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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be Upset my family forgot my birthday...again.

111 replies

SerenityMom · 30/08/2017 19:09

Today is my birthday and I turned 54. My kids and husband forgot my birthday. This is not the first time. Every year I tell myself to not get upset and play the poor me's but here I go again. They finally remembered and tried to pull together a cake but I stopped them and said not to bother. I actually feel worse pretending it is is a great birthday. Why do I feel like this. I wish I could handle it better, and perhaps drop some hints ( I have done that in the past) that the date is coming. This year I did not have the energy to plan my own party and drop hints them pretend to be surprised. My husband makes me feel like a big nuisance and actually gets mad at me for making him feel bad he forgot. God I sound so awful. Happy !!@@### Birthday!

OP posts:
Booagain · 30/08/2017 20:21

That's terrible that they forgot!!

If you haven't made a big deal of it, there's a worry that they won't think much of it. I was guilty of regualrly sending birthday cards late in my 20s - my mum eventually told me it really upset her and since then I have ALWAYS sent them early. It's never bothered me when people sent cards late to me and therefore wasn't considerate to how others felt (different matter if they forgot entirely)

I would be honest with your family and say it's hurtful.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 30/08/2017 20:23

That's awful.

Happy birthday OP, I hope you managed to cheer yourself up and treated yourself to some nice food, wine and presents.

loveacupa · 30/08/2017 20:25

I always plan a day for me ! Get my hair done shopping spree Smile As I get forgotten and feel disappointed ! Tend to get txt messages rather than cards from friends which is nice but not the same !

🎉 HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎉 hope you had a great day X

Bonosglasses · 30/08/2017 20:25

Happy Birthday 💐

My parents forgot my 30th birthday! It's not nice being forgotten by family.

Nanodust · 30/08/2017 20:26

They are being shits. If they can't give you one day a year to be celebrated make it a house rule that no birthdays are celebrated.

Now go out and buy yourself something lovely and get a facial and massage, let them make their own dinner xx

HappylandToysEverywhere · 30/08/2017 20:27

Today is my 33rd Birthday and all my friends forgot my birthday too! As well as my brother. I'm gutted! X

HappylandToysEverywhere · 30/08/2017 20:29

No partner/husband. Daughter only 2 so I had to just muddle on.... x

MickeyLuv · 30/08/2017 20:30

My DP would never forget my birthday, mainly because I mention it lots in the run up! Do you not mention it at all? I tell him drop hints as to what I would like and also suggest things we can do or places we could go for a meal. For example, my birthday is on a couple of weeks, both off work and a day trip to the nearest big city has been planned and booked. I'm pretty certain that he probably would forget if I didn't!

ittakes2 · 30/08/2017 20:31

Poor you! That's awful. Forget their's and next year book yourself onto an expensive spa day or something which takes your fancy on your b'day. And by yourself something pricey you have always wanted!

JaneEyre70 · 30/08/2017 20:31

Happy Birthday for today OP. Flowers
It was my birthday on Monday . I had the shittiest day, basically it was a family exercise in who could do the least amount possible with the least amount of grace. Next year, I'm putting my foot down and not having any birthday of any kind, and I'm packing a great picnic for me and the dog and driving off alone for the day. It's truly miserable when you make an effort for others on their birthdays but I've now decided to take ownership of the day so others can't ruin it ever again.

bellaboo101 · 30/08/2017 20:32

That's awful OP Shock

If I were you I would treat myself to something really special!

Happy birthday! FlowersWine

kittybiscuits · 30/08/2017 20:40

Happy Birthday @SerenityMom FlowersCake. I think you're wise to think about where you want to be in your life by the time of your 55th birthday. In the meantime, book something lovely for yourself when it's your H's birthday and and don't even be there to mention it. I hope you will treat yourself and be kind to yourself.

chocolateworshipper · 30/08/2017 20:40

Happy birthday OP Flowers Cake

Ivegotnothing · 30/08/2017 20:44

Happy birthday @SerenityMom and @HappyLandToysEverywhere - buy yourselves some lovely treats if you can. For many years with a (now X) DH I just bought my own....now I have a much better model of DH that never forgets ... it might be worth upgrading!

kittymamma · 30/08/2017 20:46

Happy Birthday!

