Reach your kids some fucking consideration! [ranty]

[someonestolemynick]

This has been inspired by the mummy who let her two charming kids scoot around Tesco. But it also goes out to the geniuses who keep their little darlings watch Peppa Pig on the bus or the pub. The parent who doesn't think it necessary to teach their kids that the appropriate response to bumping into another human is to apologise.
I have noticed this more and more: children (being children) act loud, entitled or aggressive and the accompanying adult smiles indulgently rather than correcting behaviour that infringes on others.

Ianbu

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 - I only read the first page, and I don't really owe an explanation, if you do genuinely want answers on how you can deal with that situation if it happens again, I suggest you ask someone elsewhere.

I do correct my children. Every time. Not always in full view of everyone else: often in private, or when the situation has calmed down. I have a DD with PDA so that wouldn't really work for us. Another NT DD who would be mortified with a public telling off for something as simple as bumping into someone (she would apologize though).

snickers I know a lot of posters are parents. But not all kids are the same. I'm sick to death of people whining about children's behaviour and throwing the word 'entitled' around.

*WhatToDoAboutThis2017

I can't stand the parents who let their kids wander around restaurants without a care in the world.

Hello, there's people walking around with heavy trays full of hot food and drinks! They shouldn't have to dodge and shuffle their way through your kids.

(And you know they'd be the ones complaining instead of apologising if their precious kid got hot coffee poured all over them.)*

Oh yes, more than once I have been told I am rude, been shouted at, asked who the fuck I think I am when I've asked an adult to stop the child/ren they are with running around.
Best ones though are the parents who clear off outside for a smoke and leave the kids on their own, and then complain when you go out and say they can't leave their child unattended as it's a restaurant not a nursery!
Parents and children like that are mercifully not that common, and the majority are actually quite polite and well behaved. I can generally tell the difference most times between a child having a moment and the parents trying to parent in a way that won't further disturb others and the parents who think themselves and their children are entitled to do exactly as they please and sod everyone else. I'll go that extra bit for a parent and child in a difficult situation and help if it's appropriate. It's been more than once I've had to be 'The lady will come and tell you off if you don't stop' member of staff those ones usually get a free lolly or sweets though if they do as they're told.

Not much annoys me about other people's children, I tend to just be grateful they aren't mine! Heelies though I have never allowed mine to even own a pair! If the want to roller blade they can do so in an acceptable space, for everywhere else shoes work just fine.

I guess I can be strict, they get one warning in a supermarket and then either get put in the trolley or we leave. My older children do have SN though so I have to have extremely tight boundaries for them. Without them there would be chaos!

LoyaltyAndLobster If you don't want to explain your posts perhaps you shouldn't post them, especially when you try to imply you have all the answers.

There's no "if" it happens again, it happens literally every day.

You most certainly are being unreasonable about the telle on the bus!

There is a young girl who lives near me that is around 8. My mum came to visit me a few weeks ago and the girl had her bike laid across the path and my mum asked her politely if she could move her bike. The girl ignored my mum so my mum stepped around the bike, as she did so this 8 year old child pushed her in the back. My mum told the girl that she shouldn't do that to people because it's very rude and the girl just parroted 'it's very rude' in a rude voice and called my mum a stupid old woman!

I've never known a child as badly behaved as this one, to physically push an adult and then give them backchat is disgusting. The parents are obviously absolute morons though since this girl and her brother regularly run out infront of cars as a game.

There was much scootering going on when I was at the V&A Museum recently - so much so that I ran out of my usual ability to give Death Stares. I'm old and my DCs are teenage upwards so maybe I'm just the wrong generation, but I just cannot fathom what train (chain?) of thought led to a parent thinking "bringing a scooter to the V&A is absolutely fine".

I also had a weird experience in Waitrose the other day - DC4 was wanting me to buy San Pellegrino cans of lemonade, I was saying it was too expensive, and random passing father with small DCs butted in out of nowhere to tell me I should "let him have some if he really wanted it". I couldn't even think of an intelligent response - it was such a WTF? moment. But if he lets his DCs have whatever if they "really want it", regardless of anything, then how are they going to end up?

On the point of being able to control our children's behaviour. I have some sympathy with the fact that in the summer holidays children are bored and play up sometimes. Or that simply being in a busy place means sometimes children will get in the way without meaning to and that cannot always be avoided. Consideration and tolerance on both sides goes a long way.

