People who think catcalling is flattering

[CumberlandSausage]

I know some people, both men and women, who think it's flattering when people in vans or workmen catcall. That women should 'take it as compliment'.

I am completely floored by this because I feel completely mortified and worthless when it happens, and full of rage!

AIBU to think that these people who think it's flattering need their heads checked?

does any one actually catcall ? I have not heard it for years

Worthless?
Mortified?
Full of rage?

I understand being pissed off and other emotions but yours sound a bit extreme.

And who says take it as a compliment?

Back in the day when it used to happen to me, before I was fat with 2 children, I didn't take it as a compliment but also didn't really care.

Yes people do still catcall, I see it all the time in London.

I just think they are so entitled to think that it's okay to shout at women like that.

You're quite right to feel as you do IMO, as I believe that is the general aim of the men who do it.

I'm middle-aged and rather stout, and very rarely dress up. There's no way passing blokes would be catcalling me because they think I'm attractive; indeed, sometimes they call me rude names in exactly the same tone of voice, so it's definitely not flattery. Those women who like it should perhaps be aware that it's not a lot to do with attractiveness and more to do with objectivising women who have the nerve to go around in public being female. Anyway, why should I be in the least bit interested in a random stranger's opinion of my looks/theoretical shaggability? Had I, for some rare occasion, actually bothered to try to look nice it wouldn't be for them. Smiling, saying good morning, that's fine, that's sociable, but "phwoar" is not a polite greeting in my book.

Bottom line is, women are people, not exhibits.

I hate it! It happened to me recently and I am very clearly heavily pregnant and was with my toddler. Fills me with rage but I just completely blank them.

On a better note I tripped over today and a very nice lady and half the builders from a nearby building site ran over to check I was ok.

Personally, I don't do it, but that's only because it's not my style.
I don't see why it's insulting though. It might be a little outdated in this shitty modern society we live in where saying "oh wow you look really gorgeous this morning, love what you've done with your hair and that dress really looks spectacular on you" but where's the actual harm?

It might be a crap way to go about it but it's just a holy shit you are hot as hot can get kinda thing. Why be pissed about it?

Obviously I'll be flamed, I don't care.

No it annoys me I always tell them to fuck off.

When I was a teen I used to get whistled at a lot, even in my school uniform, so I started to whistle at men first, then when they turned round I used to say 'no no not you, not you mate' my little bit of revenge .

I don't feel offended by it, only had it twice and the first time it made me quietly pleased! (Don't kill me). The second time I was really paranoid that it was done sarcastically because I looked a bit rough that day so I just felt embarrassed & unsure.

I just ignore and carry on, they get nothing out if it if you don't react

@FallingOrbit I'm talking more about when women get shouted at in the street by someone they don't know. For me, the crux of it is what @anniegetyourgun says; women are people not exhibits to be shouted at!

I understand that some people just might not be offended though. You can't really alter how you feel about things.

Not reacting does seem to be the best policy!

I think a certain type of person doesn't think it's bad/thinks it's flattering.

These are not the people I chose to spend any sort of time or effort on.

It happens to me a lot and I don't like it but the only time I get the rage is when I'm with DS (got called "MILFy" the other day, yuck. I got victim blamed the other day by a work colleague and I was fuming, she said I should wear different clothing. I was wearing a light jumper and skinny jeans, not an ounce of flesh on sight!

The women who I find tend to enjoy it are those with low self esteem, it makes them feel desired.

Um FallingOrbit, that's not catcalling.

Catcalling is something like "I want to fuck you" (random man in supermarket queue), "Show us your tits" (random man in van), or the charming "I'm going to fuck your arse till you break in half" (random man in street). All completely unprompted, and shouted at me in the past year while I was with my baby son, ie not in a position to start any slanging matches with them in case they got violent. I told one guy to fuck off when I was pregnant, after he shouted he wanted to come on my tits, and he chased after me. Not worth the risk.

Not hugely complimentary, IMO.

Oops I probably got the wrong idea too then because I got more like a whistle and a 'well hellooo'. Anything as rude as what you described Sash I would think wtf is he doing!

It's always kinda depressed me that I'm not pretty enough to BE catcalled! Never had it done to me, and never witnessed it occur either.

i dont mind being catcalled, but thats probably because i dont overthink it.

it would probably annoy me more if i paid more attention to it, but alas i dont feel its a huge issue.

also can i say by catcalled i mean strictly a smile or wave, or a little "hello". ive never had anything vulgar like "show me your tits"

that would probably piss me off to the point of telling them to fuck off

Eurgh I agree with you OP. My worst one was when I was heavily pregnant wearing a maxi skirt with a slit up the side because it was fricking summer and a fat sweaty 50yo man sidled up alongside me and said "Hey baby you got some sexy legs" literally still haunts and disgusts me to this day.

Ps am I the only one who instinctively puts her head down and walks faster or pretends to be on the phone whilst walking past a group of men?

I responded with a "fuck off" to a vulgar cat call. The return response was that he hoped I got raped by a spike.
So that was nice.

Being smiled at is completely different to being catcalled. I passed a couple of men the other day and one said "you look really nice in red, I just wanted to tell you that" I actually thought that was a nice compliment. Sexual comments or being made to feel intimidated are not acceptable.

The last time it happened to me I was 9 months pregnant, it was most odd. I'm not particularly attractive either (even when not pregnant) so I'm assuming those particular men do it to every woman they see...

I think the issue is is mixing up cat calling and the manner in what it's done and a normal compliment,
For eg.
Nice and normal
Man approaches you says "just wanted to let you know you look fab today" all good. Even trying to chat to me or ask my number is fine (so long as if asked to do so you back away).

Cat calling (demeaning and disrespectful)
Man driving past in a van, honks his horn, shouts "nice tits" while making a sexual gesture.
This I find embarrassing, demeaning and disrespectful.

I've been cat called many times with the first being when I was about 9 - do bare in mind I was a late developer, chubby, short and not at all "mature" looking (I didn't even reach 4ft until high school I was very small) which is another issue altogether but the thing is is most of my female friends also experienced comments starting from 9-10 years old

Sometimes it just annoys me, other times it's made me want to cover up (and I think this is the aim with some men tbh) just to avoid the comments, sometimes it embarrasses me... sometimes I've felt genuinely fearful for my life. Might sound ridiculous but when you're walking home from work (at 16) at 9:30pm and it's dark and a van with a few men in it pulls up and slowly "creeps" next to you (on the road while I was on the pavement) and beeps at you while shouting and jeering some pretty horrible sexual language it can make you feel very vulnerable and frightened.

It's not taken at all seriously and yes seen as desirable.

It's sad that some women are greatful that middle aged Dave in a white van thinks they have blowjob lips or a fuckable arse or some such and thinks it so important to stop/slow down/beep and tell them while said owner of blowjob lips is trying to enjoy their commute or jog....

Dp makes stupid whistling sounds at me when I am ready for a night out, I find that annoying! Anyone who does it to me when I'm actually on the night gets a withering stare
Actually, so does dp