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AIBU?

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Original poster

Hotel restaurant and iPads etc

439 replies

mckenzie · 31/08/2017 09:53

We are on holiday and staying in a hotel with breakfast included.
Settle nicely at a table this morning, in the shade, over lookimgbthe gardens, watching the birds on the ledge. A family then take the table next to us.

The older child (I'm guessing age 5) is given an iPad and starts playing a game with noice so we can hear ping and pong and clapping and other computer type noises.
The younger child (I'm guessing 18 months) has a phone propped up in front of her and is watching a video of some sort so we can hear high pitched animated voices and weird music.

AIBU to expect the family to think of others and provide said children with headphones?

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 31/08/2017 13:14

'Parents are just trying to relax themselves.'

Won't someone think of the parents????!!! Grin

Big boo hoo. You don't get to inflict your children's tech noise on everyone else just because you can't be bothered to interact with your kids. So glad to see there are still some sane and considerate people around

OP, please do have a polite word next time you're in this situation. We all need to stop tip-toeing around people who treat the whole world as if its their own front room

5foot5 · 31/08/2017 13:16

"How do you think those of us who had children before this kind of tech appeared actually managed in restaurants?"

I remember it well. By hardly ever eating out

Speak for yourself!

We ate out regularly with DD from a vet early age and she never misbehaved in restaurants. How come? We talked to her. We didn't just plonk her down, hold a conversation over her head and expect her to sit quietly amusing herself while we ignored her. We made sure she enjoyed the meal and felt included.

fluffiphlox · 31/08/2017 13:17

"Could you turn the sound off on the iPad please?"
If that has no effect ask the maître d' to intervene.

Autofillcontact · 31/08/2017 13:22

5foot5 this is fascinating! Give us a parenting lesson. You had conversations with her from a very young age? Like 18 months? They must've been very productive. What did she talk to you about? What did you do when she just said "down" 350 times? Engage her views on Palestine?

And eating out very often? What, 6-9 times a week? That's amazing. I seem to remember the harvester or berni inn for birthdays in the 80s.

You had To go there because Children weren't welcome in most places because, believe it or not, these perfectly behaved-colouring-in-constantly toddlers disturbed the adults who didn't want them anywhere near at mealtimes.

Yokohamajojo · 31/08/2017 13:23

My DCs have tech and probably use it more than they should but never ever at the table while eating!

I could probably bring an IPad to use after we've eaten in a holiday setting if us the parents would like to sit longer and the kids get bored, but usually on a holiday there are other things to do. And the volume on thing is seriously annoying and I see/hear it all the time. Surely it's not difficult to get to the point where the child understands that no headphones no IPad

brasty · 31/08/2017 13:27

In the past most kids ate at a table for meals. Both my parents and my DPs parents were far stricter about table manners than is normal these days. Same in primary school. From 4.5 I had to sit at a table at school, say Grace and behave. I am not arguing for this level of strictness, but it was routine then. So yes kids who never went to restaurants could sit around a table at a meal and behave to very strict standards.

Kentnurse2015 · 31/08/2017 13:28

I'm amazed the children were given them automatically and at breakfast!! I would have got the staff to say something I'm afraid

(And yes I do have 2 small children but am capable of entertaining them at the table without iPads!)

shoeaddict83 · 31/08/2017 13:29

This is one of my pet hates! |Its so bloody inconsiderate. its the same as adults doing it on their phones too so i cant say its limited to children.
My stepson is 7 and he knows if he has an ipad on in a room/car with other people its either headphones or volume off. I refuse to let him inflict his ipad games noises/films on others trying to eat or have a conversation. he knows if it gets turned up the ipads is taken off him and thats that.
Its ridiculous to say earphones will 'hurt' their ears! He uses childs ones which are padded and the volume can be controlled so whats the issue? I dont think YABU at all, this would drive me mad too.
Kids can be distracted with books, colouring books, quieter toys etc if they cant use an ipad without noise, its not hard.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 31/08/2017 13:30

Makes them smarter Grin

Ok. It's really smart to grow up with no basic consideration towards others, poor concept of table manners, difficulty in social interaction, limited conversational skills and an entitled attitude. That's just what we need from the next generation...

ArcheryAnnie · 31/08/2017 13:33

YANBU. It's so inconsiderate of them.

Fintress · 31/08/2017 13:33

Who said there was evidence? What is the evidence your daughter is smart because she has a bsc hons? -likethousandsofpeople-

We all do things on holiday that are different from the norm. Doesn't mean they can't sit having dinner in the kitchen diner in surbiton without their iPads does it?

Well you stated the fact, so you tell me. There is no evidence, oh right!

As for my daughter, read it in context, I wasn't bragging. If they can sit at the dinner table in surbiton without an iPad, they can do it on holiday and let other diners eat in peace.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 31/08/2017 13:37

'Relaxing' the rules on holiday refers to things like letting the kids stay up late, play games instead of studying, eat sickly ice creams, or spend their pocket money on tat.

Not shoving an iPad at them and inflicting tinny bleepy noises on other diners at breakfast just because you're a selfish twat.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 31/08/2017 13:43

You can't really expect the toddler to wear headphones, the only really alternative is the child getting stroppy and screaming/running around

It's the only alternative if that's what the parents have taught the child.

They could have chosen to teach the child that ipads and suchlike are only watched with the sound down low or off.

