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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reach your kids some fucking consideration! [ranty]

396 replies

someonestolemynick · 29/08/2017 15:22

This has been inspired by the mummy who let her two charming kids scoot around Tesco. But it also goes out to the geniuses who keep their little darlings watch Peppa Pig on the bus or the pub. The parent who doesn't think it necessary to teach their kids that the appropriate response to bumping into another human is to apologise.
I have noticed this more and more: children (being children) act loud, entitled or aggressive and the accompanying adult smiles indulgently rather than correcting behaviour that infringes on others.

Ianbu Grin

OP posts:
LuLuuuuuuu · 30/08/2017 21:10

misdee, it was not aimed at you and sorry you think it was . That is understandable in your and your DDs situation and similar ones.

Should have added to my post that SN aside , I see nothing wrong with a book or comic I am old though and its what I had when with my Mum at hospitals or on the bus etc .

KindergartenKop · 30/08/2017 21:16

I was with a friend today who allowed her DS to scoot through the china section of a major department store.

soimpressed · 30/08/2017 21:23

We have just come back from holiday and on our 3 hour flight the children behind us thought the tray table were the best toys ever. Slamming them open and shut repeatedly throughout the flight. The parents said a couple of times that they shouldn't do but the children ignored them and just carried on. I'm really tolerant of children on planes normally but this really annoyed me.

MerchantofVenice · 30/08/2017 21:29

BitOutOfPractice

Ummm. I didn't extrapolate that from your post Confused My first comment (about the nature of the noise) was linked to your comment. The next bit was a whimsical flight of fancy about possible other noises that some posters might prefer, since Peppa Pig seems so offensive... Hth Smile

manicmij · 30/08/2017 21:44

Don't know how many times I have uttered loudly within parent/adult hearing distance "some folk allow kids to treat supermarkets as playgrounds" whenever I have encountered scooters etc. Even had experience of kids playing football in an aisle with a ball that was in a basket and for sale. Couldn't help but watch and they didn't buy the thing. Some adults just wander about in shops with mobile phone glued to eat and let the kids run wild. One instance of an assistant coming up to the queue and asking if anyone was responsible for "these children" had two at her side. Explained to parent who was actually being served that kids had been clearing lower shelves scattering everything on floor
Would say about 6 and 4 years. They were laughing and mother just shrugged her shoulders, didn't apologise, finished bagging shopping then left - smiling!!. I could go on but I can feel the anger building at total lack of responsibility by parents.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 30/08/2017 21:53

Took my 3 children shopping today. No technology, no books nothing to entertain them. We saw no scooter ing children in the shopping centre, no heelies, a few loud squealy kids but no tantrums or bad behaviour. My kids were mostly fine, ds slightly traumatised by the loud piped muzak in the shoe shop. I had to keep reminding my kids not to get in the way in shops - they have a tendency to clump like hair in a drain. This is an on going project and as the two older children have ASD which seems to render one of them under aware of her surroundings and the other overly aware of his, probably a lifetime mission for me.

Disappointingly mundane and uneventful. Grin

No fuel to fire up this thread.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 30/08/2017 22:02

Exactly WhatToDo. 😀

Kerala2712 · 30/08/2017 22:10

Frankly i'm sure most people would prefer peppa (or bloody peter rabbit at the moment) quietly on the iphone towards the end of a meal out somewhere when the two year old is restless than the yelling/shrieking/playing up that accompanies tired/bored/cramped up wants to run around toddler....inconsiderately loud tech and scooters in crowded places i agree, but you can't condemn use of tech to keep the little darlings quiet! I do agree that peppa should be silent (or banned altogether) though!

DoesHeWantToOrNot · 30/08/2017 22:23

Also in the same Morrison's I've seen kids hide behind the display of loo rolls and jump out at people.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/08/2017 22:25

Oh forgive me merchant for assuming that putting it all on one paragraph with me specifically tagged at the start would mean that the whole thing was addressed to me and you can shove your passive aggressive codicil where the sun don't shine hth

MerchantofVenice · 30/08/2017 22:36

Wow! That's a bit rude, Bit Hmm

I'm genuinely baffled at your little outburst! My first reply to you was fairly light-hearted and absurd - but you seemed not to get it as you responded with a robust wtf type reply... and now this!

Won't be replying to you again - no idea how you'll react Confused

Abbylee · 30/08/2017 22:41

Or yell at innocent shoppers bc their child ran into old lady me! Nearly knocked my purchases out of my hands on to his head. Luckily i caught them but she followed me down the aisle loudly saying "watch out for the laaaaadyyyyyy!" Repeatedly??

How was this my fault?

ShotsFired · 30/08/2017 22:49

@penny4321boom It makes me so mad that people bump into my son and because I have taught him manners he says sorry to them! Most people grunt

Teaching him to say sorry when someone barges into him isn't manners though? Saying "excuse me" would be equally polite and a bit more assertive (with the right tone). But apologising? That teaches him to be a bit of a doormat Sad

MerchantofVenice · 30/08/2017 23:05

Usually on MN you can get a bit of debate going on these threads. Apparently not on this one Sad

I've even framed some quite openly controversial arguments- about how our society hates kids whilst purporting to be kid-friendly, and about how mothers always come in for the lion's share of the blame whilst there are men out there being openly offensive, and how there were societal reasons, possibly linked to physical punishment and abuse, to account for less visible misbehaviour in the past. But no one wants to delve into reasons- they just want to winge about scooters.

