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Original poster

People who think catcalling is flattering

89 replies

CumberlandSausage · 25/08/2017 19:45

I know some people, both men and women, who think it's flattering when people in vans or workmen catcall. That women should 'take it as compliment'.

I am completely floored by this because I feel completely mortified and worthless when it happens, and full of rage!

AIBU to think that these people who think it's flattering need their heads checked?

OP posts:
TinyTeaPig · 25/08/2017 21:47

When I was at uni my three flatmates used to tell me about getting cat called all the time walking to uni. It never happened to me. To my shame I was very jealous of them.

mctat · 25/08/2017 21:48

'it's not a lot to do with attractiveness and more to do with objectivising women'.

Completely. It's an aggression. Note all the pregnant women, mothers and young teenage children targeted just in this thread, and there've been whole threads full of comments from mothers of very young tween and teen girls who were made subject to this behaviour. Absolutely disgusting.

Papafran · 25/08/2017 21:56

Catcalling is something like "I want to fuck you"

Um, Sashkin, the dictionary defines it as a shrill whistle or shout. It's basically wolf whistling- not guys saying they want to fuck you.

Lauralou69 · 25/08/2017 21:57

The women who don't mind are either too dumb to see it for what it is or don't care how these things affect other women....or are so insecure that a stranger shouting stuff at them will boost their ego. I used to get it a lot when I was younger (48 and invisable now) and I always hated it because it is very threatening that random men think it is appropriate to objectify a woman for their own purpose. Lots of women still face harrassment and unwanted attention from idiotic men all the time and it is unnacceptable.

Papafran · 25/08/2017 21:58

Sorry, sorry Sashkin, I misunderstood because in my sleep deprived state I didn't read the message you were responding to. Ignore my message.

nocoolnamesleft · 25/08/2017 23:01

It's an aggressive, demeaning, objectifying action.

gamerwidow · 25/08/2017 23:10

Cat calling is not the same as a man paying you a compliment.
Catcalling is intimidation its not flattering. Women who find it flattering have low self esteem. Why would someone shouting 'nice tits' at you brighten your day, it's vile.
Fwiw it's worth I've been both cat called and had random men tell me I've got a lovely smile or look really nice in my outfit (not so much now I'm in my 40s). The cat calling is always humiliating but i accept the compliments in good grace and say thanks .

gamerwidow · 25/08/2017 23:12

Also I hate being whistled at too, I'm not Lassie!

Ttbb · 25/08/2017 23:24

My standard response to these things is-didn't your mother ever tell you that it is rude to comment on a stranger's appearance. Shuts 'em right up!

spankhurst · 25/08/2017 23:28

I found it disconcerting, not flattering, when I was young, and would find it even more so now. I've never had anyone say anything really offensive, though. Some of the comments mentioned on here are horrendous!

Sashkin · 25/08/2017 23:40

A load of men will probably pop up now saying they've never witnessed anything like that.

My husband used to think he'd never witnessed it either, but then I came home upset one time too many, and he decided he'd pay attention and see if he noticed it more if he was actually looking for it. And he was horrified! And really angry that there were loads of these creeps hissing foul stuff at women when they thought nobody else could hear.

He's not a physically intimidating guy, so he's started just making eye contact, tutting and shaking his head at guys when he sees them doing it. He says most guys look guilty and scuttle away when they know they've been caught, which suggests they know damn well it's not a compliment. Nobody's squared up to him or anything yet.

We do live in Brixton, and there are a lot of weirdos on the streets round here so it's probably worse than in naicer areas. It was far less frequent when I lived in Sussex (though it did happen).

nutbrownhare15 · 25/08/2017 23:43

I used to get beeped at from age 11 when walking home from.school. I assumed that it was a compliment at the time but it always made me feel uncomfortable and powerless deep down. Now I know that it wasn't anything to do with me as such just my femaleness. It was a way for men to assert their masculinity (and it was normally more than one man in the car but if not they were asserting it to themselves) as if to say 'what a big man I am, I can beep at a girl in the street how funny/manly I am'. Pathetic.

lozzylizzy · 25/08/2017 23:54

Ive had the odd beep when i was younger but by a car of teenage lads showing off so they just get an eye roll. Ive never encountered anything like what Sashkin says at all and I live in a pretty large city!

