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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that this is NOT a thing!

116 replies

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 28/08/2017 18:24

DD was due early August and DP, who works in FE, was on his summer holidays since mid July and my mat leave started early July. During that time he was running around doing DIY and dealing with DS (3) whilst I got things ready for the newborn and rested.
Anyway, baby was born and DP was getting stressed with DS' behaviour in the playground and ranted that he'd be going back to work soon and he hadn't had a holiday and the weather was shit and other things..Hmm. (I was and am sleep deprived and doing the majority of stuff with newborn). He then said that his friends' partners take themselves and their kids to their parents' houses to give the Dads a "break!" And it's not unusual. I said that I wasn't going to my mum's with the DC so he gets to have a time out from being a parent. And none of my friends do this!

I don't think I was BU at all! But I'm interested to hear if anyone has heard of this or does this.

OP posts:
confused123456 · 28/08/2017 19:49

Rubbish. He should be helping and doing his fair share. My dh was working, but still helped with our ds. And on his days off, he would take him out for a walk so i had a bit of time to myself. But he'd never say I should have taken our ds out so he could have a break.

putdownyourphone · 28/08/2017 19:49

If anything he should be taking the kids to his mums to give you a break!

LonginesPrime · 28/08/2017 19:49

ranted that he'd be going back to work soon and he hadn't had a holiday

Erm, it's call parenthood...most of us feel like that round about now - I actually said the same to DD16 this morning.

The cheek of trying to get rid of you all!

LonginesPrime · 28/08/2017 19:49

*called

Holdbacktheriver · 28/08/2017 19:50

I have a couple of friends that have gone to stay at their mums house after having a baby because their partners are so useless and they need some help and rest... suppose the dp could well see it as them being given some peace.

Viviennemary · 28/08/2017 19:50

I've heard of people sending kids to grandparents to give them a break. Some practically live at the gps house. Nobody I know has done this. But I agree with taking turns half days to give each other a break.

desperatelyseekingcaffeine · 28/08/2017 19:52

I will do this sometimes (for a few hours not days at a time) but it's when he has work to do. On the flip side he's just taken the kids to his parents for a few days so I could get work done. It's fine IF it's a two way thing, not if it's only him demanding a break.

Ropsleybunny · 28/08/2017 19:52

Bloody hell, your DH is a cheeky fucker!

Whocansay · 28/08/2017 19:55

Well, there is something that's a 'thing'. And that 'thing' is that your DH is a lazy, unsupportive shit who wants you and his DC out of the way. Because he's selfish and his needs trump everyone else's.

Tell him to have a word with himself and grow the fuck up. He has responsibilities.

lemony7 · 28/08/2017 19:56

Ok so we do this. But only because my DM lives a 3hr drive away and DH doesn't do holidays. So it's the only chance I get a "holiday".

Honeybee79 · 28/08/2017 19:58

Not a thing. He needs to step up. Is he just grumpy because the new academic year is about to start, as my teacher DH is?

Congrats on your daughter.

ItsNachoCheese · 28/08/2017 20:03

32 month old?? 😂 i stopped counting the months when ds got to 12 as saying i have have a 13 & 3/4 month old ds a bit wanky 😂

Mittens1969 · 28/08/2017 20:03

I know one couple that did this, the mum went to her mum's with her toddler and newborn so's not to disturb her DH, because he apparently had too much on and wanted to get his sleep. I have to admit, I was very unimpressed.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/08/2017 20:06

My dd is almost 110 months old. What's the problem? Wink

Ledkr · 28/08/2017 20:10

I'd thank him for pointing out that some people are pricks but that you expect him not to be!

Italiangreyhound · 28/08/2017 20:12

This is not a thing I have heard of.

bandito · 28/08/2017 20:13

I agree with everyone - but for the sake of your relationship, perhaps you need to be kinder to each other, after all you are in it for the long haul and presumably care about each other. He seems to be feeling that he needs some time out - you probably feel the same way too - it is relentless. Perhaps you can take the children to a friend's for an afternoon and then he can take them out with one of his mates another time to give you a break. Both me and DH went a bit loopy at this stage - I remember feeling like stabbing him because I felt he had deliberately walked to a medical appointment rather than going in the car so that he got time alone.

Whiterabbitears · 28/08/2017 20:13

I did this but it was totally my choice and it wasn't to give DH a break, it was to help me! I totally understand why new mums wouldn't want to, its only because my mum has loads more space and doubled up on basic baby equipment.

I haven't heard of anyone else who has done this and it is not a thing. If you don't want to leave, understandably tell him to jog on Angry

Imaginosity · 28/08/2017 20:19

Me and DH help each other out and let the other one have a break by taking the children out - not necessarily to our parents' houses though. Having a break is important - obviously provided both sides get a break.

If having the children is such hard work for him that he needs a break then he should appreciate that you would also need a break from them.

AVY1 · 28/08/2017 20:24

Definitely not a thing. YANBU. Both myself and DH will occasionally take DD away for the weekend if there's something one of us needs to get on with so that we have the time and freedom to do it but not just so we can have a break.

MFR3 · 28/08/2017 20:32

Sounds like he has gotten an insight to what it's like to look after a toddler and he feels hard done by 🤣🤣

Hope your newborn is settling in well x

JessieMcJessie · 28/08/2017 20:32

Wow. Your new baby is less than a month old and your DP is moaning on about needing you to go away to give him a break?! It's sad that a man would actually want to be separated from his tiny new child so soon, and that he would see anything about such a joyous time when your family is newly expanded as being a chore. He should be trying extra hard to help your little DS come to terms with being a big brother and see this as an important time for him to step up as a father. I'm sorry he's such a twat OP.

FWIW not everyone even has the option of a family to go away to give their DH a break. Some parents are too old, too busy with their own lives, too far away or, in my own case, too dead.

Congratulations on your new baby OP.

diddl · 28/08/2017 20:32

A break from what?

Most dads would be delighted to be able to have so much time off when baby is firstborn I would have thought.

Original poster
LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 28/08/2017 20:40

He is not coming across very well. I have to say he is very hands on and is a great dad but DD (who's doing really well, thanks Smile) is only 3 weeks and already he's moaning!
I shall certainly suggest he takes DC to his parents while I have a break! Grin I'll wait 'til DD is a bit older!

OP posts:
Out2pasture · 28/08/2017 20:42

i'm a gran and I babysit a fair bit so that my dd and her dh can have a break or night out. from weeks of age. several of my friends same thing lots of grand child minding not for work reasons but so the couple can do couple stuff (or nap).