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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put my four elderly cats to sleep even though they are not dying?

427 replies

Turningtiger · 30/08/2017 16:11

DH lost his job and we've had to move to a cheaper area of the city we live in. The house we have found to accommodate our family and within our price range does not allow pets. We will also probably have to move abroad next year because most of the jobs that DH can get are in Europe.

We have gone through periods of boarding our cats while we have been looking for somewhere new to live and all the turmoil it has brought about. It has been expensive boarding as each cat has a different health condition which needs a lot of attention, giving meds, vet visits etc, so we've had to pay extra for the very kind lady at the boarding to do that too.

I have volunteered for animal rescues in our area for 20 years, and I know what pressure they are under. I know that most people abandon their animals without a second look, and if they do make a donation to the shelter before they disappear, it's usually just enough to cover the initial vaccinations and perhaps a spay. I've also had these cats so long that I don't feel I could trust someone else to look after them in a way that they wouldn't suffer. I know that doesn't sound rational, but I've just had them for so long, I know them so well.

There is also an element for me of feeling terribly embarrassed, after all these years of volunteering and donating, to present the same story as everyone else who we have rolled our eyes at over the years. In the "rescue" world I volunteer in, there is no excuse to abandon your animals.

I am temped now to put them down, so that I can know that they had a fantastic life and that they did not suffer. It will save me a lot of anxiety (yes I'm aware I am thinking about me). I know also that this doesn't sound rational either. But to me it feels like the right thing.

What do you think? The cats are all 16 from the same litter.

OP posts:
Liiinoo · 30/08/2017 16:58

Karma my dad was in his fifties and died a very slow and painful death riddled with cancer, unable to move or speak. I wish to god I could have spared his suffering in the same way I was able to spare my cat a few months of a life without quality.

Mittens1969 · 30/08/2017 16:58

I would agree with the PP who suggested having them fostered. That would make sense. I couldn't do that when I could no longer keep my beloved 13 year old cat as cat fosterers always have several cats and it would have been too much stress to rehome her when she was already a very stressed and unwell cat. She had to be PTS but in her case I had no choice.

But you do, OP. Sorry, I sympathise with your situation but YABVU. Your cats sound like they're not all that unwell for their age and have a good quality of life.

perper · 30/08/2017 16:58

Something to consider OP- plenty of private rentals may consider cats if you offer a larger security deposit and can show yourself to be a perfect tenant (glowing references, can clearly cover the rent, timely payments etc). Generally their blanket policy will be 'no pets' but that doesn't mean they won't consider individual circumstances. Litter trained adult cats as part of a clean, tidy, honest family who always pay on time is much more preferable than a careless family who don't look after the house and make late payments.

OnionKnight · 30/08/2017 16:59
Hmm

I swear we had a thread about putting a healthy dog to sleep last week.

Mia1415 · 30/08/2017 17:00

JacquesHammer
I know its not easy to find somewhere to rent that can take pets but that doesn't mean you can't find anywhere.

I did it. There was no way my pets were going to be rehomed when I split from exDH. You speak to landlords, pay a higher deposit, demonstrate that you are a genuine and good tenant and can get lucky.

BarbarianMum · 30/08/2017 17:00

I'm challenging your ridiculous statement perper to see if you'd stand by it, nothing to do with the OP.

Lulusmother · 30/08/2017 17:00

16 isn't that old for a cat. My eldest lived to the grand old age of 22. I'd be devastated to have to do this.

grandOlejukeofYork · 30/08/2017 17:00

No, that was a cat too. And it wasn't healthy either!

KimmySchmidt1 · 30/08/2017 17:03

have you considered getting a job?

endehors · 30/08/2017 17:05

"I don't think it is any more morally dubious than eating meat."

Oh there's always one.

Isn't there just!

Oliviaoatcake · 30/08/2017 17:07

I understand where you're coming from OP but I don't agree.

They still have perhaps five or six years of life left.

I just came on to say that I adopted an elderly cat and I intend to do so again, so not every elderly cat is doomed to die in a shelter once it's placed there.

Think again, swallow your pride and look at re-homing if you feel you can't keep them with you.

PoppyPopcorn · 30/08/2017 17:10

you wouldnt put a child to sleep for becoming an inconvenience,

And we're off. Always one who seems to think pets are just the same as children. Hmm

OP, I see where you're coming from. There are very few people who would be prepared to take on four 16 year old cats who may not have health issues at present, but who are almost guaranteed to develop issues in the near future. You don't want them separated, or stressed by being in a rescue. You've given them 16 years with a good quality of life.

mydogisthebest · 30/08/2017 17:10

I took on two 16 year old cats 5 years ago. They were sisters and their owner had died. The daughter of the owner put a post on facebook as she could not find a rescue that would take them because of their ages. So some people definitely do take on older cats.