Example. Dd1 is 11 and has ASD and dyspraxia, she cannot ride a bike but she can use a three wheeled adult size trike, we go cycling at a local forest centre, with a dedicated route around the site popular with cyclists, walkers, dog owners etc. There is a bike hire there where you can hire bikes with pods for children at the rear so it is expected that you will be sharing your path with cyclists and trikes.

Dd is nervous even on the trike and very self concious and hormonal/ emotional, she can panic when she trying to manoeuvre around people, negotiate turns and slopes. This time after a difficult start she seemed to be getting into it then as she came up behind a large group of people she panicked and rang her bell but a bit later than she should. A woman in front turned around and leaned into my dd quite aggressively to tell her off for not warning soon enough, no one was touched by dd or her trike, but she is a tall 11 yo on a large trike so may have been a shock. No more than that.

Dd stopped a short way on and started crying and refused to get back on the tricycle she wanted to go home after that. We managed to get her to continue on foot, but her Nanny (and dh!) Had to use the trike from then on. So a little more tolerance would have gone a long way from the woman who snapped at dd. She was on a path used by many cyclists and dog walkers and families and a girl on a large trike coming up behind her, getting a bit close for comfort but apologising for ringing her bell a bit late, yet still she decided that harsh words / body language were necessary.

In that forest area we often find it is the adult behaviour that leaves a lot to be desired, particularly when it comes to dog owners, dd1 again poor love, (a few years ago) was nearly knocked over by a large young over enthusiastic dog, off its lead and the dogs completely useless owner blamed dd for screaming when the dog leapt up at her! So People need some fucking consideration in order to be able to teach it to their kids and dogs!

A large family at the Science museum in London last week - THREE of the four kids had a scooter. IN the museum. kids aged between 3 and 7. Had scooters.

In a fucking museum.

It's okay though because mummy was trilling at them to "be careful!"

they aren't going to be careful, you twat, they are small kids in a museum, on SCOOTERS. I hope you read this and I wish you were ashamed but I know you won't be, trilly twats like you never are.

You most certainly are being unreasonable about the telle on the bus

Why is that?

I agree OP.

I do have a child with special needs, so I would expect people to be accommodating if he shouts, has a melt down, needs to take a long time, doesn't answer someone etc. There's no way I'd be tolerating other's sniffiness about this and feel anyone who does should have to look after someone with special needs for 2 months!

However, I would never let him -
Scoot around anywhere on his own or not in a park.
Listen to anything on his Ipad in a public place out loud.

That last one bugs the hell out of me! Some parents really are just lazy and slack.

Oh YANBU, not AT ALL.

(Disclaimer - I am grumpy and in pain today)

Scooters and heelies - burn them. Burn them all.
(I might grudgingly accept scooters in the park.)

To those people who argue that "It does no harm to give a child a tablet to keep them quiet in a cafe/restaurant/ waiting room"- YES IT DOES. I deal with children's literacy every day at work. Constant tablet grazing affects their speech, their literacy levels, their concentration, what they notice about the world, even the way their memories work. I appreciate that there might be occasions with children whereby the use of a tablet might be the lesser of two evils but the constant use of them is doing massive harm. I'm sick of seeing people using them to tranquilise children.

becotide& hassled wow, I'm surprised you can get a scooter into the bigger London museums.

becotide, you are right. There needs to be done tolerance as well. In your example there was no need for the lady to go in all guns blazing. Especially as your daughter apologised.

So a little more tolerance would have gone a long way from the woman who snapped at dd. She was on a path used by many cyclists and dog walkers and families and a girl on a large trike coming up behind her, getting a bit close for comfort but apologising for ringing her bell a bit late, yet still she decided that harsh words / body language were necessary.

I do understand what you are getting at, bigmouth, but please also be aware that some adults also have special needs. My eldest sister would have freaked out at your daughter, screamed and shouted, and she'd have been left crying in distress, too - she doesn't look as if she has any issues at all, but has a parcel of them, and one particular fear is of being knocked over by a bike (again), and she will scream (literally scream) and cry if a bike comes too close to her on a pavement. She's fine with bikes in general, approves of them and all that, just cannot cope with one swerving about anywhere near her.

