To be Upset my family forgot my birthday...again.

[SerenityMom]

Today is my birthday and I turned 54. My kids and husband forgot my birthday. This is not the first time. Every year I tell myself to not get upset and play the poor me's but here I go again. They finally remembered and tried to pull together a cake but I stopped them and said not to bother. I actually feel worse pretending it is is a great birthday. Why do I feel like this. I wish I could handle it better, and perhaps drop some hints ( I have done that in the past) that the date is coming. This year I did not have the energy to plan my own party and drop hints them pretend to be surprised. My husband makes me feel like a big nuisance and actually gets mad at me for making him feel bad he forgot. God I sound so awful. Happy !!@@### Birthday!

If you're still around next year, take yourself away on a nice trip away and let them alone.

Happy birthday my lovely

Is your H normally thoughtful or does he have form for being a stroppy twat?

Happy Birthday SerenityMom. Sorry your family were crap (again) about your birthday. If you can afford to treat yourself to something tomorrow to make up for it then I suggest you do so. You deserve to be appreciated and made to feel special, and it sucks when those closest to you let you down in that regard. Don't feel bad about being visibly upset. They should feel guilty about forgetting you, and if they don't then a taste of their own medicine might be what's needed.

Happy Birthday Serenity. Leave whatever your share of chores usually is and tell them they can do it all to make up for forgetting.

How old are your children? I'd be insisting they all put reminders on their phones but really you shouldn't have to do that. Hope you have a marvellous birthday regardless you deserve it

Next year, remind your DCs the week before, repeat daily. Arrange to do something to celebrate as a family (without DH if necessary). If you can, book yourself a special day or day out with a friend or relative. Down tools for the entire day, no housework, shopping, cooking, meals provided. Forget DHs birthday and don't remind the DCs about it.

Happy Birthday, I was 54 last month. I'm lucky with my family though.
Never mind you have the bowel screening envelope to look forward to.
Sorry you've had such a bad day. It's not right.

Get a calender (if not already done so) with your birthday firmly marked.
Now, can you go out with a friend or round to your mum's-without them?

Happy birthday

Would you like a song? I do quite a good Chumbawumba

YANBU, I would be upset if my family forgot my birthday too. How old are your kids? It's inexcusable if they are adults and as for your husband, what the fuck's wrong with him?

I would certainly be inclined to 'forget' their birthdays next time and see how they feel about it. I would also let them know how upset and disappointed I was in them.

I'm not a particularly needy type by any means but there are some things that are just basic kindness/courtesy and acknowledging the birthdays of your immediate family isn't exactly a high bar to set.

🍕 🍹 🍸🍸🍸🍰🍫🎂

I think what's even worse than your DH forgetting is him having a go at you for making him feel bad! That could be classed as emotional abuse 😞You are most certainly not a nuisance.

Happy birthday! ⭐️🎂🎉🎁

I'm sorry they forgot. It would make me feel awful too. I don't make a fuss about my birthday coming up, so quite often friends forget, but family shouldn't need reminders anyway.

Happy birthday

I just got a card and no presents this year. My kids are all at primary school, and their dad couldn't be bothered to get them something for me. Or from himself. I just don't feel valued. It's not hard is it, knowing its your wife's birthday, just flowers would be nice, or a cake, socks, just something :(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Treat yourself - make sure you conveniently forget your DH's B'day - it's only fair!

DH usually remembers about my birthday at about half 8 the night before (he thinks he's really smart sneaking out to 'fill the petrol up' but I see every year that he's rushed to the Trafford centre during late night shopping!) The kids pretty much always remember (except the year they were halfway up a mountain with DofE and couldn't get a good signal to call me.)

Happy Birthday, OP. You do deserve a birthday if you want one.

If this is typically how your husband treats you with such little regard, if I were you, my next birthday would be spent as a single woman. For fuck's sake, strangers on mumsnet offer you more support than he does.

I do quite a good Chumbawumba

My Total Eclipse of the Heart is - er- memorable and will definitely take your mind off your birthday

OP, you have my sympathy. My family forgot one of my birthdays too and l've sat here counting on my fingers(!) and I'm pretty sure it was my 54th too. To make things more difficult l was away traveling alone. But dh is fairly hopeless at presents and celebrations generally, so l didn't have huge expectations. On the day l was having breakfast when close female friend sent greetings by text, then my brother texted me mid-AM, so that balanced things a bit. I lasted 2 whole days before l texted 3 sons to ask if they'd all forgotten. DH is a dinosaur and has no mobile so no easy/cheap way to contact him except via DS. They all felt bad so that wa great. One son had uni exams on either side of my birthday and the 2 still at home have SNs and depend on dh for memory things. I don't know what else to say. It is shit but I think it maybe is worse for you than for me.

I wonder how many other aspects of life which are important to you are being overlooked by your family? You told them not to bother, so they took you at your word, rather than rally around.

I realise you're terribly hurt, but in your post you sound as though your husband is taking his embarrassment out on you. This kind of victim-blaming is really counter-productive and I think is little more than bullying.

Perhaps you might benefit from some professional support? You don't need to let the family know in case they try - or end up - sabotaging it by saying, "Oh, we didn't mean to hurt your feelings".

Happy birthday!

And of course Happy Birthday to you.

That's so naff! My family were never big on birthdays growing up and it gave me a really negative association with them. Is your husband like that? DH's positive experiences and now having children to celebrate has helped me improve my attitude and I love making a big deal out of the children's birthdays especially. Tell them the truth. Tell them how offended you are they don't show you you matter, then go and find something fun to do and celebrate yourself! Chocolate and wine is a good place to start, and buy yourself some flowers!

Sorry they forgot, it is horrible. My worst birthday was one where my husband said he was taking me out for a meal. When we stopped outside his favourite fish and chip shop I wasn't impressed. It is the grottiest place in our town. He couldn't understand why I wasn't pleased..

Happy birthday!
So sorry it wasn't great.
I'm not precious about my birthday at all (at least I pretend not to be) but if (my pretty disorganized) DH totally forgot I would almost feel as if it was an act of passive aggression. This year he got a nice bottle of wine and he helped the kids make cards for me on the quiet. The thought counted more than anything.
You don't sound awful at all! Your husband on the other hand ...
If I was him I'd be getting the biggest bunch of flowers + champagne + chocolate and go down on you for at least 20 minutes. Grovelling.

Of course yanbu! It's not about cards or parents either but a nice reminder they care and you are important...because this makes you feel the opposite , that's rubbish!