One died last year aged 20 and the other died just over a month ago aged 21.

Me and DH moved abroad and took our cats with us. When we moved back to the UK the cats came with us. We had nowhere to live to start with so had to stay in a hotel. The cats went into a cattery. We had to find a property to rent and it wasn't that easy with cats but no way would we have not had them with us. There are landlords that will take pets.

Have you asked friends, family, neighbours? Put a post on facebook, maybe on a cat related group. There are some rescues that take elderly cats. Goldie's Cat Rescue mainly take elderly cats. They are in Essex but there may be others around.

Where in the UK are you?

troodiedoo · 30/08/2017 17:11

Christ there are some twats on this thread. 16 is old for a cat. If you take them to a shelter they will be pts. Therefore the kind thing is to do it with you there for their last moments. And remember you gave them a happy home for 16 years.

A shit situation, you have my sympathy Flowers

Ttbb · 30/08/2017 17:11

Yes to the above. These are elderly cats not kittens. If you are going to compare them to humans you should be comparing them to your grandmother.

LuluJakey1 · 30/08/2017 17:14

Beyond me how you can even contemplate it. Are they becoming an inconvenience? That is how it sounds- bottom of your list, a nuisance.

mydogisthebest · 30/08/2017 17:15

A 16 year old cat will NOT automatically be put to sleep by a shelter. Cats can live to over 20 so why rob them of another 4, 5, 6 or more years?

Yes Troodiedoo there are quite a lot of twats on this thread but it's not the people saying the OP is in the wrong

RonSwansonsMoustache · 30/08/2017 17:15

Not all shelters will have them PTS - I would say the vast majority have a "no kill" policy these days.

I think what people are trying to say is that there are other options other than having them PTS. You could see if you could rehome them - ask at vets or shelters, or see if they can be fostered - so OP is still responsible for vets bills and medical care, but the fosterer takes them and has the day-to-day responsibility for them.

Lots of people foster cats because they don't want to commit to full-time pet care, but they are often willing to take on cats with health issues. It could be a short-medium term option, at least.

LuluJakey1 · 30/08/2017 17:16

I took in two old cats from an elderly neighbour who died. They were 15 and 16. I had one 3 years and the other 4 and they had lovely lives. You sound dreadful.

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2017 17:17

Beyond me how you can even contemplate it

You probably don't have much imagination then.

Nor is anyone posting "Oh I could NEVER do this to my pet" in any way morally superior to the OP or those saying she is NBU. Much as they'd like to think they are

AnaViaSalamanca · 30/08/2017 17:18

Putting to sleep? It is called KILLING.

fenneltea · 30/08/2017 17:19

In you shoes without question I would euthanise. I say that as a cat lover who currently has six rescues that were all feral.

They risk being stuck in a cage for a long time, being stressed, ending up in an unsuitable home. etc etc. if sent to a rescue.

Rehoming should involve stringent checks, and the majority of people are wanting young, healthy, attractive cats that have no medical expenses. There are exceptions, but they are few and far between.

I'm also involved with rescues, and to be frank the times people say 'give it to a rescue' without the understanding that the majority of these rescues are full to bursting; and taking in four elderly cats will mean that four healthy young cats are denied a space and will face euthanasia.

Euthanasia is not the worst thing that can happen by a long stretch, a responsible owner will seriously consider it as an option in the animals best interests to prevent suffering.

I hope things work out for you, but you are thinking of your animals, you are not being selfish, euthanasia is not an easy option for an owner who loves their animals, but it can often be the right one for the animal.

I also know several vets who would agree with me.

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2017 17:19

Putting to sleep? It is called KILLING

Don't be ridiculously emotive

viques · 30/08/2017 17:19

OP you really are caught between a rock and a hard place. at the moment your cats are have a family home they know, where they are loved, cared for, medicated and have each other for company as they have had for 16 years. They have and have had a lovely life, and are content. If you could absolutely guarantee that they would have all the same creature comforts in a rescue or foster home for as long as they needed it then there would be no argument or discussion needed.

The problem is you can't guarantee that life for them. They could be in a caring shelter, their physical needs met, but it would not be a family home. The chances of four elderly sickish cats getting a foster home together are unlikely, and even if they did there would be the upheaval of moving and adjusting to a new home and carers.

It is a terrible decision you have to make, I would hate to have to make it , and I honestly don't know which way I would go. But on the whole I would want to KNOW unequivocally that my cats were content, with no possibility that they were unhappy or stressed , and since there is no way of guaranteeing that, I think I would have to go with pts because the alternative is too hard to bear, though it would break my heart.

mydogisthebest · 30/08/2017 17:20

JaquesHammer, yes you carry on thinking just killing 4 cats because they have become inconvenient is fine.