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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put my four elderly cats to sleep even though they are not dying?

427 replies

Turningtiger · 30/08/2017 16:11

DH lost his job and we've had to move to a cheaper area of the city we live in. The house we have found to accommodate our family and within our price range does not allow pets. We will also probably have to move abroad next year because most of the jobs that DH can get are in Europe.

We have gone through periods of boarding our cats while we have been looking for somewhere new to live and all the turmoil it has brought about. It has been expensive boarding as each cat has a different health condition which needs a lot of attention, giving meds, vet visits etc, so we've had to pay extra for the very kind lady at the boarding to do that too.

I have volunteered for animal rescues in our area for 20 years, and I know what pressure they are under. I know that most people abandon their animals without a second look, and if they do make a donation to the shelter before they disappear, it's usually just enough to cover the initial vaccinations and perhaps a spay. I've also had these cats so long that I don't feel I could trust someone else to look after them in a way that they wouldn't suffer. I know that doesn't sound rational, but I've just had them for so long, I know them so well.

There is also an element for me of feeling terribly embarrassed, after all these years of volunteering and donating, to present the same story as everyone else who we have rolled our eyes at over the years. In the "rescue" world I volunteer in, there is no excuse to abandon your animals.

I am temped now to put them down, so that I can know that they had a fantastic life and that they did not suffer. It will save me a lot of anxiety (yes I'm aware I am thinking about me). I know also that this doesn't sound rational either. But to me it feels like the right thing.

What do you think? The cats are all 16 from the same litter.

OP posts:
Squarerouteofsquirrel · 30/08/2017 18:29

From a logical perspective it's the best outcome for them - they're unlikely to be rehomed, they've had a good life, they/ we will all die eventually.
But I know I just couldn't bring myself to make that journey to the vets, so good luck with that, if that's what you decide to do.

UnicornSparkles1 · 30/08/2017 18:30

Steely

Sorry but it is weird to assume that everyone here eats meat. I don't.

SteelyTesticlesOfObjectivity · 30/08/2017 18:31

And I definitely hope none of the people comparing it to her husband or children eat meat.

SteelyTesticlesOfObjectivity · 30/08/2017 18:32

Who assumed that? I'm betting most aren't vegetarian though.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 30/08/2017 18:32

Turningtiger, don't advertise your cats, or put them in the cattery.
I hear you, and I feel for you, if your cats are genuinely failing, then let them go. However, if any of them are suitable for rehoming, you owe them that chance, you really do. Just because they came into the world together, doesn't mean they should leave together.
I worked in animal rescue too, for a number of years.
Just do, what you know to be fair, and right.
Remember though, no home, is better than a bad one.
People may judge, because this is an emotive issue, but you know your own cats. I hope you find a solution.

SteelyTesticlesOfObjectivity · 30/08/2017 18:33

I'm a vegetarian, I'd rather an animal be pts than be treated cruelly which is what some of the supposed animal lovers are suggesting.

Seeingadistance · 30/08/2017 18:34

I'm shocked at how many cruel and callous posts there on here to an OP who has loved and cared for these cats for 16 years, and is now having to make an incredibly difficult and distressing choice about their future.

For what it's worth - I think the option of putting them to sleep is probably the best one. I would try to get permission first from the landlord, but if that isn't forthcoming, then yes, put them to sleep.

This is clearly not a decision the OP is taking lightly or on a whim, and I really feel for her.

GahBuggerit · 30/08/2017 18:36

Feeling quite sorry for the posters who can't see the difference between taking an animal on as a pet, making an unspoken agreement with it to care for it and protect it. Cherishing it, cuddling it, stroking it, giving it a name, making it a part of the family.......to a bacon butty.

Foreverlexicon · 30/08/2017 18:38

I havnt read the full thread but OP I totally understand where you're coming from and in your situation I'd likely do the same.

Perhaps I'm more pragmatic than most - I have horses and in the horse world it is not unusual for an elderly animal to be put to sleep rather than re home. I have a 19 year old horse with various health niggles. He's comfortable, he's happy and still in work. Howevef if for whatever reason I could not keep him, he would be put to sleep.

A few years ago I had 2 ponies out to sleep. One had deteriorating health issues and would of struggled with another winter. I wanted her to go when she was comfortable, far and happy.

The other one had various behavioural issues. She wasn't old but she was not safe to be ridden. I was early 20s and my mum died quite suddenly. She was very financially supportive of the horses and cared for those two as well. (I had another 2 which were my responsiblity.) I could not cope with 3.

Rather than giving her away as a companion - which is dodgey to say the least - I put her to sleep.

Animals don't think about death like we do. It was the only way I could guarantee her future. It was the only way I could make sure she wouldn't be passed from home to home. It was the only way I could be sure no one would try to ride her. The morning of the event I felt like a murderer. She was beautiful, happy and healthy. Once that needle went into her neck I felt nothing more than relieve. I don't regret it at all and I completely feel I did the right thing.

I adore my animals and I do everything I can to give them the best life I possibly can. I feel part of that is taking responsibility for them when they're old.

If I couldn't keep my young horse I would sell her. She's healthy, she's capable of going on and leading a productive life with someone else. My old boy? Who would really want to take on an animal with increasing vet costs. I couldn't bear it if in his twilight years he was passed from home to home or lived in a way I consider sub par after he's been my friend and given me the world for all these years so I would put him to sleep.

Quality not quantity. They don't think about death like we do and there are fates far worse than death.

