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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put my four elderly cats to sleep even though they are not dying?

427 replies

Turningtiger · 30/08/2017 16:11

DH lost his job and we've had to move to a cheaper area of the city we live in. The house we have found to accommodate our family and within our price range does not allow pets. We will also probably have to move abroad next year because most of the jobs that DH can get are in Europe.

We have gone through periods of boarding our cats while we have been looking for somewhere new to live and all the turmoil it has brought about. It has been expensive boarding as each cat has a different health condition which needs a lot of attention, giving meds, vet visits etc, so we've had to pay extra for the very kind lady at the boarding to do that too.

I have volunteered for animal rescues in our area for 20 years, and I know what pressure they are under. I know that most people abandon their animals without a second look, and if they do make a donation to the shelter before they disappear, it's usually just enough to cover the initial vaccinations and perhaps a spay. I've also had these cats so long that I don't feel I could trust someone else to look after them in a way that they wouldn't suffer. I know that doesn't sound rational, but I've just had them for so long, I know them so well.

There is also an element for me of feeling terribly embarrassed, after all these years of volunteering and donating, to present the same story as everyone else who we have rolled our eyes at over the years. In the "rescue" world I volunteer in, there is no excuse to abandon your animals.

I am temped now to put them down, so that I can know that they had a fantastic life and that they did not suffer. It will save me a lot of anxiety (yes I'm aware I am thinking about me). I know also that this doesn't sound rational either. But to me it feels like the right thing.

What do you think? The cats are all 16 from the same litter.

OP posts:
TenForward82 · 30/08/2017 17:45

Put ads on social media asking someone to take them. Make sure you explain that the alternative for them is death.

Assuming this is real, of course.

suzyx · 30/08/2017 17:45

This is such a sad situation OP, However you need to do whatever is best for your family. You have loved & cared for these animals to the best of your ability. As your circumstances have changed beyond control I don't think anyone else should judge. Before any one says 'but cats are your family!' I'm sorry but no! I'm an animal lover but they are cats! You are more than a responsible owner being realistic instead of living with the consequences when they may not last much longer anyway. Cats hate change and they'll find themselves depressed and bewildered being in an alien environment. IMO you are being responsible and realistic so do whatever is best for you & your family.

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2017 17:45

*I am refusing to read this horrible thread.

Fgs, how difficult would it be to take your poor cats to a shelter? I SINCERELY hope you get short shrift from any vet you have the nerve to approach.

I despise your attitude to the animals' lives*

So you've not read it but enough to comment?

Gah81 · 30/08/2017 17:46

And agree with Altwoo: I actively decided I wanted a cat with health problems/that wouldn't be people's first choice, having had many cats and knowing that I could provide them with a safe, quiet, loving home where others might not be able to.

GahBuggerit · 30/08/2017 17:46

Altwoo - that is true, as I said earlier a person I knew who worked for the CPL fostered the elderly cats for her branch and apart from one or two they were never with her for very long.

Cats are totally different to dogs, I 1000% disagree with not giving a dog a chance either, but cats are very different and while they love their owners their loyalties will generally always lie wherever the hell they want them too at that moment in time. (Ive had LOTS of cats and while I think they have loved me Ive been under no illusion that they could just as easily have adopted another human if they wanted, happens all the time!)

Original poster
Turningtiger · 30/08/2017 17:46

Hi all

Thanks for the comments. I understand both sides. Just clarifying a few things:

The reason they have been in boarding has been the time between when we got kicked out of the home we were living in and had to find a new home. We had one false start with a new home too, where they came back, but then the landlord said no and they had to go back to boarding. A previous poster said I had put them in boarding because I was "neglecting" them in favour of my "hectic" schedule, but that is simply not true.

They all have quite severe health problems, but they are not quite at the point I would PTS.

If i approached the shelter of my volunteer colleagues that I have known for years, they would definitely take them. But my experience of volunteering in those rescues is that - while they are fed, watered, and looked after well - they are not stroked or checked as often as I would like. Not checking on them constantly makes me anxious that someon will miss something that is making them suffer or causing pain.

When I volunteered at the shelter, going to each of the animals individually and giving them affection was packed into extra time, where - if there are hundreds of animals to look after - there isn't any. I also know that older animals with health problems are so often the last to go (if ever) from rescue.

The thought of them separated, waiting, in ill-health and not getting the attention they need, is the thing that would haunt me the most. The memory of them having a fantastic life together and dying without too much suffering or pain, would be my preferable option.

OP posts:
Resideria · 30/08/2017 17:47

I sincerely hope anyone who's against this idea has never in their life eaten a piece of meat that they did not need to survive (personally, I'd say that is an impossibility) and have never wasted meat products by letting them go out of date etc.

Over a billion of healthy animals are slaughtered in the UK every year, many of them having endured torturous conditions throughout their life. That should really put into perspective the euthanasia of elderly pets out of kindness, in order to save them from unhappiness at the end of a well-lived life.

BertrandRussell · 30/08/2017 17:47

"Fgs, how difficult would it be to take your poor cats to a shelter?"
It would be easy. But cruel. Too many people take the easy option because they are too selfish to take the difficult one.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 30/08/2017 17:48

PTS is better than living your last years in a shelter but I really think you should make every effort to rehome your pets and sod your embarrassment.

