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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be frustrated by the misunderstanding of the honorific 'Ms' ?

662 replies

ChinkChink · 28/08/2017 11:06

Inspired by another thread.

I've come across many people who believe that 'Ms' is the honorific for a divorced woman, rather than the female equivalent of 'Mr'. People including several employers, managers, supervisors etc, plus friends and family who I'd normally regard as clued up. And many of them women. Confused

I do welcome the introduction of the term 'Mx' as a title to be used when gender is irrelevant [almost always!] but I fear that Mx will go the same way - people will interpret it as a title for someone who is [for example] transgender.

What say you, MN massive?

OP posts:
Copperbeech33 · 29/08/2017 21:47

I am a Miss, I hate anyone mistaking me for a Ms

JassyRadlett · 29/08/2017 21:47

Fine. If it's short for mistress then let's pronounce it "mistress", but Ms is very much not a proper word. Unless we should start saying "mrr" for Mr etc. which would be silly.

Are you doing likewise (pronounce it 'mistress') for Mrs, which is a much sillier abbreviation than Ms, given the spelling bears scant relation to the pronunciation even for non-rhotic accents?

Scrumpington · 29/08/2017 21:49

'I sympathise with the issue.'

But not enough to think Ms is a sensible option.

Right-io patronising chappo.

ThymeLordIsSpartacus · 29/08/2017 21:54

I hate anyone mistaking for a Ms

😂 classic

BoysofMelody · 29/08/2017 21:57

Yes they do. Men can call themselves Miss, Mrs or Ms if they want to, it's perfectly legal

I go for Wing Commander, but that's only in the bedroom Wink

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 29/08/2017 21:58

I am a Miss, I hate anyone mistaking me for a Ms

How is it possible to be "mistaken for a Ms"?

JassyRadlett · 29/08/2017 22:05

How is it possible to be "mistaken for a Ms"?

I guess if you feel it is vital that (mainly) strangers know your marital status, and that you want to be known as someone who thinks that is important (rather than just preferring a Miss or Mrs title), it would be possible?

Sn0tnose · 29/08/2017 22:10

Bashun are you directing your question to me?

li1972 · 29/08/2017 22:31

Just to throw a spanner in, I'm Miss, in my forties, partner and child, and intend to remain Miss after we tie the knot! Its my choice you see, and surely that choice is what its all about? That's when I have to use a title at all of course and I'd much rather not. First name and surname would do me!

gillybeanz · 29/08/2017 22:33

It's so bloody confusing and after reading the comments about females using Mr a lot of questios have been answered Grin
I work in a call centre and have to use a title if there is one on my job sheet.
I thought it was a mistake when I read Mr Ethel Smith, so asked for Mrs by default because of the forename and got a rant from a silly woman about presuming she was a Mrs, did the same thing and used Miss and got the same.
It makes my job hard, use what you want but stop confusing me with the Mr title.

ChristinaParsons · 29/08/2017 22:42

I was a miss when I was a child when I became an adult I became a ms. Just like men are master until they become an adult then they become a mr. Marital status is irrelevant

ChristinaParsons · 29/08/2017 22:44

A friend of mine avoided lots of confusion by buying an acre of land in Scotland when she married and became a lady!

Maireadplastic · 29/08/2017 23:07

'got a rant from a silly woman', gillybeanz??

Thanks sister.

howrudeforme · 29/08/2017 23:08

I find titles confusing. I didn't change my surname at marriage so I was referred to as mrs how rude of me at work (all bank cards etc remained ms).

My dm didn't revert back to her birth surname after her divorce so 25 years on she still refers to herself as mrs how rude of me. Df remarried and dw is mrs how rude of me. That's 3 of us.

I'm separated and now revert back to ms.

Ds has his df surname and people often refer to me as mrs that surname my ds has but I don't have. I don't really care and have given up correcting.

Prefer the default to be ms.

OutToGetYou · 29/08/2017 23:10

Gillybeanz - if she/they or anyone wants to be called Mr, or anything the hell they like, who are you to go round changing it? Call them what it says on the form and don't assume people's preferences or their gender from their names. And don't then refer to your customers as "silly woman" for wanting their preferences respected.

Maybe you should ask for some more training?

Copperbeech33 · 29/08/2017 23:11

I will never answer to Ms, or accept mail addressed to Ms, or wear a name badge labelled Ms.

My name is Miss.

hippyhippyshake · 29/08/2017 23:16

Is that MIss Miss or Mrs Miss?

simiisme · 29/08/2017 23:36

I always thought 'Ms' meant that the woman concerned wanted to keep her marital status to herself. And why shouldn't she?
My Mum used to think it was used by lesbians.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 29/08/2017 23:41

A friend of mine avoided lots of confusion by buying an acre of land in Scotland when she married and became a lady!

No she didn't.

I will never answer to Ms, or accept mail addressed to Ms, or wear a name badge labelled Ms

My name is Miss

I doubt that very much. Your preferred pointless title is Miss. What you think "Miss" means? I'm married - I alternate between Miss and Ms.


dubmumof2 · 30/08/2017 00:08

Surprised and saddened that what I have always considered the lovely marriage neutral "Ms" has been adjudged to refer to either divorcees or lesbian radical feminists......at 18 I moved from Miss X to Ms X and like my husband have retained that name since....it all seemed so straightforward.

Have never encountered any difficulty with my name or the use of Ms and, to be honest, I don't think anyone of my generation (mid 40's) thinks it means anything other than "it's nobody's business whether I'm married or not".

I have noticed a movement among those younger than me to excitedly adopt Mrs. and their husband's name believing that it confers some sort of status on them, which again surprises and saddens me...
I am in Ireland though which may not be representative?

gillybeanz · 30/08/2017 00:13

She was a silly cow because she only ranted after I had said it stated Mr and I presumed it was a mistake.
Half the addresses are wrong too.
I can't see why anyone would get so upset by a title.
She stated she clearly wasn't a Mr and I don't have time to go through them all.
I don't get paid enough to give a stuff tbh Grin

Oraiste · 30/08/2017 00:40

Dubmumof2, I am also in Ireland and mid forties and work is fine where I am Ms Oraiste. However, I have come across people of our age who are horrified I don't use Mrs Married name. I've been told it's illegal, that it's offensive to my husband, people will think I'm a militant feminist (why, thank you :) and my DS will be confused.

However, whilst these comments were from no one of any importance, the worst was from the Registrar who, despite me explaining that I use my maiden name and could see my marriage cert, could not understand why I wouldn't use my married name on DS's birth certificate. When I asked her why I should she said it would show I was married. She seemed puzzled when I said it was OK I'd make sure I'd carry my marriage cert around for the morality police.

Mintybuttons · 30/08/2017 00:49

We should all be able to use whatever prefix we choose. What irritates me is when, particularly at work, the default becomes Ms even when I have stated clearly that I am a Mrs, simply because I prefer it.

grandOlejukeofYork · 30/08/2017 00:52

I will never answer to Ms, or accept mail addressed to Ms, or wear a name badge labelled Ms

Well then you are very rude and rather foolish. And for what? Because you feel some need to announce something to people?

dinahmorris · 30/08/2017 01:14

When people are outraged by being called Ms when they haven't specified a title (for example in an email) I get mildly bemused then forget about it.

I tend to put Ms on forms but I started my career as a Miss and haven't bothered changing it at work. I do occasionally use Mrs when making complaints - depressingly I seem to get taken more seriously that way.