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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that this is NOT a thing!

116 replies

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 28/08/2017 18:24

DD was due early August and DP, who works in FE, was on his summer holidays since mid July and my mat leave started early July. During that time he was running around doing DIY and dealing with DS (3) whilst I got things ready for the newborn and rested.
Anyway, baby was born and DP was getting stressed with DS' behaviour in the playground and ranted that he'd be going back to work soon and he hadn't had a holiday and the weather was shit and other things..Hmm. (I was and am sleep deprived and doing the majority of stuff with newborn). He then said that his friends' partners take themselves and their kids to their parents' houses to give the Dads a "break!" And it's not unusual. I said that I wasn't going to my mum's with the DC so he gets to have a time out from being a parent. And none of my friends do this!

I don't think I was BU at all! But I'm interested to hear if anyone has heard of this or does this.

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 28/08/2017 19:10

A few mums in my NCT class decades ago had their mother to stay for a month after they gave birth and thought it was odd that when DH went back to work after one weeks leave that I just cracked on - going to the supermarket etc. This was in the time before paternity leave. However, I do know of one guy who used his paternity leave to go to South America for an adventure holiday ("for charity") - don't tell your DH about that!

zzzzz · 28/08/2017 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madamginger · 28/08/2017 19:17

It's a thing amongst some Asian cultures to do this but it's more because they are looked after by other female family members than to give dad a break.
I work with a lot of Pakistani men (in the NHS) and their wives quite often go back to their mum for a week or two after a new baby.

notafish · 28/08/2017 19:22

Not usual. Maybe some women visit their family when they have young children because they want to go or there is something in it for them and the children but not simply to 'give the dad a break' No - that is definitely not a thing.

DistractedByIrrelevance · 28/08/2017 19:23

I quite often take the DC to my parent's house for the day. But it's so DP can do the housework, not so he can have a break.

Ttbb · 28/08/2017 19:24

Never have I once heard of this. What makes him think that he's entitled to a break?

DragonsandDungeons · 28/08/2017 19:24

Cheeky bugger. No it's not a thing.

slartibartfastsfjords · 28/08/2017 19:26

Tell him he's balmost right, but its him that gets to spend some quality time with the DCs at his parent, not you. Tell himnits a kind thought, and offer to call his mum and set it up for him :-).

DeliciouslyHella · 28/08/2017 19:27

Nope, definitely not a thing.

We live round the corner from my parents and I quite often take the DDs there for a few hours and leave DH at home, meaning he can do work/some DIY/nap/do his hobbies/whatever. However, that's about my parents seeing their grandchildren and me seeing my parents - him getting a break is a pleasant bonus.

He in return takes DDs out and about and I get to stay at home. But again, that's about DDs having a nice time, not me having a break.

mogulfield · 28/08/2017 19:29

We leave our DS with our in laws, but then WE BOTH get a break. He's being ridiculous.

SilverLake · 28/08/2017 19:34

My DH took the kids away to stay with MIL for a few days. HTH 😀

Ummmmgogo · 28/08/2017 19:35

yes my dp complained constantly about his lack of breaks from me and the baby. We split up and now he gets loads of time without us 😂

MsWanaBanana · 28/08/2017 19:36

We've got a 32month old Ds
You mean an almost 3 year old toddler! 😂

Westworld · 28/08/2017 19:36

😂😂😂😂😂

domesticatedidiot · 28/08/2017 19:37

I had no idea working for Federal Express was so stressful! Men are wankers.

domesticatedidiot · 28/08/2017 19:39

Just threaten to leave him and the children. Make him realise this could happen, and to stop treating you like his belonging.

Primaryteach87 · 28/08/2017 19:39

I've done this. BUT so has my DH. It is not one sided and it certainly wasn't when we had a newborn!

UnicornQueen · 28/08/2017 19:40

Nope. 1 trillion nopes.
This is not a thing, it has never been a thing, nor will it ever become a thing.

But you might want to remind him that seeing the emergency psychiatric team IS a thing when a person (aka plonker) is found to be suffering from delusions.

Allthebestnamesareused · 28/08/2017 19:41

I did used to this when I was at home with my kids but only because my parents lived in the USA and we'd use my Tesco clubcard points for our flights off peak to get there!! DH would stay home and carry on going to work (weekends alone) but then we'd use his AL to go on our proper holiday.

gamerwidow · 28/08/2017 19:41

I do sometimes take my Dd to my mum's to give DH a break but
I only really do this now she's at school and I get quite a lot of time to myself whereas DH gets very little time to himself.
When she was little though it was very much all hands on deck.

Allthebestnamesareused · 28/08/2017 19:41

Meant to say definitely not a thing though!

SparklyUnicornPoo · 28/08/2017 19:45

I took my DC to stay with my mum when DD was a few weeks old and said it was to give DH a break.

It was actually because I really fucking hated him at the time and my mum had convinced me it was a good idea and totally a thing - not DH's fault but DD was a difficult baby, DS was acting up and I had PND although hadn't realised at the time and basically anything DH did or didn't do was making me fucking angry and mum was worried I would end up hurting someone, DH obviously knows now but most people in rl, including DS, think it was to let DH get some rest before going back to work.

UnicornQueen · 28/08/2017 19:45

@LuluJakey1 - did you honestly just say you have a 32 month old?! 😂😂😂
FYI - you are the sort of mum other mums laugh at 😂😉

BillywigSting · 28/08/2017 19:46

Not a thing.

I'm a sahm, dp works full time, mil and I have a somewhat frosty but reasonably cordial relationship. Dp occasionally takes ds to his mum's, for a number of reasons, primarily so ds and mil can have some time together but mil and I don't have to be in each other's company rubbing each other up the wrong way.

I sometimes take those few hours to read a book/ cook and eat something delicious/ go for a coffee alone etc.

I certainly don't take ds to my mum's so he can have a break. He complains he hardly ever sees him as it is.

In his own words 'why would I want a break from my own son when I only see him for a couple of hours a day and weekends?'

He often then goes on a bit of a rant about work getting in the way of life.

NoSquirrels · 28/08/2017 19:48

I think what is sometimes a "thing" is that a mother may decamp with DC to her parents because she's not getting much support at home from DC's father... e.g. DH particularly busy week at work, up early not back for bedtimes so a trip to DPs for extra hands and support for the mother of DC is good.

But not just so DH can have "a break".