Celestia26 · 30/08/2017 18:39

Greyhorses I have absolutely no idea where you are getting the information from that Vets cannot refuse to either pts an animal or refer you to a vet who will! It's bollocks quite frankly. A vet can (and will) refuse outright to kill an animal who does not need to be pts. I've been a Veterinary Nurse for 14 years and have never seen this happen.
Op please speak to the rehoming centre, surely something can be done for your cats, even fostering can be a possibility whilst a more permanent home is found.

Ivymaud · 30/08/2017 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beadieeye · 30/08/2017 18:42

No, you don't kill your cats because it you would find it embarrassing to entrust them to a shelter.
No.

Nancy91 · 30/08/2017 18:42

Again I must reiterate that there are people who take on elderly animals. Being put into a rescue centre run by people who obviously love cats and dedicate their lives to voluntarily taking care of them is hardly torture, it is way better than death.

Idontmeanto · 30/08/2017 18:43

It's not unreasonable to consider it an option, you know the circumstances of the local shelter, as well as your cats' health needs.
I'm sad to hear shelter volunteers roll their eyes at desperate people making very difficult decisions.

AnneElliott · 30/08/2017 18:44

Wouldn't a friend take them for you op, at least temporarily? Seems not right to PTS if they are still going strong.

And FILs vet refused to PTS their 19 year old cat just because she weed everywhere. She lived til 22 and I was prepared to have her if PILS we're determined not to have her back.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/08/2017 18:45

OP, you really must do what you think is right. What you would want for them.

People bleat on about the UK being a nation of cat-lovers but if that were the case, the Cat Protection League and myriad local shelters would be drumming their fingers with nothing to do. It isn't true.

I can't believe that people haven't seen the abject cruelty that animals are subjected to and, if OP's beloved pets are going to be away from her then better they are not ever put at risk of it.

The thread is fairly littered with well-meaning posters saying "I would if I could BUT...". Not helpful for the OP is it? Unless you would and can then as a kindness, pipe down.

I've never managed to have a cat; I nearly did a couple of years ago but he was stray, very ill and RSPCA wouldn't let me have him. They euthanized him and I was terribly upset but for ME, not HIM. He had no idea what was going to happen and was warm and comfortable at the end when he'd not had that for some time in his miserable stray-life.

If you can't see why the OP feels this way then at least don't call her names or make assumptions about what sort of person she is. I'm not in her position and I hope I never would be but, if I were, and couldn't rehome them safely then I would do the same - because it's better for them than risking their last years being stray or abused.

zippydoodaar · 30/08/2017 18:46

Please don't put them to sleep.

The Blue Cross near us regularly have older cats (12. 13, 14 years....) and they manage to find them homes.

I would have no worries about taking an older cat. Our last cat was from the rescue and he was homeless because his owner died. We only had him for four years but he was an absolute delight and I'm glad we chose him.

Nancy91 · 30/08/2017 18:47

What area is the OP in? I might be able to help

Ivymaud · 30/08/2017 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SteelyTesticlesOfObjectivity · 30/08/2017 18:49

Feeling quite sorry for the posters who can't see the difference between taking an animal on as a pet, making an unspoken agreement with it to care for it and protect it. Cherishing it, cuddling it, stroking it, giving it a name, making it a part of the family.......to a bacon butty

So because one animal had a great life and one didn't it deserves to live?

Strange.

AbiMichelle · 30/08/2017 18:50

You want to kill your cats because it's not inconvenient to have them with you moving to a house with a no pets policy!?

Shame on you! 😡

sonjadog · 30/08/2017 18:52

I think you sounds like a reflective and caring owner, OP, who will do what is best for the cats, be that rehome or put to sleep. You aren´t going to get rational argument on her, I´m afraid. I hope you don´t take the comments too much to heart.

If you do PTS, do be very sure you are doing the right thing. I have owned two dogs. The first one had to be put to sleep at a young age. Although I know deep down it was the right decision, it haunted me for years. Was there anything else I could have done? Should I have waited longer? With my second dog I was sure not to make that mistake again. He died in April this year. He was also put to sleep, but I was 100% sure that it was the right decision and time.

GahBuggerit · 30/08/2017 18:53

Thinking about it I may be able to help too, I can have a word with the cpl lady I know, don't see her much nowadays but I can get a message to her to see if she can help or any of her colleagues. Their branch foster in homes rather than kennels and they sometimes end up fostering the cats for the rest of their lives, so re-home essentially. Where are you op, very roughly? (Putting aside my opinions on the situation, if I can try and help the cats I will)

GahBuggerit · 30/08/2017 18:54

No steely, strange you gleaned that from my post Confused

Greyhorses · 30/08/2017 18:54

Celestia I am an RVN working in education and an emergency referral centre. I attended Cpd on this very subject recently.

The rcvs states that:
8.6 The veterinary surgeon's primary obligation is to relieve the suffering of an animal, but account must be taken not only of the animal's condition, but also the owner's wishes and circumstances. To refuse an owner's request for euthanasia may add to the owner's distress and could be deleterious to the welfare of the animal. Where, in all conscience, a veterinary surgeon cannot accede to a client's request for euthanasia, he or she should recognise the extreme sensitivity of the situation and make sympathetic efforts to direct the client to alternative sources of advice.

So yes, the vet does not have to euthanise something they don't want too, but they should make a concious effort to assist the client to find an alternative. They absolutely should not be just saying no and shutting the door on the subject without offering an alternative and I'm surprised you know people who do. Either a colleague to do the procedure who won't have an ethical issue or an alternative for the cats which is what, signing them over to sit in kennels stressed for months?

It's not as black and white as find them a new home is it and anyone working in rescue or the vet profession knows the reality of what's likely to happen to them.