To contact sister even though mam wants nc *trigger warnings,abuse*

[ByeBrow]

My sister is 15 and an amazing aunty to my .

We are half sisters , same dad . Her mam and her side of the family do everything they can to make sure I can't contact her . We're back in contact now after not speaking since Christmas and only because she's kept it secret that she's messaging me.

My heart breaks for her , she's been through so much and sexually abused from a very young age up until she was about 14. Last year police got involved and despite evidence, the case was dropped because she didn't feel able to talk about it as the family are telling her she's splitting everyone up and they don't believe her. I'm supposed to be nc with her because they don't like the fact I was helping her through this mess. They've even made her move schools as the last school were trying to help .

Now she feels able to go to the police , I'd say she was in a bit of a mental health crisis last year , falling out with her mam about it , suicidal , running away at very early hours of the morning in shorts during winter . Now police are not involved and social services have also dropped the case , she's seen him a few times and he contacts her to see what she's up to , he hasn't done anything appropriate but she feels like he's stalking her online so I've helped her make sure everything is as private as possible and he's blocked but he's still managed to find her in the local paper online and things about her representing the area in her hobbies ... he lives 26 miles away so very odd that he's searching all this and congratulating her.

I want to help her but I don't know how I can, I'm supposed to be nc and it's very stressful with me being heavily pregnant . Last time she went to the police , she was teased by her family and even beaten up by our teenage brother . Social services are useless , camhs wouldn't help . She has been self harming since primary school and before that doing what i would call self harm as a toddler . I'm worried now she's back in contact with him that her self harm is going to spiral out of control again , there's nothing to say he can't see her . She's had no counselling or support what so ever and to me it seems like she has ptsd.

I posted on aibu because I'm desperate to help her asap.

Thank you x

She can just call up and book an appointment. She doesn't need to ask or even know about the gillick test the doctor will just consider whether she comes across as competent. how would her mam find out and why does she have such an issue with you

Because her mam and the family can stand the fact I'm helping . They don't want their dirty little secret out there. The way they treat her about this all is disgusting and social services don't wanna know

If the gp or counciling needs parents consent is there no way she could tell them to ask you as a guardian because it's a family issue that it's for. Surely if it was a child having problems with one of their parents and they needed help with it they wouldn't then tell the parents about it.. If they would then that's just awful. Would she be able to get to your house and lay low if her mum did come round to get her she could be hidden and you don't let her into the house and tell her she's not there or don't answer the door just so you know she's there with you and not alone with her thoughts. It's horrible what you're both going through and I hope someone listens to her soon and she gets the help she needs and he horrible b**tard who made her feel this way gets whats coming to him

Thank you x poor girl can't even sleep now, the way he used his child to pass on a message to dsis, using a code word is disgusting.

She's going to call the gp tomorrow,what ever the outcome is, she's going to have to face it and ignore family, hopefully her mam won't reject any help dsis does get . She seriously needs help. The gp referred her to camhs before, maybe because school and social services was involved but didn't actually see dsis so they must know something.

I'm sure the GP will be able to use their discretion as to whether they call your mum. She's 15 so her views will be taken into consideration. Hopefully she will be completely honest about how bad it's been for her so that she can get appropriate help.

Has she called the Rape Crisis helpline? They definitely won't call your mum, and they will be able to advise her of her options. I'm sure it must be possible to show the text messages to the police if she does go through with reporting the abuse.

No, she hasn't called the helpline yet. She hasn't had a moment where she's alone to call. I've told her to go for a walk or something then she doesn't have to worry about family listening in.

There is an age at which the GP won't contact the parents, it has caused no end of complaints when GPs have prescribed the mini pill.

but the GP has to make a decision as to whether you Dsis is Gillick competent.

Other options for her to contact would be the samaritans, childline or possibly women's aid.

none of the above should leave a trail that could get her into trouble.

I do wonder if your DSis tells her mum some of it herself. She seems to be very attached to her and wants her approval.

She's changed her mind about the gp, too worried her mam will find out . She has tried telling her mam that she feels really low , she's still self harming and she thinks she's getting panic attacks but her mam told her to stop attention seeking before she gives her something to cry about

She's tried samaritans , actually got through to them and then freaked out when a man answered

Over 12 you are classed as having full faculties to decide if your parents are told when you go to the gp, or if another guardian is told

That's how I understand it. I know that children in care play a full part in their reviews and their opinions are taken into account. That's why I wondered whether the OP's DSis had told her mum herself as she's very conflicted in her feelings about her

She's given up on going to the gp and getting help, she had an argument with her mam, not sure what about . She said she's just giving up

I think your sister is clearly in crisis. You should pick her up and take her to the police and let her report this guy for harassing her

Your poor sister. Can you kit ring the GP on her behalf and ask them to ring her ?

I don't know what gp she's at, what school she's at and she's refusing to go so I can't make physically make her.

Well, ultimately, it's your call. If you believe she is a danger to herself, or that this due or her mam is a danger to her, you have the option of calling social services, giving them her name and address, and details of your concerns.
This is always your option to safeguard her.
Always will be.
It does run risks of alienating her, as she (and her mam, and whole family) are likely to know you made the report by basic deduction.

The ball is in your court.