MN and assumptions...

[MrsOverTheRoad]

There are so many, forgive me if I miss any..

"Can't you just dip into savings?"

"Haven't you got anyone you could ask to babysit?"

"Isn't there a friend you couldask to help out?"

"There must be something in the freezer!"

"Claim it on your household insurance"

"Book annual leave"

I know that some people lead quite narrow lives but the amount of assuming that goes on here is astounding,

Not everyone has someone to babysit for them...not someone they trust anyway."

For some people, insurance for the house or contents is an impossible dream.

And so on.

Exactly my point penggwyn

What people are prepared to accept varies between individuals. While I would never have left my child with a stranger (and actually in RL have never come across anyone who has) I was perfectly prepared to put a great deal of effort and money into finding someone who would babysit.

Well, this is the site where a lot of posters think that 'social housing' means that you don't pay rent.

I always love the assumption that somebody can rearrange their work hours, or just leave a bit early!

I can because I have a fairly flexible job. DH can't. He can ask but the answer is more likely to be no than yes.

Generally most people in life will have difficult periods in their lives when hard (sometimes terrible) things happen to them.

The ability to survive those times and to get through them successfully is really dependent on the support they have in place at the time ( financial and/or social).

If you have neither financial nor social capital, you live on a knife edge and any misfortune can tip you over. Of course you can make attempts to improve both types of capital when life is a bit easier but sometimes external factors combine to make this very difficult to do, even in relatively easier times.

For instance, sometimes if someone moves to improve their finances (something often thrown out when people say they have no money "e.g move somewhere cheaper then"), they end up socially very vulnerable for quite a while if they have no friends and family near. It only takes another difficulty (illness, job loss etc) to tip them into not coping at all. This isn't difficult to understand if you have any imagination at all.

Borodin, please stop nitpicking.
Stop picking on the exact words I use.
I'm not unaware. I do have some idea.
I'm not stupid. I know not everyone has 2.4 children, living in a nice middle class semi detached, with a Dh working in the city!!

I appreciate that some people are very poor.
Some on MN are. But most people on MN can afford a phone or a laptop or something, else how would they be MN'ing?

Most mn'ers manage to feed their kids. Even if it is with assistance, food bank help.

Most people have a fridge. Have a few bits of food.

Some don't.

But most do.

Back off. And stop making me sound unaware and un-empathetic!!

There seems to be a lot of middle classed people on here. They really don't know anything about how the other half lives. They take everything for granted. Surely you have friends, extended family, friendly neighbours, a rainy-day fund etc. etc. I find them frustrating but I don't think their intentions are mean. They just haven't got a clue.
On the other side of the coin, they are frequently the ones who discover husbands playing away. They are ill-equipped to cope in any severely emotional situation involving themselves. I tend to avoid such threads as I too am ill equipped to advise THEM.

Horses for courses. But yes, I sometimes sigh 'if only' when I hear 'why don't you take a spa day with your best friend'. If fucking only life was that simple.

Penggywn- but if you are only prepared to leave your child with trusted friends and relatives, and have none available or willing, what on earth is to be gained by posting on MN wanting solutions?!

I'm not denying it's perfectly fine to have different degrees of what you're prepared to do. I'm just pointing out that if someone posts wanting advice or solutions, you can't blame people for making perfectly reasonable suggestions.

I know that some people lead quite narrow lives but the amount of assuming that goes on here is astounding

Maybe hypocrisy on MN can be the next thread you start OP?

Having a go at people making assumptions and then assuming that people who live in tough/rough estates wouldn't appreciate a cup of tea and a natter with a neighbour?

Why is this OP? Do you assume they are uneducated? That they live on a rough estate so they must have no manners?

But to answer your question I think most of the time people are just trying to help and the examples you have given don't sound unreasonable to me at all.

I don't have any family nearby.
And yes I totally understand if there are particular circumstances : SN, or a sick child, thus you may not be able to find someone. Easily. Or at all. For babysitting.

But that wasn't what I was referring to.
Yes there is exceptional circumstances.

But my post was a generalisation.

" Most people should be able to"

I still stand by that.

Penggwyn - agreed. But there are consequences to deciding not to used paid baby sitters, or only being prepared to leave DC with family members. When an OP is concerned that she won't be able to attend a hospital appointment, or her best friend's hen do, or whatever because her mum is suddenly going away on holiday and she is the only person who the DC have ever been left with, there's not much anyone can suggest other than look for alternative childcare. Or the OP has to suck it up as a side-effect of deciding not to use paid childcare* (or at least try to tap into an informal network of DC's friends' parents etc)

• SEN and other specific reasons why regular baby sitting arrangements aren't feasible not included in this description

tbf I have noticed the "why don't you leave the DC with your DH and book yourself a nice spa day" solution being wheeled out far far less these days

About a year ago I posted something about my housemates, and the amount of posters who came on saying 'Goodness me, why would you want to live with other people?'. 'Why heavens! I could never share my house with others'. 'Why don't you just rent somewhere on your own?'

hahahhahahhahahah

London baby.

London baby. Also the reason I didn't have a car for years!

But that cuts both ways. Why don't you just get a bus? Rural baby!

I suppose we all live in our own bubbles!

I was just going to mention the spa day.

The one that really cracks me up is the 'cant you just get a nanny or au pair?"

Penggywn, if you chose to never leave your child with anyone. Then fine. Not my choice, but if you want that, then so be it.

But. You can't then complain about it, can you?

murine I came in to say this one. I really need to get one of these crazy flexible jobs where I can just go early or start late. I work 48+ hours of shifts a week and if I'm not in my business doesn't open, so no, I can't just go early or use annual leave!

murine I came in to say this one. I really need to get one of these crazy flexible jobs where I can just go early or start late. I work 48+ hours of shifts a week and if I'm not in my business doesn't open, so no, I can't just go early or use annual leave!

They're not assuming, they're asking and making suggestion to help. Sometimes people can do those things, they just don't want to. There's a world of difference between can't and won'tp

So how would you propose that theoretical poster gets a night off then penggwyn? With a husband working nights, and an OP not prepared to leave their child with anyone other than an (unavailable) relative?

YANBU!! Some people honestly have no idea..

Household contents insurance is cheaper then the internet.... if you can access mumsnet there is no sympathy from me if you haven't bought contents insurance to protect your assets....