Fair enough. But I can't help feeling that, if you're going to keep feeding into this idea that kids and their parents are steadily getting worse ( which OP did claim- she clearly stated she was seeing this shit 'more and more'), you should be able to support this idea of widespread moral decay with more than the odd story about an incident in Morrison's. As I keep saying, anecdotal evidence proves nothing.

Ah well. I tried.

mumandminder · 30/08/2017 23:17

My 6 & 8 year old have better manners than most adults!!! I've lost count of the times they have been bumped into & very quickly apologised without any offer of apology from the adult in the wrong.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/08/2017 23:29

Maybe I was s bit miffed at you labelling me as a misogynistic twat, Maybe. I dunno Confused

ruthsmumkath · 30/08/2017 23:30

How come people are so intolerant these days???

We don't live in an adult only environment and little people are learning how to behave, some adults are struggling with all sorts of issues and sometimes make mistakes or aren't in the right place.... in my experience when adults are stressed (divorce, illness etc) kids play up more than normal.

Maybe some people need to judge a little less

SnickersWasAHorse · 30/08/2017 23:43

I'll judge all I like when a child is tearing around a coffee shop on a scooter. That had fuck all to do with 'stress' and everything to do with piss poor parenting.

hellomarshmallow · 30/08/2017 23:52

ruthsmum that's such a thoughtful post.

TrinityTaylor · 30/08/2017 23:57

Intolerant these days??!! I think people are a lot more tolerant than they should be. Have a kid kick your seat for three hours straight after being asked to stop then see how fucking zen you'd be.

Nibledbyducks · 30/08/2017 23:58

So I'm going to start with a disclaimer, I have four children with SN and also have disabilities myself.

I was also bought up by my Grandparents so have a fair perception of the lives and opinions of the older generation and at 37 with children between the ages of 18 and 11 I've been doing this parenting thing for a while!

This thread brings to mind a town meeting that I attended with my Grandfather when I was 16 called to discuss the behaviour of young people in our town. The people were outraged, there was talk of delinquents and topping walls with razor wire. The local PC was yelled at, children young people and their parents were denounced as feckless.

My Grandfather sat and listened smiling benignly until all were whipped into a frenzy.

Then he stood and asked the assembled masses is a tone born from 40 years of teaching how many if them had invited their Grandchildren round for Sunday lunch this week? He pointed out that the delinquents of the day were the result of the parenting skills taught to their children. The assembled masses looked rather ashamed in the style of students who had just been told off by the headmaster. It was glorious moment and a memory I cherish.

Willow2017 · 31/08/2017 00:08

I am not intolerant of normal kids behaviour, getting excited, having the odd tantrum, crying etc. Thats all normal.

Scooting or running round a supermarket or restaraunt/cafe with no consideration for others.

Knocking into people.

Knocking people over.
Backchatting and swearing at people.
Pestering people continuously on planes.
Parents taking no responsibility for the behaviour of their own kids and excusing them or blaming the person they ran into/disturbed.

All those things I AM intolerant of. All of it is unecessary, entitled and rude from all concerned. Lets not kid ourselves, most of it has nothing to do with stress or anything else. I have heard parents who firmly believe that their kids have the right to 'express themselves' and if that means hurting others then thats too bad.

We were all stressed at some point and had kids out shopping but we didnt use it as an excuse for them to run riot or put other people at risk, at least those of us with more than 2 brain cells to rub together didnt.

Nameynamechangeforthis · 31/08/2017 01:01

Merchant, a bit of topic but are you, perchance, a man?

strawberrisc · 31/08/2017 07:00

Kids in my road are nightmares. One literally and I mean literally thumps his football relentlessly against the wall from when he gets up to when he goes to bed. You can even hear it over loud TV. Two others have electric scooters that sound like souped up milk floats. They're really speedy so I avoid the pavements when they're out.

gatorgolf · 31/08/2017 07:27

My son has autism but it's not an excuse for doing whatever he likes. I do sometimes find that I'm constantly having to remind him though not to get in people's way as sometimes he's just doesn't seem to be aware of his surroundings and will just start spinning in the way of everyone for example. I stop him but sure on ocassion ppl judge my parenting as autism is often an invisible disability so he doesn't look like he has special needs.

Main thing that does make things tougher though is other children being allowed to do what they like. It's easy enough to explain to an autistic child why they can't scoot round shop, but part of my sons autism is that he is very obsessed with rules and things being fair so try explaining why he can't scoot round a shop when other kids are allowed, just makes things so much harder. That said I've not seen that many kids actually scooting round I shop for it to be a major problem in our lives but same applies to any unacceptable behaviour I don't want him to do but other kids are doing