TheKidsAreTakingMySanity · 31/08/2017 13:45

We're a gadget/screen addicted family. Even the 10yo has an iPhone but we've never, ever allowed gadgets during meal times at all. We don't take toys or colouring books to restaurants either. I don't think we had a single screaming or running around episode yet. And that's DCs aged 10, 7 and 5 who eat out fairly regularly, from a simple MacDonalds to a fancy pants dinner where hubby is in a suit and DS5 in his kilt.
I can't stand listening to Peppa Pig at the best of times but over a quiet family breakfast? No. I'd have to say something. If parents struggle to parent and need gadgets then fine, but please don't make other have to put up with the racket from them.

5foot5 · 31/08/2017 13:47

5foot5 this is fascinating! Give us a parenting lesson. You had conversations with her from a very young age? Like 18 months? They must've been very productive. What did she talk to you about? What did you do when she just said "down" 350 times? Engage her views on Palestine?

And eating out very often? What, 6-9 times a week? That's amazing.

Oh somebody's feeling sarky!

From a very young age I mean 3 or 4. At the younger end we were not eating in restaurants that required a lengthy stay and found it very easy to talk with her for the length of time it takes to eat a pizza or a spag. bol. She didn't say "down" once let alone 350 times because she was enjoying herself. And what do you define as a "productive" conversation? If discussing at length whether the cars parked outside have smiley faces or "watching out" faces kept her happy and occupied throughout the meal that seems pretty productive to me.

Eating out often? At least once a week. Usually a Saturday lunchtime.

Call me a SMOG if you like but by the time she was five we could take her to eat anywhere. (And I don't think we used a colouring book either)

SoupDragon · 31/08/2017 13:50

We ate out regularly with DD from a vet early age and she never misbehaved in restaurants. How come?

Because she is that kind of child.

I had one like that (my PFB who made me believe I was a fantastic parent!), one that couldn't sit still if you paid him to (the second born who proved I wasn't a fantastic parent) and one in between.

No matter how they needed to be occupied though, they weren't allowed to be noisy and disturb other people and would have worn headphones had Tech been the distraction I was using.

drspouse · 31/08/2017 13:51

My kids have ipads, we're not funny about them using them but they are banned in a restaurant situation even with earphones.

Same here. My DS gets train sick so cannot watch on the train, if he gets fidgety we walk around a bit. Both my DCs are generally fine in restaurant situations as long as there isn't too much waiting - and if there is, again, we go for a walk.

My DCs would never sit still and colour for 3 hours because they are both rubbish at colouring (one is aged 3 and the other has fine motor difficulties) but we find other things for them to do - be that reading them a story quietly, playing I Spy for hours on end again hopefully fairly quietly,

We went out for lunch with my DF a few months ago and I took a book to read while we were waiting. I mustn't have been reading as quietly as I normally do because the next table said "oh I want to hear the end!" when our food arrived. Thankfully it was a casual cafe, not fine dining, and they/we saw the funny side.

When DS was too young to tolerate headphones he watched with the sound off e.g. on planes (he is OK travel sickness wise when it is in the air but we don't watch on take-off or landing). Didn't seem to bother him.

We had a 1/2 hour wait for a lunch table recently and he played a game with the sound on low - it was a noisy restaurant and nobody was concerned but we don't allow them at the table and our fairly-addicted-otherwise DCs don't ask.

hellokittymania · 31/08/2017 13:51

I wouldn't have minded, but that's me and I'm used to Asia which is always very loud and vibrant.

drspouse · 31/08/2017 13:52

SoupDragon both of mine are like your DC2 but like you, there are some boundaries for restaurants that we have always kept to.

Autofillcontact · 31/08/2017 13:53

5foot5 3 or 4 isn't a very young age Shock bloody hell. You're not a SMOG you just have an older child

YetAnotherSpartacus · 31/08/2017 13:53

YANBU - some people are just bloody selfish and entitled.

AvoidingCallenetics · 31/08/2017 13:53

My first child was born before tech was the norm. When he was little we still had dial up internet Grin
Anyway, I remember many a meal where my food got cold or me/dh wouldn't hrt to eat at all because we were outside the restaurant with an unsettled child. We brought books/colouring but they weren't always successful.
I remember people saying ' why do you bring colouring books, your child won't learm how to behave in public places' Plus ca change...
Last child was born when tech was everywhere. God, it is bliss to sit in a restaurant and actually get to eat.

If the noise was really loud then yanbu, but if it was no louder than normal convetsation would be then yes yabu. In a public space you must expect to hear the public. That family parents differently to you but it doesn't mean they are necessarily wrong.

Fwiw, all my kids conduct themselves perfectly well in restaurants, so my anecdata concludes that screens make no difference to outcome Wink

ArcheryAnnie · 31/08/2017 13:53

You can't really expect the toddler to wear headphones, the only really alternative is the child getting stroppy and screaming/running around

Hmm, the other alternative to having a child screaming and running around a place where he/she really isn't happy is taking them out of that situation to somewhere which suits them better, either the hotel room or a playground, or something.

Will it inconvenience you? Undoubtably. But a long meal in a place that doesn't suit your kids, and where they are clearly unhappy, is fair neither on your kids nor on other diners.

TeachesOfPeaches · 31/08/2017 13:54

A game doesn't need to have the sound on and an 18m old will also just watch on silent. YANBU

ArcheryAnnie · 31/08/2017 13:55

(I am, of course, assuming in the above situation that the parents have already dismissed the other option, which is interacting with their own damn kids.)