To be frustrated by the misunderstanding of the honorific 'Ms' ?

[ChinkChink]

Inspired by another thread.

I've come across many people who believe that 'Ms' is the honorific for a divorced woman, rather than the female equivalent of 'Mr'. People including several employers, managers, supervisors etc, plus friends and family who I'd normally regard as clued up. And many of them women.

I do welcome the introduction of the term 'Mx' as a title to be used when gender is irrelevant [almost always!] but I fear that Mx will go the same way - people will interpret it as a title for someone who is [for example] transgender.

What say you, MN massive?

PinkFlamingo888
I never assume though but the people that say that they're a Ms are always defensive as they say it.
So EVERY SINGLE PERSON who describes themselves as Ms to you sounds defensive? More likely they sound defensive because they're desperate to get you off the phone.

Plus even if you keep your maiden name you technically are a Mrs.
No, you're really not.

Yes I do have a problem saying the word. That is literally what my post said.
Your post "literally" said a number of things so not literal at all.

What I dislike is giving information over the telephone when I am asked is that Mrs, Miss or Ms. I always say any of those and some just move on and others ask the same question again and get the same answer. Grrrr!

gillybeanz
female teachers are called Miss as a throwback to when they had to give up their position on marriage
HTH

Bollocks. I was at school between 1964 to 1977. Female teachers were Mrs Surname or Miss Surname. My son's teachers many years later were the same.

I just don't understand why we need titles at all??? Anyone asks me, I tell them I don't have one. What are they for still?

My first thought (on a subconscious level - not meaning to cause offence) when I hear Ms is that it's someone a bit insecure. I don't really understand why someone would not feel happy with Miss or Mrs (don't flame me please, I just mean that I can't imagine what it would feel like to want to use Ms).

Whilst I changed my name very happily when I married, I can understand that some women prefer not to - though I don't understand what's wrong with using 'Mrs Maidenname'. I'm quite traditional though and thought it was correct to use Mrs ExHusbandName after a divorce.

I get called Miss at the mens prison I work at, I'm 55 and it just sounds wrong, like a teacher of 5 year olds. I'd rather be called by my name.

I much prefer titles in certain environments, esp. dealing with DC teachers. It's a way to keep formal & appropriate distance.

I choose Ms. I'm over 16, so I don't thing Miss is appropriate any more than DP is Master, and I'm not married (and don't see why anyone needs to know anyway), so Mrs isn't right either.

Assume I'm divorced if you like, it's not like that matters. Or as if I don't already get looks since my and DP's kids (although 100% brothers) don't look alike at all, and one has DP's surname and one has mine. - doesn't matter a jot to me.

I don't even mind Mx - although at the moment it's really better as a written thing than pronounced.

I'm pretty easy going though it seems, as long as you don't start judging me on my marital status that is.

TeaChest Surely it's the other way around with regards to feeling secure. The Miss needs to advertise her single status and is keen not to appear married, the Mrs needs to advertise her married status and is keen not to appear single.

when I hear Ms is that it's someone a bit insecure. I don't really understand why someone would not feel happy with Miss or Mrs

You'll have to explain that for me . You think women who don't want to announce to the world if they are married or not, are insecure?

Sash "Interestingly most female surgeons tend to stick to Miss regardless of marital status"

That's because it's going to be a complete ballache getting it changed I bet.

I'm a member of a professional organisation, joined when I was at Uni, with the title 'Miss' - getting it changed to Ms has proven to be virtually impossible - change of name, change to Mrs - yep, they can manage that. Change of title? Who ever heard of such a thing!

@Teachest - I don't really understand why someone would not feel happy with Miss or Mrs

And I don't understand why someone feels the need to advertise their marital status. As ThymeLordIsSpartacus said, surely that is more suggestive of insecurity.

when I hear Ms is that it's someone a bit insecure. I don't really understand why someone would not feel happy with Miss or Mrs

Surely it's the complete opposite of that?

I don't really understand why someone would not feel happy with Miss or Mrs - because I think I'm a person in my own right and I don't need to inform everybody constantly whether I'm married or not. Most places that ask for my title really do not need to know.

I guess I think that because Miss or Mrs is (or until recently at least was) the convention anyone who wants something different must do so for a reason, they actively chosing something different. Maybe advertising one's marital status is a bit strange but it's what was normal when I grew up so it feels natural and it is the default.

Meh it's just a title. Does it really, really matter?

I always thought calling yourself Ms meant that your were a female not wanting to be defined by her marital status and used in the same way
as a man would use Mr.

@TeaChest100 - Ms has been in common use at least since the 70's. I have used Ms since I was a late teen in the very early 80's. It was very common amongst young women so I most definitely wasn't choosing something different. Less common mongst older women (40's/50's and above) but I did grow up in a small Irish town.

Unless you are very old, I'm a bit surprised that you didn't encounter it growing up.

I went to Ms when I divorced.
It seemed like the correct choice for me.
I am finding more drop down menus aren't offering the Ms option. Even tax credits have me down as Miss

I use Mrs and previously Miss and am/was totally 'meh' about ...inform [ing] everybody constantly whether I'm married or not. However I can imagine that if I were single and a bit insecure about it I might prefer Ms. Hence why I think I probably subconsciously expect someone a bit insecure.

I'm not trying to cause offence, the thread is about understanding the instinctive reaction of people to the title and given my life experience to date this is mine!

My first thought (on a subconscious level - not meaning to cause offence) when I hear Ms is that it's someone a bit insecure. I don't really understand why someone would not feel happy with Miss or Mrs (don't flame me please, I just mean that I can't imagine what it would feel like to want to use Ms).

Well you've managed to be offensive, so perhaps think a bit harder about it? Maybe read up about the history of women's rights, including how relatively recently (in terms of human history) a wife was to all intents and purposes her husband's possession. And then think a bit more. Particularly if you have daughters.

I don't really understand why someone would not feel happy with Miss or Mrs

It's not that difficult, surely?

This has caused offense? Seriously?

Sounds like you are a bit insecure. I have no concerns about being treated as our seen as my husband's possession hence it doesn't bother me.

Point proved.

Are you quite sure you understand what insecure means? You seem to enjoy the word a great deal.

However I can imagine that if I were single and a bit insecure about it I might prefer Ms - this sounds like you are assuming all people using Ms. are single and embarrassed to be?
I'm married. I just don't think my bank or sushi delivery needs this information to provide me the service. We don't need dad's/husband's approval any more. And they are certainly not asking my husband if he's married before he can sign up to a mailing list.

Just to add I only went to Ms as I was told that's the title divorced people have.
I couldn't care less if I was Ms Mr or princess I just wanted my maiden name back!