FoxyRoxy · 30/08/2017 17:48

Op please try to re-home them first, I'd happily take 3 elderly cats with health issues and so would several people I know, given the alternative. If it wasn't for the fact that I thought that my boisterous 4 and 3 year olds would upset them and make their lives miserable I'd offer to take them myself.

JaneEyre70 · 30/08/2017 17:51

Is it that impossible to find a home that will allow you to keep your pets? it seems a very cruel and extreme way of dealing with the situation. I am presuming you're not doing the same to your kids or DH...............

GahBuggerit · 30/08/2017 17:52

I think you'd have the memory of knowing you didn't do all you could for them tbh OP. God that would kill me, I was bad enough when I've had to PTS when they have been truly poorly wondering if I did the right thing, cant imagine how you'd feel, so I do have some sympathy for you because it IS going to be awful.

Poor cats. Don't get any other pets though.

Skarossinkplunger · 30/08/2017 17:52

I've on rented accommodation for the last 20 years, I've always found somewhere that will rent to people with pets.

Yes, it makes it harder but not impossible. Why would you even go to look at somewhere that doesn't allow pets?

Ivymaud · 30/08/2017 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeyroar · 30/08/2017 17:54

Yeah Nina, shove them in a shelter, let them probably spend the last years of their lives stressed in a cage wondering what happened to their lovely old life, or if they're "lucky" they might get adopted singularly and have the stress of getting used to a new home/life as an old cat. Yeah, that's kinder than quietly putting them down while they're calm and happy in their own home.

I've a house full of rescue cats and dogs that I adore, but in this scenario I'd consider it. I'd be devastated, but I'd rather do that than send them to a shelter.

OP I'd definitely ask/beg the new landlord to take a higher deposit if you can take your cats and provide references from previous landlords re the cats being good if possible. As for the working abroad, cross that bridge when you get to it. But if you really can't find a solution that won't stress the cats, yes I'd do it.

mydogisthebest · 30/08/2017 17:54

I know a vet refused to pts the two 16 year old cats I took in. I am also pretty sure my vet would not put them to sleep unless they are very ill.

Do all 4 cats have to be rehomed together? What about 2 and 2? A lot of people would think 4 is too many to take on whereas 2 doesn't seem so bad.

What health problems do they have? Are they serious, do they have to have medication that costs a lot?

Are you anywhere near Essex? If so or if you could get there then try Goldie's Cat Rescue. They mainly take elderly cats who go to fosterers or straight to a home if there is one. I have actually tried twice in the last 2 months to get a cat from them but even though with one of them I replied within a day of seeing their post they had both already gone

UnicornSparkles1 · 30/08/2017 17:55

I adopted a 19 year old cat from a rescue. I had her for 11 wonderful months before nature struck. You are horribly selfish and self entitled.

I hope someone affords you the same care and compassion in your twilight years. You'll deserve nothing less.

BertrandRussell · 30/08/2017 17:56

"it seems a very cruel and extreme way of dealing with the situation. I am presuming you're not doing the same to your kids or DH..............."
Oh don't be so fucking stupid.

SteelyTesticlesOfObjectivity · 30/08/2017 17:57

am presuming you're not doing the same to your kids or DH.

Hmm

More than likely they won't be severely affected by a move to a different country. Nor will they be expected to travel cargo class, where many living creatures die every year.

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2017 17:57

I hope someone affords you the same care and compassion in your twilight years. You'll deserve nothing less

Oh don't be ridiculous

SteelyTesticlesOfObjectivity · 30/08/2017 17:58

Or what Bertrand said

Nancy91 · 30/08/2017 17:58

I don't know what sort of rescues people are talking about that are worse than death? The rescues I've worked with are amazing and the cats are properly cared for and they get fussed and played with every day!

There are people out there who would happily adopt an older animal with health problems, I'm one of them! I actively looked for animals who would otherwise be overlooked because of age.

It is NOT kinder to put them down unless they are in pain or terminally sick. It is lazy and selfish. Give them to a rescue, the volunteers there dedicate their lives to the animals and won't let them down.

Marmitetoasties · 30/08/2017 18:01

I second the opinions of people posting saying you need to ask people to take them or they will die

A friend of mine spends her retirement looking after old or ill cats- but unfortunately she is full up.

Also, no matter where you are try CATCUDDLES in Greenwich. They are a lovely lovely shelter and I know the woman who runs it is caring and would never neglect them

pi1ates · 30/08/2017 18:02

There are people who would take them OP - of course there are! Many older people would take them as they maybe don't want the commitment of kittens? My mum could have them just off the top of my head! I would, if the alternative is puts. Totally agree with GahBuggerit - cats are not like dogs. Their affiliation lies with who is feeding them and giving company at that time! They live in the moment - like all animals. They don't sit there and reflect on how things have changed. A move will be stressful for elderly cats yes, but this can be managed by keeping the environment calm and bringing familiar smelling things with them. We are a nation of cat lovers. There must be people who will take them on in your area, even if it means splitting them. Advertise and get local vets to advertise too. Our local vets often take elderly cats themselves.

mydogisthebest · 30/08/2017 18:02

Steely, how do you know they will be severely affected by a move to a different country? My cats weren't and neither were any of the cats or dogs of people I have known move abroad and take their pets with them.

Also I don't believe the OP has said which country they would be moving to although they have said Europe. So why would they have to fly there?

When we moved to Europe and then when we came back we used the Eurotunnel so we could be with our pets on the journey. It meant a much longer drive in France than a ferry would have done but we were not prepared to leave our pets alone on the car deck