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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that this is NOT a thing!

116 replies

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 28/08/2017 18:24

DD was due early August and DP, who works in FE, was on his summer holidays since mid July and my mat leave started early July. During that time he was running around doing DIY and dealing with DS (3) whilst I got things ready for the newborn and rested.
Anyway, baby was born and DP was getting stressed with DS' behaviour in the playground and ranted that he'd be going back to work soon and he hadn't had a holiday and the weather was shit and other things..Hmm. (I was and am sleep deprived and doing the majority of stuff with newborn). He then said that his friends' partners take themselves and their kids to their parents' houses to give the Dads a "break!" And it's not unusual. I said that I wasn't going to my mum's with the DC so he gets to have a time out from being a parent. And none of my friends do this!

I don't think I was BU at all! But I'm interested to hear if anyone has heard of this or does this.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/08/2017 18:48

Aw, diddums, he's such a twat he doesn't have the balls to tell you he's too much of a wet lettuce to handle parenting kids he chose to bring into this world. My heart bleeds for him . . . NOT. No, it's not a 'thing' unless you're married to a spoilt little manchild. PMSL laughing at Dad needing a fucking break! He needs a kick in the arse, more like. Next time he says this, tell him he's full of shit and to suck it up, buttercup.

PoorYorick · 28/08/2017 18:49

Nope, in fact after a very traumatic labour and serious PND, I had both mums round for weeks and between them and my husband, I looked after the baby but didn't as much as wash a teaspoon for three months. I took care of the baby and the three of them took care of me, and how.

Merida83 · 28/08/2017 18:50

Well in his defence if you'd believed him he'd of been on to a right winner lol.

Nope it's definitely not a thing I've ever heard/known of. And in past few years I've had lots of friends and relative's around me having babies.
Plus dc1 is due next month I certainly have no plans to do that to give dh a 'break' lol. With a newborn and a 3y/o there's not really time for anyone to get a break!

arethereanyleftatall · 28/08/2017 18:50

But, could I say in his defence, all of the teachers I know work their bollocks off term time, and the summer holiday break is the main perk of their job, and often their reason for putting up with so much shit throughout the year. He hasn't had this. (Not saying you have either, but I can see where he's coming from.

Serialweightwatcher · 28/08/2017 18:52

Cheeky sod - does he think it's been plain sailing for you having a baby and presumably looking after both children when he goes back to work - he needs to realise that he can't just relax when he feels like it, just like you can't Hmm

MammaTJ · 28/08/2017 18:52

I did take my DC to my mums earlier in the holidays, and DP has now taken them to his parents. This isn't particularly so we give each other a break though, more so the DC get away and get to see their GPs and we get to see our parents and someone is home to look after the animals.

It is nice to get a break though even though I am missing them.

Do make sure you ask him when he intend to take them away so you get a break too! Grin

ClemDanfango · 28/08/2017 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 18:53

He then said that his friends' partners take themselves and their kids to their parents' houses to give the Dads a "break!"

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Oh he so funny!! That's brilliant. Good effort mate.

Jux · 28/08/2017 18:53

Bolleaux! Mind you, dh did take a weekend away in a b&b by the sea when dd was 6m old - he was exhausted from working part time, not getting up for her in the night ever and sending me and dd out every afternoon rain or shine while he snoozed on the sofa. (And he knew my TMA for OU was due in that Monday as I'd asked him to take dd more that wekend so I could write it up properly; it's a wonder we aren't divorced!Grin)

LouHotel · 28/08/2017 18:54

I would say to do it as long as its reciprocated...and you go first :)

arethereanyleftatall · 28/08/2017 18:54

Actually I've just realised I did do this, but it was to give me help from my mum, rather than to give dh a break. I'd forgotten because of how it was presented.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/08/2017 18:55

Pity you forgot to partake of the obligatory 2 week post parturition bed confinement. Looks like you'll have to recoup this over the next 7 weekends. Wink

HateIsNotGood · 28/08/2017 18:55

Presumably DP will first be taking the DC to his DPs just to demonstrate what a THING this is, so you'll know just how to do it.

