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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put my four elderly cats to sleep even though they are not dying?

427 replies

Turningtiger · 30/08/2017 16:11

DH lost his job and we've had to move to a cheaper area of the city we live in. The house we have found to accommodate our family and within our price range does not allow pets. We will also probably have to move abroad next year because most of the jobs that DH can get are in Europe.

We have gone through periods of boarding our cats while we have been looking for somewhere new to live and all the turmoil it has brought about. It has been expensive boarding as each cat has a different health condition which needs a lot of attention, giving meds, vet visits etc, so we've had to pay extra for the very kind lady at the boarding to do that too.

I have volunteered for animal rescues in our area for 20 years, and I know what pressure they are under. I know that most people abandon their animals without a second look, and if they do make a donation to the shelter before they disappear, it's usually just enough to cover the initial vaccinations and perhaps a spay. I've also had these cats so long that I don't feel I could trust someone else to look after them in a way that they wouldn't suffer. I know that doesn't sound rational, but I've just had them for so long, I know them so well.

There is also an element for me of feeling terribly embarrassed, after all these years of volunteering and donating, to present the same story as everyone else who we have rolled our eyes at over the years. In the "rescue" world I volunteer in, there is no excuse to abandon your animals.

I am temped now to put them down, so that I can know that they had a fantastic life and that they did not suffer. It will save me a lot of anxiety (yes I'm aware I am thinking about me). I know also that this doesn't sound rational either. But to me it feels like the right thing.

What do you think? The cats are all 16 from the same litter.

OP posts:
Distractotron · 30/08/2017 16:42
  • it might be worth a try putting an ad out there anyway, just in case, though. (I don't really understand the bit about other people not being able to 'know' your cats like you do, sorry!)
WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 30/08/2017 16:42

First, to those agreeing with her embarrassment at even considering the option of PTS, read it again. She is embarrassed about becoming an amandoner after being a rehomer for so long. Confused

Second, everyone who is saying rehoming an elderly cat is unfair on the cat... I have 2 elderly (18 and 19) cats who belonged to a family friend who died. They were fine within a week and it is like I have had them forever. I had never met them before. Years ago, my 16 year old cat went to live with my friend for a year whilst I went travelling. She transitioned well to her and just as well back to me. She lived until she was 22.

TipTopTipTopClop · 30/08/2017 16:42

BTW, if you're in London my slightly mad neighbour rehomes elderly cats and is currently between them. PM me if so. She wouldn't take 4, I should think.

PollytheDolly · 30/08/2017 16:43

Try putting an ad out first, you never know, there could be that willing, ideal person out there and ask your landlord....you never know!

If not, then I think you are being sensible.

SylviaPoe · 30/08/2017 16:43

Maybe the OP should just roll up at the nearest housing advice centre and declare herself homeless on the basis that she can't find rented accommodation with pets.

Some people just live in a fantasy land when it comes to the difficulties for people renting.

supermangotnothingonme · 30/08/2017 16:43

If I was anywhere near you op, I'd take all four cats in so the didn't have to be PTS. I hate this culture of animal is old life has moved on since we first got them, they're not convenient anymore. You may think you're doing the best for them but I disagree.
Could never imagine doing that to my cat at that age unless she was poorly, in pain and had no quality of life.
Also the fact vets will just put any animal to sleep for any reason is disgusting but another issue entirely.

DJBaggySmalls · 30/08/2017 16:44

YANBU. I'm another one who knows there are worse things than being PTS. If you give them away they can end up as bait animals, or live in a cage for the rest of their lives.

I wish people would stop repeating the myth that vets wont put healthy animals down. They do it all the time, they dont like it but are pragmatists. Real life is not always kind to pet owners and there are not enough good homes for all the animals that need one.

Karmapolicearrestthisman · 30/08/2017 16:45

This post is very black and white.

Nobody can care for them as well as you, so they should be killed.

What if you spent some effort actually researching a home for them instead? There may be someone out there more than happy to take one of them, even if it isn't all of them. Perhaps a lonely pensioner who wants a pet that won't outlive them?

I would not put an animal to sleep unless I knew I had done absolutely everything.

A cat needs basic needs met. They can settle in anywhere they feel safe and have access to what they need. They don't bond with people in the same way as a dog. I don't see how killing them would be merciful for them, it's just merciful for you isn't it - because you don't have to worry, or feel embarrassed?

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2017 16:45

It is four elderly cats, all with underlying health conditions. How can anyone think for a moment these cats will (a) be easy to rehome and (b) actually be able to stand the stress of the rescue centre.

YANBU - sometimes PTS is by far the kindest thing

I would find somewhere to rent which allows pets

This line is always trotted out on threads like this. It isn't always that easy you know. Sometimes there are situations which make it absolutely impossible.

Liiinoo · 30/08/2017 16:46

In January this year we had out last cat pts at home. There was nothing specific wrong with her, she was just old and tired and frail with no appetite or energy, as well she should have been at 17 years old. The vet agreed she had no quality of life anymore and that pts was the kindest thing. It was quick and peaceful and she felt no pain. I wish to god I could have done the same thing for my dad instead of watching him waste away slowly.

