Is my brother being unreasonable by not collecting his daughter

[Sophia23x]

I don't think he is. Basically my brother works 7 days a week and has a one year old daughter about 250 miles away who he sees for a week every month (he has her down here) as he is working, I went down to collect my niece from her mum about a week ago for the usual week up here. Her mum was very polite when I collected her, no issues.

So my brother gets in to an argument with his daughters mother over text, she started accusing my brother of having the daughter around women and not caring for her properly which was of course not true. I was there the whole time as I was caring for my niece whilst he was working. She then demanded the return of her daughter and my brother told her if she wanted her home 5 days early she would have to collect her herself.

Then my brother gets a phone call from work saying someone had accused him of kidnap by leaving a voicemail on the work phone. She told him this was her and she had also called the police but decided not to proceed further with the call to the police (probably because she didn't want to get done for wasting police time) my brothers work took this seriously and called him in for a meeting about the allegation. He was understandably very upset (I've checked the texts and he has done no wrong, he tries to ignore her but she doesn't let it be, she is insane I'm sure) he then tells me to drop his daughter back to his mum because he's fed up of the drama and allegations.

I dropped her back at her house (bloody 5 hour drive) she tried inviting me in to "talk" I said no and that I just wanted to get home and I was not in the mood after what she accused my brother of when it did not happen, she then apologised and kept insisting I talk to her. I said no and she said whatever and went back in.

She didn't contact anyone for a few days then today my brother has demands for him to pick up their daughter because she needs "space" and "time to sort her head out" calling him all sorts of names telling him he never takes responsibility for his daughter etc

He has told her if she needs some space she will need to bring their daughter up herself because he is not collecting her due to the past allegation of kidnap

Is this unreasonable? She seems to think it is and is now causing all sorts of trouble. She thinks the world revolves around her.

your brother needs to take it to court to get it all officially rubber stamped.

This woman is clearly struggling and wanted to talk to you. I can understand you aren't getting involved but you kind of already are by being the face of her brother at these handovers. She is clearly asking for help, she is the Mother of his child and the Mother of your niece. I say help her.

I would say he sounds very reasonable. The fact he is happy to have his daughter back so quickly, after her stunt, shows he cares.

What's to stop her turning around when he arrives to say that the daughter isn't allowed to come with him?

Yes, mother should drop her off.

Wait so he has his daughter for a week, but works every single day?

When does he see her?

What would he do if you were not around to look after his daughter for a whole week every month?

How long would this even be able to go on? Surely she wouldn't be able to do this once she starts school?

Why do they live 250 miles apart??

Can't he consider moving to be closer to his daughter?

She sounds deluded unstable and bloody hard work! No your brother is not BU.
If I was him is go to court to have all arrangement made formally so she can never involve police etc again.
She's be first I'm sure to throw a hairy fit if he was sacked and could not afford to pay maintanece even if it was her false allegations that caused him to loose his job!
I do feel sorry for his daughter tho!

Just to add
I have helped this women several times. At Christmas my niece came to stay with us for a week and my brother was getting text accusing him of SEXUAL assault on his daughter and an accusation of raping her (the mother) all of which she admitted where said just to get at him during further texts. My brother doesn't even do anything to warrant this kind of abuse, he says very little if anything at all to her.

Is he in the forces?

Why is he not going for custody???

No he is an athlete, he is often away from the country too.

I work in a school so I've had the summer holidays off to look after her, usually she would be in nursery.

She was living down here (she was at uni here) when they where in a relationship but moved back to her family when it ended.

How could he go for custody if he works all the time ? He's not really seeing her when she does come down.

He works 7 days a week but for short periods each day. So for example he will only work for one hour in the morning and 2 in the evening. The rest of the day he spends with her.

That sounds very rough on you, OP, this needs to be taken to court so that it can be agreed formally and properly agreed. It's really not fair on you to have to be so involved. For your DN's sake, and yours too, this needs to be set in stone, with your DB having agreed contact.

He could make the drive and punch her up then. You seem to be doing a lot.

I am hoping he has kept the sexual assault texts and the subsequent admissions that they were lies, just in case this happens again!

You brother is not being unreasonable in going to get her in these circumstances.

I agree about court for official access. It makes sense.

He could sue her for libel. It's pretty clear cut. I'm not sure if it's still the case but a while back she could have been put in prison over this kind of thing.

These contact arrangements do not sound appropriate or appear to take into account the needs of a 1 year old. Which parent moved away?

If he isn't in the forces he needs to see her more than once a month for a week at a time then. Eow and 1 night after school is usually standard.

He needs to go to court and get an order that is the best interests of his child. Everything else is an arguement or ussue between the parent. It is not in the best interests of the 1 year old to not see her primary care giver for 1 week out of every month.

What court order can he seek if he lives 250 miles away and works 7 days a week?

I wouldn't have let a 1 year old go away for a week.

@kittybiscuits well that's irrelevant since the mother did several times,and is asking him to have her again.

OP does your brother do any of the pickups/drop offs?

Eow and 1 night after school is usually standard

Standard, but possibly not practical if they live 250 miles apart.

I'd advise him to go to court to get access formally agreed, including who should do the picking up / dropping off. And keep all records/texts of accusations and retractions.

The poor child isn't going to know if she's coming or going? That's a lot of travelling for a little person also. What happens when she starts school?

The mother sounds like she's struggling. If she's given up Uni, moved back home. Her life has changed dramatically.

I just feel sorry for the poor baby in all this! She won't know what is going on,one week a month is too long a time apart for a little one she won't be bonding with her dad properly and will feel scared and bewildered by being yanked from her home life for a whole week at a time with people she isn't closely bonded with. Especially with sometimes being at nursery sometimes with you OP,5 days a week nursery in a strange place is a lot for the poor baby to cope with let alone the rest of the changes she has to cope with there surely must be a better solution for her?! Doesn't he get ANY time off???

Plus a 5 hour drive is a LOT for a little one never mind several of them in 2/3 days I really feel sorry for the little one now