are depressing...I have 3 small DC and have somehow survived (quite happily) without ever giving them a screen at mealtimes, or out of the house. I feel quite sad when I see parents doing this - it's lazy and pretty crap parenting imo (special needs aside of course, I know headphones are great when DC find noise and busy places overwhelming etc).

I'd have said something to the waiter, and if that didn't work I'd ask the parents nicely if they could turn the sound off.

BlueberryPuffin · 31/08/2017 14:32

It's probably a bit annoying but I wouldn't let such a small thing spoil my day and certainly wouldn't let it bug me enough that I'd be on mumsnet starting a thread about it.

Slimthistime · 31/08/2017 14:33

Autofill, your tone and attitude....

Sirzy · 31/08/2017 14:36

Please don't judge families who use technology (considerately) - you don't know why they are using it.

A few weeks ago ds could be found under the table at breakfast in a hotel "plugged in" to his iPad - he is autistic with a lot of sensory problems a lot of which revolve around food so that was how he coped while everyone else ate (he doesn't do food!)

Nuttynoo · 31/08/2017 14:36

That's the point autofill. You are using an ipad to pacify the baby as a pacifier. Can't handle their behaviour? Here's something to calm them down. It's not right.

MrsKoala · 31/08/2017 14:40

These threads always make me laugh at the amount of suggestions of a colouring book. My children have never given a shiny shit about colouring or conversing or doing any kind of 'quiet' activity.

Sadly it's running around, devices, or not going out for us. The 'it's called parenting thankyewverymuch' brigade can fuck themselves because they have no idea about my life and my childrens needs and behaviour. And sometimes, yes sometimes, we need to eat food in a restaurant too.

Last time we went to a hotel at breakfast the lady on the table next to us took her hearing aid out so she couldn't hear DS1 counting the chairs. Grin