Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who think catcalling is flattering

89 replies

CumberlandSausage · 25/08/2017 19:45

I know some people, both men and women, who think it's flattering when people in vans or workmen catcall. That women should 'take it as compliment'.

I am completely floored by this because I feel completely mortified and worthless when it happens, and full of rage!

AIBU to think that these people who think it's flattering need their heads checked?

OP posts:
RestlessTraveller · 26/08/2017 11:37

How is "morning ladies" patronising?

Dahlietta · 26/08/2017 11:39

When I was a teen I used to get whistled at a lot, even in my school uniform

I always found I got whistled at a lot, especially in my school uniform. When I no longer had to wear it, age 15, I didn't get whistled at so often. I think that says a lot about the men who do this kind of crap.

plantsitter · 26/08/2017 11:44

It's a way of controlling women who dare go out without a man.

Though I do think 'morning ladies' is all right, unless he was making a groping gesture or something.

isupposeitsverynice · 26/08/2017 11:47

People who think catcalling is flattering are not very bright.

And that's a good point about school uniforms now I think about it personally I only ever got this shit when I was in school uniform.

isupposeitsverynice · 26/08/2017 11:48

People who can't see the difference between catcalling and "good morning" are even less bright Hmm

CoinOperatedGurl · 26/08/2017 11:50

I like it. I feel like someone has actually noticed the effort I've put into myself!

mctat · 26/08/2017 13:18

'Though I do think 'morning ladies' is all right'

'And I certainly don't think "morning ladies" is rude, your sister on the other hand...'

I disagree. Sometimes it's absolutely not all right. It depends on the tone and context. Its often some (creepy) older guy inflicting himself on young schoolgirls. It's a micro aggression. It's usually very obvious (to an adult at least) when someone is being genuinely friendly and when they're being a creep and just generally invading female's spaces. Then you get called rude for not rolling out the red carpet for them Hmm

I don't support the swearing as such but really what do these men actually expect? The girl to feel intimidated, is what they want. If it inspired this response from the girl I bet the intention was very clear from the man involved. Trust your instincts.

Lauralou69 · 26/08/2017 14:37

Morning ladies is patronising because 'lady' is a fucked assumption about how women are supposed to behave. Now the man who said it may have been older and back in the day was acceptable......now it's patronising but I wouldn't be rude about it.

heartstornastray · 26/08/2017 14:56

Doesn't happen anymore to me but all the time when i was younger. I always remember my friend saying she was envious because it never happened to her. It never bothered me, but times were different then.

kashleesi · 26/08/2017 15:07

I haven't had it happen to me for ages but I walk less now-don't walk to work anymore and am often with my boyfriend.
It used to happen a LOT and I never took it in a desirable way I always always assumed they were taking the piss and I was fat, ugly, rough. Ruined my day whenever it happened. Also once got told to 'get your gash out' on the busy streets of Manchester before I even was old enough to guess what gash meant. Shitty.

BitchQueen90 · 26/08/2017 17:18

It is sad too that younger boys think this behaviour is OK. I passed a group of boys age about 12/13 and one shouted "ooh you're fit." And the "milf" comment I mentioned upthread was by some lad of about 16 on the park while I was there with DS.

I actually never got it at school. It happens way more now. I'm late 20s.

I will throttle my DS if I ever hear him talk to women like that. (Or give him a very stern talking to about respecting women.) Angry

CockacidalManiac · 26/08/2017 17:22

My two daughters mentioned to me that this happened to them a lot during their early teenage years. Men are proper cunts; if I'd caught them I'd have pulled their balls off.

RestlessTraveller · 27/08/2017 23:22

I don't feel patronised when someone calls me a lady.

So when someone is addressing a crowd and says "ladies and gentlemen" I'm supposed to be offended? News to me.

esk1mo · 27/08/2017 23:27

people are entitled to feel however they want about being catcalled/waved at/whistled at/bid good morning, without being called "not very bright" and the other demeaning adjectives mentioned up thread.

there is never going to be a situation where 100% of women agree with how you feel about catcalling, so please refrain from judging those who view it differently from you.

plantsitter · 27/08/2017 23:28

Well, yeah, it does depend on tone and demeanor doesn't it?

StickThatInYourPipe · 27/08/2017 23:38

I think this stuff must really happen mainly in big cities as I never over hear this in my small town! I have seen / had the odd wolf whistle but never the sexual comments said up thread! I think there are different levels but all would make me a little paranoid that they were taking the piss. I don't think I would find it a compliment YANBU

C0untDucku1a · 27/08/2017 23:43

Im in a northern small town. My friend, on her way to a funeral and dressed appropriately for said funeral, had a man in a van yell out of the window last week that she had a great arse. I had this face Shock then realised she was pleased and she went on to say how she told her husband how someone thought she had a great arse etc. she has been buzzing from it all week. Now i have this face Confused

Lauralou69 · 28/08/2017 08:06

Why would anyone be flattered by the rude, objectifying comments from some random man??? Insecurity or stupidity........like I said and I bloody well stand by it. Anyone who thinks its okay to shout crude, disgusting mysogynitic comments to women are not a friend of women. Some of the stuff that is shouted at us is nothing less than vile harassment that harms us a gender because it shows that they believe that we are less than them and they can do as they please........which is reflected in the appalling rape and sexual assault stats of women and girls.

mctat · 28/08/2017 08:17

'I don't feel patronised when someone calls me a lady.'

Great! Neither do I generally, but I get that some women don't like to be called ladies or girls, and why.

But do I think there's potential for a random guy getting himself in the space of two young girls he doesn't know just to say 'morning ladies' to be creepy/intimidating to them, yes absolutely. They wouldn't do it to other men.

As already stated, it's to do with tone, & different people having different boundaries.

hackmum · 28/08/2017 08:52

plantsitter: "Though I do think 'morning ladies' is all right, unless he was making a groping gesture or something."

Would you ever shout, "Morning, gentlemen" at a group of men?

It's all part of a continuum of behaviour that wants to control women and put them in their place.

esk1mo · 28/08/2017 12:29

im not talking about comments, im talking about a whistle, wave, or a "good morning"

i already mentioned that vulgar comments arent flattering, but if a woman feels good because she turned a few heads or got whistled at, then i dont really see anything wrong with that.

Lauralou69 · 28/08/2017 12:46

Esk1mo,

How about the ones who feel frightened or intimidated?? Or don't you care about those as long as you get to 'feel good' about yourself??

RoderickRules · 28/08/2017 13:19

I didn't even understand what it was when I started getting cat called.
I perceived that it was hostile and sometimes would shout 'fuck off' or flick the V's.

Upthread the poster who reports the man saying 'I just want to tell you you look lovely in red', can you imagine stopping a man to comment on his choice of colour?
That's so entitled!
Stop you from going about your business, as his judgment of what you are wearing is more important than anything else you may be doing.

esk1mo · 28/08/2017 14:10

how does me or any other female not caring about being whistled at, automatically mean that i dont care about others feeling frightened or scared?

how do you come to that conclusion? i can feel a certain type of way about literally anything, without it impacting how i feel about others.

Lauralou69 · 28/08/2017 14:58

Esk1mo

You just don't want to address it do you? The fact that men don't generally get catcalled or told what to do or whether what they are wearing is okay or not? Or feel intimidated by gangs of men??

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.