My husband used to forget my birthday. One year I told him straight how upset I felt because of it. I told him I understand that birthdays weren't important to him but it was to me. I told him that if he forgot again I would not spend another birthday with him. The next year I travelled to see my family on my birthday and told him he wasn't ruining another birthday. This year, he organised a card from the kids (age 6 and 2), a box of chocolates and a meal out for the family. If he had forgotten again this year, I'd already found the spa for next year that I would be going to with my sister.

However, this year my brother forgot my Birthday. I only expected a text, it's all I ever get but it's all I want. He didn't text me and hasn't since. It upset me.

Mittens1969 · 30/08/2017 20:47

That's awful, OP, and your DH is a twat who takes you for granted. How dare he treat you like a nuisance! He probably wouldn't like it if you forgot his birthday, would he??

Hope your day gets better, pour yourself a large glass of vino. Smile

Oddsocksforeveryone · 30/08/2017 20:54

Ah bless you, happy birthday!
I would set myself a calendar reminder or two close to DH's birthday so that I remembered how upset I was.
I would then get myself some things from Lakeland (because I am a weird one and would prefer kitchen tat essentials to a spa day) and order myself a ridiculous amount of Chinese food.
I hope you're okay, it's awful not to feel valued xx

Butterymuffin · 30/08/2017 20:56

Happy birthday! Cake Wine As everyone else says: book a treat for yourself. Ignore husband's next birthday. And next year tell them all a week in advance that you expect your birthday to be acknowledged or you will be cross.

MsJudgemental · 30/08/2017 20:57

Flowers Cake Wine

Primrose06 · 30/08/2017 21:01

Oh heck I wanted to cry when I read that.
A very very happy birthday. You are just a few years younger than me.
Cake Flowers
Be kind to yourself and treat yourself to something nice you deserve it.
Ignore their birthdays.

user1andonly · 30/08/2017 21:03

Forget your DH's birthday for sure. If this makes you feel too guilty (which it shouldn't) then at the very least pretend to forget and then do something very low key - see how he likes it.

Not really the DC fault - you don't say how old they are but I wouldn't expect them to remember without prompting from a parent until they are adults themselves and even then...!

My DH is much better at remembering birthdays than me (this thread has reminded me that my Granny's birthday is coming up!) so it doesn't have to be a man thing.

Ironmanrocks · 30/08/2017 21:03

Mine has forgotten my birthday twice now and last year my sister and brother didn't bother either. Made me feel rubbish - and I'm sorry, its not like its a surprise - we have been together 15 years!! In the light of iPhones you can also set yourself a reminder on the calender to alert you 3 times the week before or something. Theres no excuse really. Sad

Ironmanrocks · 30/08/2017 21:04

ps happy birthday!!! CakeFlowers

ferntwist · 30/08/2017 21:15

Happy birthday to you OP Flowers
Definitely forget your husband's birthday next year. Hope you're having a lovely bubble bath and glass of wine to yourself Smile

Dragonbait · 30/08/2017 21:56

I get where you're coming from. For my 40th birthday my husband got me a balloon with 40 on. Nothing else. While it was better than nothing I was really upset. Didn't help that people were asking again and again what he got me and I had to answer a balloon! I'll be honest - I didn't speak to him for 3 weeks afterwards! I told him just how much effort I put in to the entire families birthdays (his family too) and he couldn't be bothered thinking of me. Since then he has been fantastic - following year I got an eternity ring! Don't be afraid to let them all know just how upset you are - and if DH still doesn't get his act together then kick him to the kerb! Happy Birthday xx

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