I do remember once a couple of men walking towards me and my sister. One took off their hat, bowed and said 'morning ladies' (corny af) my sister promptly replied 'morning wanker'. I couldn't breathe!

lozzylizzy · 25/08/2017 23:59

Fuck off ya perv usually works well tbh to whistling

ForagingForFaerieGold · 26/08/2017 10:24

the dictionary defines it as a shrill whistle or shout. It's basically wolf whistling- not guys saying they want to fuck you.

Then it needs to be redefined as "men calling out aggressive sexual comments disguised as compliments" and there's too fucking much of it.

I was once "Catcalled" by a NINE year old boy. What are we teaching our children?
(Not everyone obviously)

As others have said it started happening to me when I was young. Maybe 11. I wasn't equipped for dealing with that at that age. Used to scare me. However, by 16 I was ready for them. Turns out I have a gob on me. To the unsolicited request to "sit on my face darlin" I managed to quip at the time (rather than 3 hours later as usually happens) "why, is you miss bigger than your dick?" Was most gratified to see his mates fall about laughing at him. I wonder if i cured him.

ForagingForFaerieGold · 26/08/2017 10:25

*Is your nose bigger... damn autocorrect

RestlessTraveller · 26/08/2017 10:30

I don't find it's flattering but I don't mind it. But I've never has anything bad shouted at me.

There's an awful lot of distasteful assumptions being made on here about 'the women who find it flattering' though.

RestlessTraveller · 26/08/2017 10:32

And I certainly don't think "morning ladies" is rude, your sister on the other hand...

Notreallyarsed · 26/08/2017 10:34

Up until last week I'd never been catcalled. I was walking to school/nursery with my 3 kids and some absolute twat shouted "you'd get it darlin'", to which I responded "you're assuming I'd want it."

I was pretty surprised tbf, I was wearing a hoodie, jeans and trainers, had my hair scraped back in a messy bun and I most certainly don't have a decent figure (in the scheme of Apple/pear shaped I'd consider myself baked potato) but I reckon he was just showing off in front of his workmates sitting in a white van with a copy of the Sun. They did laugh at him when I responded though Grin

ForagingForFaerieGold · 26/08/2017 10:35

Sashkin Good on your husband. All respect to him. We need more good men- those who despise this behaviour and have no wish to be associated with it (and there are plenty) to actually stand up and call their fellows out on this type of thing. Why should women have to stand alone against this behaviour towards us? Maybe if more men shamed it too, the tide would start to turn.

ForagingForFaerieGold · 26/08/2017 10:46

And I certainly don't think "morning ladies" is rude, your sister on the other hand

Maybe it was a bit rude. But ask yourself, what kind of culture do we live in that such a remark from a strange man prompted such a defensive response?
Ok perhaps she's just like that but it's possible she was just put on edge because of past incidents. A sort of "stop it before it starts" mentality

RestlessTraveller · 26/08/2017 10:55

So because some men are horrible all others should expect such rudeness?

Lauralou69 · 26/08/2017 10:58

'Morning ladies' is patronising for sure but no way would I have been so rude to that. However 'smile love, it's a beautiful day' gets a prompt 'go fuck yourself!' from me!!

Intheknickersoftime · 26/08/2017 11:03

It used to happen a lot to me when I was young and walking to work. I had to walk past an industrial unit where every single day a load of leery blokes would shout obscenities at me. I was 20. Then one day, I heard a supervisor shouting at them and telling them to stop and getting a bollocking of a lifetime. Never happened again. Its male bravado, if one bloke says you're being a twat to the rest maybe they will stop.

ForagingForFaerieGold · 26/08/2017 11:14

So because some men are horrible all others should expect such rudeness?

Absolutely not. That's not what I said. I agreed it was rude. I'm saying the culture we live in can make us feel intimidated by a strange man approaching us and that needs changing. For everyone's sake.

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