And of course I am not saying that the adult who told your DD off has any special needs, but there are adults that do, and there are also adults that don't have special needs but get jumpy and angry when bikes come too near to them, because they've already been hit by a bike and don't want it to happen again, and if one rings its bell RIGHT BEHIND YOU when you hadn't seen it, they will have had a shock and not always therefore be in a tolerant mood.

Scooters at the museum - that is ducking mental - there is no justification for that, only wholly unwarranted sense of entitlement by twatty parents!

Archeryann I think if the woman had cried/ screamed/ jumped out of her skin I would have noticed that and responded with profuse apologies, while trying to calm my daughter who would have been frightened by that reaction. I would have regretted and not wanted to cause any distress and dd certainly did not want to that is why she got off her bike! She is easily startled herself, hence her on going fear of dogs. We have only just managed to get her calm enough to walk past a dog without reacting/ running away mostly.

But I was there, unfortunately not close enough on my own bike at that point to prevent the interaction but close enough as the woman turned and spoke to dd to note the tone of the exchange. The woman barely broke stride and continued with her conversation quite casually afterwards and passed me and distressed dd, with no reaction to dd distress and no on going signs of distress herself. She was irritated, not hurt or traumatised.

bigmouth I do take what you say, but you can't know someone else's state of mind. You cannot pronounce on whether the person had had a shock or not.

And yes - i completely agree with your plea for tolerance, if possible! I am just saying tolerance is also needed in the other direction. Just because someone is sorry doesn't always instantly wipe out the shock/hurt/whatever that they've caused.

i cant get over the scooters in museum experiences! That's wild!

Im never off my kids back when we're out - maybe too much because i often ask them to watch their back, move to let the lady past etc.

Theyre generally well mannered and will stand back/hold doors open although 14 y/o isn't beyond muttering 'you're welcome' passive-aggressively under her breath when an adult sweeps through in their entitled manner..... (thats where i am not doing so well)

In my experience kids often have better manners than their parents, maybe its school/clubs etc? Dunno.

@becotide Trilly twats Guffaw ! Hands down that's the best thing I've read today

I am sick of non-parenting parents. The ones at the playpark. The ones on airplanes. The ones in every. single. café.

Luckily they are in the minority - but they are everywhere. To all the PP's who say they never come across it - unless you are living in an isolated rural village - I'm guessing it is might be YOU!

I was talking about tolerance and consideration on both sides. I don't think that dd was correct to ring her bell late, but she did ring and she did apologise. So I am not sure why you keep telling me that we need to be considerate and aware of adults with special needs, I am hard of hearing and have two children with additional needs. So I think my plea for tolerance was from the same position as yours. My examples were one adult being affected by dd behaviour, and dd being affected by an inconsiderate dog owner.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. The rudest people I have ever met have been adults. Most of the children I encounter are lovely - even the ones with scooters
You can't go through life expecting never to be irritated by others, and unreasonable to put the blame on children. They are little, they like to play and some of you sound proper miseries.

Obviously if a child does bump into you, doesn't apologise, is rude, causes you to spill your coffee etc, then you have every right to be annoyed, but if they haven't actually done anything to you then you can't get cross on the offchance that they might - they have as much right to play (and be annoying) as the old people who clutter up the post office when people need to get to work and shoppers who gossip in doorways and people who get to front of the queue and then bugger off to find 10 other items of shopping or faff with their purses! People are annoying.

I have a toddler who is as naughty as it is possible for a child to be. She is an utter nightmare. I also have an older DC with SN who can have meltdowns, lash out etc. So I am very sympathetic to other children playing up and their harrassed parents trying unsuccessfully to deal with them, because sometimes that parent is me!

But there is a difference between struggling with children playing up and making active twatty decisions like letting your kid scoot around the supermarket, wear heelies in a busy shopping centre or let your toddler run around a cafe disturbing everyone and creating a danger whilst you smile on indulgently. And yes, headphones please!

Because you presented the adult telling off your DD as an example of intolerance, bigmouth.

It was totally understandable how your DD accidentally acted, and she did the right thing to apologise, which was great. It was also totally understandable how the adult reacted, too. They weren't necessarily being a bad, intolerant person - they were probably just reacting to a sudden noise and a big trike appearing behind them.

wow, I'm surprised you can get a scooter into the bigger London museums

You probably have to try really hard.

For some reason I'm reminded of people who fiddle with safety mechanisms, and then get surprised they get hurt ...