To be Upset my family forgot my birthday...again.

[SerenityMom]

Today is my birthday and I turned 54. My kids and husband forgot my birthday. This is not the first time. Every year I tell myself to not get upset and play the poor me's but here I go again. They finally remembered and tried to pull together a cake but I stopped them and said not to bother. I actually feel worse pretending it is is a great birthday. Why do I feel like this. I wish I could handle it better, and perhaps drop some hints ( I have done that in the past) that the date is coming. This year I did not have the energy to plan my own party and drop hints them pretend to be surprised. My husband makes me feel like a big nuisance and actually gets mad at me for making him feel bad he forgot. God I sound so awful. Happy !!@@### Birthday!

Happy Birthday OP,

I think it's time to forget to cook,clean and washing apart from yours for a while, take the extra time to think about where you want to be this time next year. What changes do you and your family need to make to ge t there.

Happy Birthday!
I really recommend telling them at least a week in advance next year, I just tell my husband now, he would definitely forget otherwise.

Happy birthday I hope you had a lovely day am sat eating chocolate now and hope your doing the same x

Happy birthday 🎂 🎂 make this the last one that you are upset. Make plans for next year a day doing what you like totally

Happy birthday serenitymom and happyland! 🎉🍰

I've had to have words with my husband recently, I went to a lot of effort for his 30th birthday and he didn't do anywhere near as much for mine. I wrote it off at the time as we had young dc and not much money but have found myself feeling a bit resentful of it as we are approaching 40th.

His is first, and I have said that maybe we will throw a party or perhaps I'll just get him a cd and a pic of the kids as that's what I got for 30th.

I think he got the hint but it's a theme that will be revisited often over the next year!

I have spent all day reading these posts. I thought I was an oversensitive cow but realize I hit a nerve and my feelings of hurt are ok.

DH and I as you can guess have issues that this day just confirmed. I expect next year my 55th will be very different. Not just because of this birthday thing but a long history I won't go into but you can guess this day kind of sums it up. But I have made a promise to myself that I will not settle for less or expect less for myself ever again.

The DC's are teens and did feel very bad unlike DH reaction. I did tell them why I was hurt and that it wasn't about gifts but about respect and showing they care. The kids arranged a meal out later that night for me which was a nice surprise. I did go out and treat myself a bit as well. my 17 year old DS hugged me before he went to bed that night which made up for the forgetting because it was so sincere.

My DH came to the meal and raved about how great a night it was even though he had nothing to do with arranging it. I just let it go as no point. But knowing my kids don't view me as a nuisance and sincerely cared that I was upset made it all better. But I am going to do things different next year

You say again I'm sorry but if they've forgotten before and last week you still didn't say "is everyone free next Thursday, I wondered if we could have a nice meal for my birthday" I wonder if you enjoy the whole poor me sympathy and self pity side of it. Some people are crap at remembering things, doesn't make them evil, just say the week before next year can we arrange x y z for next Thursday for my birthday, then everyone knows.

I am so happy to read this. Sometimes it takes something like this to help us see clearly. I'm proud that you let the kids know they hurt you. It was something they needed to hear. Hopefully, this will be a huge life lesson for them. You deserve a lot more than you've been getting.

*I'm proud of YOU, I should clarify!

Glad you are seeing clearly @SerenityMom . I'm with Aquamarine.

Happy Bday OP! I hope that next year you take yourself somewhere glamorous - that you've always dreamed about - and forget to tell your family that you're going. Take your phone off the hook and wallow in "me time" and enjoy the day.
I would announce tomorrow that you are "forgetting" all important details in their lives - like laundry, shopping, cooking, birthdays, school, etc.... Go on strike and see if they notice that you're missing.

Happy birthday for the 30th op.

I'm with what Aquamarine says.

Best of luck

It sounds to me that you are being seriously taken for granted, I would have been extremely pissed off.
I think it's time mum fought back, first off stop being taken for granted. Don't do the things you normally do for your family, stop cooking, washing, ironing whatever it is that you do and tell them straight out you're on strike until they start taking you seriously.
Sometimes people need to be taught how shitty they are being and it's mums job to teach them. It is unacceptable to forget your birthday

Mumsnet often seems to frown upon those who get upset at people missing birthdays. But really, for most of us it's not about being greedy for presents, it's about the birthday being a day where you get some sign of appreciation, a sign of not being taken for granted.

And in the vast majority of cases, there's no excuse to forget someone's birthday. Stick reminders on a calendar, in your phone, etc. Why should the birthday person have to be responsible for reminding others?

If you are capable of holding down a job, and the organisation that entails, you are capable of ensuring you remember a birthday. Most of the time the "I forgot" brigade just don't care.

Maybe do a "Den & Ang" and give him divorce papers in his birthday card next year.

I just read about families forgetting birthday. I just turn 53 and have 4 sons ages 14-22 & a husband of 24 yrs. They all forgot my birthday! I was (am) devastated and so hurt and disappointed...they have been my life. I always get out of work early to attend all their function, host pasta parties and am very actively involved. My husband said he didnt forget and did say happy birthday in the am...but no card, no cake, no balloon and no mention of it after the morning happy birthday. My boys...nothing. No special dinner.
My husband is usually very thoughtful. He has never done this before.
I just feel...devastated and inconsequential
I just dont know where to go with these feelings. I need some advice on how to deal with those who have gone thru this
I dont need or want presents but a card, a cake , a cup of tea...doesn't seem much to ask. Just something to show I am appreciated and loved.
It does make me feel better knowing I am not alone but how do I deal with these feelings of such extreme hurt and disappointment and sadness?

I think you should cancel Christmas for your husband this year, waiting to forget his birthday next year is too long. Forgetting or minimising Christmas for the family is a good way to teach your family appreciation. Women do the majority of the Christmas preparations and maybe it's time to rethink how it's done in your family this year.

I start mentioning my birthday about a month before, so no-one has any chance of forgetting it.

I've just realised this thread has been resurrected two days before your birthday this year, I hope things are different and better this year for you. I shall drink a G&T to you on Thursday

Have you started dropping reminder hints yet OP? or left the thoughtless bastard yet?

Hope things are better for your birthday this year op.

It’s my birthday today!

Happy forthcoming birthday fellow Virgo MNetter...

What I do, if not on my actual birthday then the next day (relatives like to come on my birthday), is take the DC out to lunch in the Sainsbury's café (August birthday here too) and buy myself an autumn outfit. DH usually gets me a card and chocolates, relatives organise something from the DC, although DD's perfectly capable of doing it herself at nearly 11.

Happy birthday Itchytights!

Happy birthday Itchy!🎁🎂🎈🎉🎊

I’d book myself a stay-away workshop across your next birthday. 2-3 days, with or without a friend. Pick a hobby, a wellbeing course, etc. Something with a good mix of relaxing and learning. Pack your bag, say nothing, organise nothing for the home.

Let them figure it out.