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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD denying everything WWYD?

86 replies

tigercub50 · 27/08/2017 08:42

We have a real problem with DD doing something right in front of us then when she's asked to stop, she flatly denies whatever it was. We try to ignore a lot of " bad" behaviour but I find this difficult because she's not listening, just denying. I have to really fight to stop myself saying " For goodness sake, we just saw/heard you do it"! Any advice?

OP posts:
gassylady · 27/08/2017 08:44

Why don't you just say that. If you saw her you saw her! The blatant lying just makes whatever it was worse

MoHunter · 27/08/2017 08:45

How old is she and what sort of behaviour?
I probably would say we saw you do it, not sure why you feel you need to stop yourself from saying this...?

Deliaskis · 27/08/2017 08:47

I would try and make the reprimand for the initial behaviour gentle, but the reprimand for lying much more severe. So she lands that lying is an additional bad behaviour that is as serious or often worse than the initial behaviour.

stella23 · 27/08/2017 08:49

I have to really fight to stop myself saying " For goodness sake, we just saw/heard you do it"! Any advice?
Why? I really don't understand. Don't accept her lying when clearly you know she is.
Mine get in quite a lot of trouble for lying

Cherrytart6 · 27/08/2017 08:50

Say you saw her do it. Also explain it takes more courage to be honest and own up. You're never cross if she's honest and lying is the easy way but long term means you can't trust what she says. And that honesty and courage is important to you. That you behave honestly and trustworthy. They make sure that you own up to any of your mistakes.

MrsOverTheRoad · 27/08/2017 09:03

Why do you have to stop yourself saying you just saw her? Confused

NC4now · 27/08/2017 09:04

Tell her you saw her!

DermotOLogical · 27/08/2017 09:05

Tell her and reprimand her....?!

LindyHemming · 27/08/2017 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mikado1 · 27/08/2017 09:06

Age is important! Other than that why are you fighting yourself saying something completely reasonable? Hmm

Original poster
tigercub50 · 27/08/2017 09:06

Because I tend to escalate things by saying it & even lose my temper because it happens so often

OP posts:
HeteronormativeHaybales · 27/08/2017 09:07

How old is she?

This (unless she's a teen) is childish magical thinking - in saying something she wants to make it so.

I wouldn't make a huge heavy moral issue about 'lying', I would just calmly say 'You did do X, dd, we saw it. I know you want not to have done it because we don't like it, but you did.' Then apply whatever consequence the behaviour warrants.

Original poster
tigercub50 · 27/08/2017 09:07

DD is 8 (9 in December)

OP posts:
Cantspell2 · 27/08/2017 09:08

Why are you trying to ignore her bad behaviour?
If she is behaving in a way that is not acceptable then surely you pull her up on it each and every time until she realises she won't get away with it.

pudcat · 27/08/2017 09:08

How old is she and what sort of things is she doing?

IDoDaChaCha · 27/08/2017 09:08

Calmly explain that you don't approve of whatever she was doing and that lying makes it worse. Then send her to her room. Don't engage in arguments. You're the adult, she's the child.

Helenluvsrob · 27/08/2017 09:09

Is she 3 and picking her nose, or 15 and carving her initials into the dining room table?

Big difference between the two...

WellErrr · 27/08/2017 09:09

Lying is absolutely not tolerated in our house and there are massive covsequences for it.

Don't ignore it!!

Ktown · 27/08/2017 09:09

My 5 year old does this and when I pull her up on it she cries a lot. I cuddle her and explain lying is wrong because it confuses people and you lose their trust, and it is over.
It happens less and less.
Occasionally I yell a bit just to ensure she remembers.
It isn't a big deal and it is just something you have to do.

defineme · 27/08/2017 09:10

How old is she? When they were younger i would defuse this sort of situation with a jokey 'what's that smoke, oh dear your pants are on fire' and move on swiftly, it's totally normal for kids to lie and i hated it when friends got holier than thou with their kids over it.
If older then i would probably just ask them how daft/blind do they think i am?

honeysucklejasmine · 27/08/2017 09:10

Eh? If you see her do it, point that out and punish her for lying.

SoPassRemarkable · 27/08/2017 09:10

Maybe she's lying because you lose your temper and she's scared?

DermotOLogical · 27/08/2017 09:11

How can you ignore this? Sounds like your dd has serious boundary issues, stemming from you not parenting her properly. (by you I mean you and another adult in the house if there is one).

You need a clear strategy of sanctions every time she misbehaves or lies. At the moment she is getting off Scott free.

Hassled · 27/08/2017 09:13

When you're both calm, have a chat with her - I always told my DCs that no matter what they did, lying about it was always worse than the thing they'd done. I could cope with bad behaviour, but I couldn't cope with lying. It sort of worked (although teenage DS3 lied through his teeth to me about something yesterday so maybe not).

Whatsername17 · 27/08/2017 09:14

You say 'I saw you do it dd, now please....insert whatever she needs to do to correct her behaviour'. If she protests, stay calm and say 'this is not a negotiation, do not make things worse by lying. It takes more guts to admit what you did and say sorry mummy, which you know is the right thing to do.' Issue a consequence for continued lying, But, if she says sorry, no matter how begrudgingly, praise And, hug her and drop it.