MN and assumptions...

[MrsOverTheRoad]

There are so many, forgive me if I miss any..

"Can't you just dip into savings?"

"Haven't you got anyone you could ask to babysit?"

"Isn't there a friend you couldask to help out?"

"There must be something in the freezer!"

"Claim it on your household insurance"

"Book annual leave"

I know that some people lead quite narrow lives but the amount of assuming that goes on here is astounding,

Not everyone has someone to babysit for them...not someone they trust anyway."

For some people, insurance for the house or contents is an impossible dream.

And so on.

As long as there comments are them trying to be helpful and dont upset people then i think its kind of them to take time to offer there advice even if it doesnt fit for op. At least they tried

Mrs Which proves the point. The advice given generally depends on the circumstances. I think the MAJORITY of people probably have home and contents insurance, to it's not unreasonable to assume most MN posters are likely to have it. Same as most people drive. If the advice doesn't apply, then an OP is free to point that out and why

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask most of those questions.

The answer might be no, but it's not wrong to ask.

How would anyone know otherwise, if the information isn't in the OP? A bunch of strangers on the internet won't automatically know every aspect of another stranger's situation.

Most people are just trying to help. Not everyone is an expert and not everyone chooses perfect words or phrasing every time. Doesn't mean the intent isn't good.

"Go and have a cup of tea and some cake with the neighbours" is laughable given that some people live in inner city areas or on quite rough estates where the culture isn't inclusive of banging on the door of a stranger asking to share a slice of Battenberg.
Neighbours are still people though. Who says that someone living next door to you in a £3m mansion is going to be more amenable to a cuppa than someone on a rough estate? More the opposite I'd say. I'd say you're just as guilty of assumptions!

I know where there's a few, but it would cost more for one of us to get there by public transport than it would cost to feed the whole family bland but filling food for the day!

Sikh temples and mosques, that is!

Bananas If you posted an OP that stated "I live in a studio flat so only have the ice box in my fridge or a very small freezer compartment that is half the size of my fridge" and THEN people said about batch cooking, that would be a) stupid and b) unhelpful. But as the majority of people will have a bigger freezer (I'm with you, mine is tiny) it's inevitable that most people will make the assumption.

Its nice to chat to a group of people with different lives. I work 5 jobs have a small 2 up 2 down that needs decorating and a dh that earns well. But i love seeing how the other half live it helps me to kerp my goals in mind. And also to see the different issues of people in different circumstances.

Isn't people trying to help & getting some clarification on circumstances. To some people the world is caving in, if Waitrose run out of brioche, to others they can't afford to pay the au pair or some posters literally have no money.

Yabu. All the examples you have are questions, not assumptions.

And I have never seen anyone advised to dip into savings when they have posted that they can't afford food.

You sound rather bitter. These are very normal things that most people have so it's not unreasonable to make these assumptions when making suggestions.

It can be really hard to see outside of your own frame of reference though.

Up until a few years ago, I literally could not understand the need for food banks. While I know now that not everyone can "pop to mum and dad's for Sunday dinner" or "borrow a tenner off DH's mate", I feel very very lucky to still not truly understand what it's like to have absolutely no safety net.

For me and a lot of my friends it's very much as Common People lyrics suggest: "If you call your dad he could stop it all".

While the ignorance must be galling for those who are truly on their uppers, from my point of view it was more naiveté and certainly no malice would be meant.

I like 'have you considered a nanny' with regards to childcare working around shifts. I'm sure they are just trying to be helpful but I'm on NMW

I think YABU. Or your examples are poor.

For example:

Yes some people are poorer than others. But MOST people have a Small freezer shelf in their fridge. Or even if no freezer, they have a few bits if food, that you could muster into a meal, if you really really had to.

And most people could get a babysitter if they really really tried. Would take time. But if you discussed it with a few friends, or one person you trust that they could do it, next month. Many people could get that organised eventually and if you don't have a single person that you trust then you probably have trusted shoes and really should be working on that......

I call it 'solutioning' like a poorly thought out management policy. Yes, people are trying to be helpful but they are suggesting things that any rational person would have thought of first.

"Haven't you got anyone you could ask to babysit?" Well fuck me Sherlock I would NEVER of thought of using my free, available and trusted childcare option that I don't possess. I mean of course someone would have thought of childcare if they have to take their children somewhere. It's the opposite of rocket science.

People lack actual capital and they lack social capital. When you lack both life really is on a knife-edge.

then you probably have trusted shoes I do trust shoes. I don't have trust issues. I live 5000 miles away from family and moved here knowing no one except my DH.

I now have a couple of people who I can ask in an emergency. But I can't 'use up' their goodwill because I have no one else. Paid childcare is impossible and we don't have sitting.com or whatever it is.

Any rational person would have considered babysitting before. And got at least one friend to do reciprocal babysitting, i.e. No cost for either.

These things can be set up, with pre-thought.

So when someone says have you got someone to babysit?

what they're probably really saying is why are you so stupid that this hadn't occurred to you before / why haven't you done anything about it before?

Far more annoying that ANY of the OP's options is "I haven't read the full thread, but....."

There's a special place reserved in Hell for people who do that and then go on to ask questions that have already been answered repeatedly.

👠 yes trust issues.
Sorry about that mistype!!

New immigrant, someone fleeing violence, someone with anxiety which makes making friends tough, someone moving area. In my case my first friend has a child with disabilities making it hard for her to reciprocate sometimes. And he gets sick at a moment's notice so she cancels sometimes.

Just because you have something, doesn't mean everyone does. Which sort of confirms the OP, doesn't it?

If my shoes could babysit I'd be fine. They never let me down.

then you probably have trusted shoes

I have trusted shoes. I keep them in my Chester Draws.

Also, most people do not have savings so to say that is the norm is incorrect. Plus if I had a fucking wodge of cash in the bank, why would I post about money issues?

As for those saying it is naivety- i think it is more like wilfully shutting your eyes to the hardship that some people have to endure. Not sure I would say that is naivety because social inequality is so obvious that you really have to make an effort to shut your eyes to it.

MrsOverTheRoad YANBU

I've just been asking another poster why they are making assumptions about me instead of asking me. It gets old quickly.