GeorgiePeachie · 30/08/2017 16:46

You say in the shelters people might make a minor donation as well as leaving the cats. Why don't you make a SIZABLE donation? I don't know how much it is to put a cat to sleep. maybe that times 4...?

Wolfiefan · 30/08/2017 16:47

I think it's incredibly selfish.
I would pts any animal that was suffering or whose quality of life meant they couldn't be happy or maintain their dignity.
None of your post is about what's best for them. Sad.

Montsti · 30/08/2017 16:48

Yabvu...but it seems to be a trend these days...I just wish people wouldn't get pets unless they're in it for the duration...

I completely get that your situation has changed and it's very unfortunate but I would be doing everything in my power to keep these cats...

Serialweightwatcher · 30/08/2017 16:48

There must be another way - that is awful ... they're members of the family or should be Hmm

imjessie · 30/08/2017 16:49

I'm very pro animals and pro care and I actually think it's probably the kindest thing. I know quite a few people who have put horses and dogs to sleep when they are elderly because circumstances have changed and frankly it's kinder compared to them all being separated and potentially dying from the stress of being re homed . I always said I would put my elderly cat down if I had to leave him for any reason . He just wouldn't have coped .

grandOlejukeofYork · 30/08/2017 16:49

Yabvu...but it seems to be a trend these days...I just wish people wouldn't get pets unless they're in it for the duration

Hardly. People are much more pet indulgent than they used to be.

JoandMax · 30/08/2017 16:50

I really feel for you OP, what a difficult position to be in.

Is there any option to look at other accommodation or to negotiate with the landlord by way of a bigger deposit? As obviously the ideal outcome is they can stay with you.

If that really isn't possible then I would agree with your decision. The chances of 4 elderly cats being rehomed is incredibly small, they would undoubtedly be distressed and suffer. They've had a long, happy life full of care and love with you.

And can people please stop comparing pets to kids - sometimes hard decisions have to be made and your children must take priority. And I say that as a huge animal lover who volunteers a lot of time with cats.

Karmapolicearrestthisman · 30/08/2017 16:50

I wish to god I could have done the same thing for my dad instead of watching him waste away slowly.

So, if your dad had "nothing specific wrong with him" and was old and frail, you'd want him killed? That doesn't seem quite right.

WeAllHaveWings · 30/08/2017 16:51

Such a hard decision op and exceptional circumstances. I would not judge you for what one you made. Good luck.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 30/08/2017 16:52

Could you get them fostered? You would still be responsible for their healthcare etc, but they could live with another family for a while?

I understand your dilemma but you can't put four healthy animals to sleep just because you're moving house. Plenty of cats and dogs have illnesses that require ongoing vet care, that doesn't mean they should be put to sleep.

Ring around vets/rescue centres in your area and ask. At the very least see if they can be fostered or taken into a rescue. I don't know any reputable vets who would put otherwise healthy cats to sleep (i.e if they're not dying/in pain/injured) so even if you did decide to do that, you might find it's not an option.

sunshinesupermum · 30/08/2017 16:52

DD2 has rehomed two elderly cat already this year - one was 14 and died within four months and the other was 12 when she arrived three months ago and last week we learned she has inoperable cancer and we can only give her palliative care.

People do take in elderly cats and care for them even with health probems. Please don't put your cats to sleep before their time.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/08/2017 16:53

The worst thing would be for your elderly cats to become feral. That could happen if they are re-homed and vets bills (at 16 years) start stacking up.

In your circumstances, if there is no way that you can keep them, I would have them euthanized. That way at least you will not be torturing yourself as to what has become of them - and your cats will not suffer.

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2017 16:53

I just wish people wouldn't get pets unless they're in it for the duration

Most people are in it for the duration. Sadly life isn't always kind is it and sometimes circumstances dictate really hard decisions.

That doesn't make the decision maker a bad or irresponsible person in anyway

perper · 30/08/2017 16:54

BarbarianMum You'd change your kids schools, take them away from friends, abandon your elderly mother, move to an estate with a high crime rate and a big drugs problem (what's exposing your teens to a bit of casual gang membership and risk of stabbing)?

It seems you have inside information about the OP's housing situation that the rest of us aren't privy to. Either that or you're just making ridiculous assumptions.

Hmm
Lovemusic33 · 30/08/2017 16:56

I think OP would be doing the right thing, as sad as it is, it would probably be more upsetting for them being moved around, they already have health conditions so the vet probably wouldn't refuse to do it. I was in the vets one day when a woman came in to get advice about her mums cat, her mum had died and the cat was left over but the cat wasn't a very friendly cat so would be hard to rehome, the advice was to have it PTS as it was quite old and would not adapt to being made a farm cat (it was too vicious to be a house cat). I don't think it's selfish at all, situations change and you can't not move because of the cars (no, they are not the same as children).