Gingernaut · 28/08/2017 18:57

His friends might do that, but no, it's not a 'thing'.

Chancer

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 28/08/2017 18:58

I used to do it. Tbh it was more to give me & DS a break from the complete wankbadger cuntpuffin than to give him a break, but same thing I guess.

Point out to your DH that the ones who do end up divorced.

cheminotte · 28/08/2017 18:58

Like pp I did go and stay with my mum for a few days midweek once DP had gone back to work, but for my benefit not his!

Clembarrass · 28/08/2017 19:00

Actually I did take my DC to my parents for a week this summer holidays. DH stayed behind and worked a 60+ hour week, so he had time to take them to his parents for a week later in the holidays, while I stayed behind and went to work.
Not so that either of us can have a break (and tbh, I would view it more that the one with the DC but off work is the one having the break really), more so the DC can see their grandparents, and unfortunately we don't have enough annual leave to both take much time off together.
I know plenty of people who live quite a distance from grandparents who do this regularly.

LuluJakey1 · 28/08/2017 19:01

Your DH is being unreasonable. Mine is a teacher as well. We've got a 32month old Ds and an almost 5 month old DD. We are both knackered. DH has just been to Yorkshire for 3 days with DS to see PIL- has come back early 'cos DS was a bit much for them. DD has been great until DH arrived home last night and has hardly slept since.
She is teething and had a poonami this morning . We have worn DS out this afternoon, he had a tantrum at tea-time because I closed the washing machine door and he wanted it left open while it was washing. Hmm He now has about 30 toys on the sitting room floor and is giving DH instructions. DH looks knackered.

We are hoping for an uninterrupted takeaway and a good night's sleep. That would be our idea of fun at the moment. Life with 2 small children.🙄

BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 19:03

We've got a 32month old Ds

Grin do you mean a 2.5 year old?

Mummaofboys · 28/08/2017 19:06

What! Give the Dad a break? I'd be breaking his neck if my husband said that!

Evelynismyspyname · 28/08/2017 19:07

I used to work with a male head of English at a secondary school who had a room at home as his study and admitted he found his kids too full on and shut himself in there "for a couple of hours" to read (novels, for recreation not work) "most days" at weekends and in the holidays when he needed "a break" from his toddlers - his wife was also a teacher (part time, home with the DC when not teaching and not a head of department) and he left her with the toddlers while he had his breaks at weekends and during holidays...

I asked if she had breaks in the study too and he said "well no, it's my study, she doesn't need one because she only works 2 days"...

The irony was utterly lost on him ... I have no idea whether they're still together...

PeaFaceMcgee · 28/08/2017 19:07

Ok, so there are some cultures where the mum, baby and young ones go off to female relatives to be looked after well for the first few weeks... But this is NOT primarily to give the DH a 'break'!!

Cheeky fucker.

Whosthemummynow · 28/08/2017 19:08

I don't believe your DH is being unreasonable, listen to what he is saying.

He needs a break.

How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot and you had point blank said you need a break?
Would you be happy with the response of you being a cheeky lazy bastard?

Cheerybigbottom · 28/08/2017 19:10

I know one family like this! She takes the three kids to her mums about 2 miles away and they will all stay the weekend to give the dad some 'peace and quiet'. I do think them very odd and never heard anyone else doing it.

Carriecakes80 · 28/08/2017 19:10

Its threads like this that make me appreciate my husband even more. No, this is not a thing, he's being a turd. When you're pregnant, that was his time off! You had to carry a child as well as parent three others, and thats bloody hard work!
I also have four kids, and my husband bless him takes the kids out every saturday and sunday so I can read a book and relax for a bit, and during the week, I settle the kids early so husband can enjoy some gaming time, we each try to make life easier for the other, that, to me, is how a partnership should work! Not him telling you and the kids to bugger off for a while while he relaxes!!
Maybe his mates wives who do this are just fed up with being married to utter twats who don't wanna do their fair share, which is why they 'give their other halves time to relax'.

Bollocks. They made the darned kids too, tell him he should have thought about this before he had his jollies! ;-) x

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