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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that this is NOT a thing!

116 replies

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 28/08/2017 18:24

DD was due early August and DP, who works in FE, was on his summer holidays since mid July and my mat leave started early July. During that time he was running around doing DIY and dealing with DS (3) whilst I got things ready for the newborn and rested.
Anyway, baby was born and DP was getting stressed with DS' behaviour in the playground and ranted that he'd be going back to work soon and he hadn't had a holiday and the weather was shit and other things..Hmm. (I was and am sleep deprived and doing the majority of stuff with newborn). He then said that his friends' partners take themselves and their kids to their parents' houses to give the Dads a "break!" And it's not unusual. I said that I wasn't going to my mum's with the DC so he gets to have a time out from being a parent. And none of my friends do this!

I don't think I was BU at all! But I'm interested to hear if anyone has heard of this or does this.

OP posts:
AvoidingCallenetics · 28/08/2017 20:48

What does he need a break from? He hasn't grown a new human from scratch and then given birth.
You are right, he is not coming across at all well here- he is coming across like a selfish twat.
He is lucky to be working in a field where he has been able to be at home as much as he has. Plenty of men get a week or so at home and then gave to go back to work and look after their children at home.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 28/08/2017 20:53

Dad worked at a Uni, and we used to go to nans for half term, and a week or two in easter/summer - but that was for mum's (and ours - to see our cousins) benefit not dad's! - Dad was out of the house before seven and rarely back before 7, and there were 4 of us, so some more hands were well welcome!

When we were away in the holidays he'd catch up on admin, or do some DIY or whatever, but mum and us were definitely the driver, not him - he was far from idle when without us!

LuluJakey1 · 28/08/2017 21:15

Tell him to pull himself together and get a grip.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/08/2017 01:24

Oh, I don't know. I think I'd need a break from him and if I had to go to my folks to get it, so be it.

Why don't you suggest that he take DS to his parents for a few days so you and the new baby can get some 'peace'?

I took mine to my folks for a week or so in the summer and DH stayed home, but it was because they lived 180 miles away and I had a more generous leave policy at work than he did. He may have felt that having the house to himself was a 'bonus' but he would have known better than to say it!

Saracen · 29/08/2017 02:05

"I remember feeling like stabbing him because I felt he had deliberately walked to a medical appointment rather than going in the car so that he got time alone."

Grin oops, I used to do that whenever I thought I could get away with it. (The walking, not the stabbing.) I was so desperate for time away from the toddler!

Saracen · 29/08/2017 02:08

You're right, OP: this is Not A Thing.

However, I have learned from the advice given on Mumsnet that it is a thing for a mum to take the kids and go to her parents for a few days to get some thinking time when she is considering whether to LTB.

Maybe your dh should warn his mates!

LiveLifeWithPassion · 29/08/2017 02:12

I do that but it's not to give dh a break. It's so I can spend time with my family and the dcs with their cousins when it's not always convenient for dh.
Dh also takes the dcs out and to his parents without me from time to time specifically to give me a break.

DeleteOrDecay · 29/08/2017 02:17

No this is definitely not a thing, he's trying it on.

SilverBirchTree · 29/08/2017 02:47

Not a thing, but is the bigger picture is that he feels stressed? Is this his inelegant way of saying he isn't coping?

Does this 'thing' he speaks of go both ways? Do his friends take their kids out of the house to give the mums a break? Or is it a one-way thing in his mind?

Can you work out a system where you each get a 'break'?

SquatBetty · 29/08/2017 05:56

No this is definitely need not a thing. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt though as it's early days with a baby instead of calling him a pathetic twat.

My sister has a friend whose husband goes and stays at his parents a couple of nights a week as he can't cope with the responsibilities of fatherhood on a weekly basis.

MoodyOne · 29/08/2017 06:10

If you want to do it then do it , but make sure he does the same for you! My DH is currently on the last 3 months of shared maternity... he now understands ... I think all partners should do a stint of it so they actually understand how hard it is.

GoneGirl · 29/08/2017 08:29

It IS actually a thing in some Asian cultures. Mum will go and stay at parents with her baby for around 6 wks.

Not to give the DH a break though, it's so she has her mum on hand to help (I think).

Sayyouwill · 29/08/2017 08:38

I do this for my hubby, but for an evening or something every now and then. But on the flip side, he does the same for me!

He walked up to me a week ago and thrust my breastpump at me, told me to crack out a bottle, ran me a bath, put the iPad on charge and let me have a night in watching game of thrones :)

Dontknowwherethelineis · 29/08/2017 11:30

My parents live a few hours away and I'm a sahm. In the summer holidays I do take the kids down to visit my parents for one mon-fri week whilst OH is working and subsequently he gets a break in the evenings but that's not the reason I take them. Perhaps he's misunderstood and thinks his friends' break is deliberate rather than a side-effect?

Dontknowwherethelineis · 29/08/2017 11:32

He has not he's

Dontknowwherethelineis · 29/08/2017 11:32

He has not he's

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