Not to go to my parents' because dad's 'brother' is coming

[sintnabo]

I tried to keep this short but I have a tendency to waffle –

My dad has a brother who emigrated 30 years ago when I was a baby, they did not keep in touch and I had never met/known him or had a desire to do so.
He came back for a visit last year to go to his mother’s funeral (strange as he never came back to visit her or kept in contact with her while she was alive) and now my dad and his brother have rekindled their relationship, and his brother has come back again to visit.

I do not like this man, I have no strong reasons for that, but I don’t enjoy being around him and I have no desire to form a relationship with him, as far as I am concerned he is just a friend of my dad’s – I’m happy for my dad but this man is no one to me.

My children and I eat with my parents most Fridays. His brother has invited himself over for dinner and Friday in the earliest they can do it.

Would I be unreasonable to say we won’t be going this Friday?

If my dad was inviting a random friend around for dinner there is no way in hell I would go. And that’s basically all he is. I have some kind of social anxiety, nothing major, but most social events stress me out to some degree.

I’ll add that I have a month old baby and currently spend a lot of my time sitting with my boobs out while the baby feeds/sleeps on me- something which I feel comfortable doing in front of my parents but won’t in front of this guy. We usually spend several hours there on Fridays, longer the past few weeks as it’s the school holidays. So I'd be pacing trying to settle the baby in other ways, or we'd just spend as little time as possible there which would upset the kids.

I cannot relax in front of most people. I can’t sit on the couch with my baby and chat to my mum for hours as we usually would. It’ll be awkward, uncomfortable, and terribly boring.

I know it’s my dad’s brother and they have this new found relationship and the brother would like to spend time with his ‘family’ but why should I suddenly have to play happy families and pretend we are family when we are really, really not, just because HE has decided to return after all this time?
Hell if he invited one of his sisters around for dinner there’s no way I’d have any problems with saying we’re not coming as it’s well known that they are not nice (except one) and I wouldn’t be expected to come, even though I’ve seen them a handful of times in my life.

Would it be really bad to just say we’ll sit this one out?

Really it’s only my dad’s feelings I need to think about, and possibly my mum’s as she doesn’t like him either but my dad knows we don’t like him.. and I can't see why he'd be offended. We see him lots. Maybe he wants to show off the grandkids and I shouldn’t deny him that, but they met him once last year and… I’m going around in circles and I didn’t manage to keep this short after all.

I am not sure it's the not wanting to spend time with her uncle that is making people dubious about OP. For me, it's the weird denial that he is her uncle. She even puts the word brother in quotations in her Thread Title which is a really odd thing to do.

Also, the fact that this is all such a big deal that OP has to even write a thread about it. I think for most of us, deciding not to go to dinner with family because you're not keen on the company wouldn't merit a second thought, let alone an angst ridden thread.

I totally agree OP shouldn't have to go, but that's just because she is an adult and gets to decide what she does. It's all the peripheral drama that seems faintly ridiculous.

I genuinely hope that OP has a pleasant evening and her parents aren't bothered she isn't there. I also hope she comes to terms with the fact that she does have an uncle and he may be part of her wider family life now, and stops making it such a big deal.

Please go. Not at all for your uncle - he is a stranger whose company you may or may not enjoy, nothing you can do about that part - but for the love of your dad.

Leave early if you're babied out, completely valid, but go and give your dad a dinner experience with the people he loves at one table. If he's a good dad to you this seems a small thing to give him.

I do understand what it's like to be uncomfortable playing happy families with someone you don't know and are uncomfortable with. I've been there. Don't feel you have to go; you don't know this uncle and if breastfeeding in front of him makes you uncomfortable, then your parents will understand.

What's got people going is you having this thing about him not really be your uncle and speaking of him as your DF's 'brother', it does sound a bit weird. I've never seen my extended family much but it doesn't make them less related to me.