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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel sorry for this woman but also think she is being incredibly foolish?

125 replies

MissionItsPossible · 25/08/2017 10:16

These types of stories get me upset but also angry (at the other person, not her)

Basically, a 72 year old woman has blown her entire life savings on her 27 year old Nigerian husband trying to get him a visa to come to the UK. They met after he messaged her on Facebook and they chatted for hours despite the age and 4000 mile gap.

I know it's her money and really none of my business but I feel really sorry for this woman and do not think for one second he married her out of love.

Story here: www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/besotted-grandma-72-blows-entire-11050833

OP posts:
grandOlejukeofYork · 26/08/2017 13:22

It's like a collective hallucination that young, gorgeous women can find ugly men attractive if they have money but not the other way around. Ed Sheeran is a perfect example

excuse me? Ed Sheeran is a perfectly normal, average looking man. Nobody needs to be hallucinating to find him attractive. Hmm

Original poster
MissionItsPossible · 27/08/2017 04:23

I mean how on earth do you pronounce this?!

Nwachukwu

Erm, I would suspect if you spoke the language you'd know how to pronounce it.

excuse me? Ed Sheeran is a perfectly normal, average looking man. Nobody needs to be hallucinating to find him attractive

Doubt he would have been as apparently successful with Taylor Swift's squad if he wasn't "Ed Sheeran" though.

OP posts:
Sarikiz · 27/08/2017 05:39

To enter the UK on a settlement visa the British husband or wife has to be earning a minimum salary of £18600 per annum or have in savings a minimum of £62500.
As she does not earn this salary or have the money saved he will not be able to enter the UK. It us also blatently obvious that it is a shame marriage.
I do not feel sorry for this lady. The marriage will be over once her money has gone and he realises there is no chance for him to enter the UK.

Wonderflonium · 27/08/2017 05:52

My great-aunt did this. My mum spoke to her about the holes in her foreign boyfriend's story and his possible ulterior motives. My great-aunt told her to back off. She knew exactly what was happening. The way she saw it, if she wanted to spend her money on a romance at the end of her life, that's what she was going to do.

KweenOfFarts · 27/08/2017 05:58

I blame the moose in the house

malificent7 · 27/08/2017 06:09

Fair play to her. If i could pull a hottie st 75 (even fir very dubious reasons) id keep quiet and enjoy.
He's a bit like a gigolo!

malificent7 · 27/08/2017 06:15

She's an attractive lady too!

Roussette · 27/08/2017 06:33

I don't feel sorry for her I feel a bit embarrassed for her
she looks like a deluded idiot

^^This.

I mean... honestly... there has been enough stories in the Press about these guys targeting old english women, she should know better. The photos are embarrassing

I used to go on 419eater website, it basically fights scams. It's an eye opener and one thing I know - no young guy will be chatting me up over the internet because I know the score and I'm not deluded.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/08/2017 10:08

Fair play to her. If i could pull a hottie st 75 (even fir very dubious reasons) id keep quiet and enjoy
He's a bit like a gigolo!

So basically you are saying it is fine for her to use him as a prostitute.

SomeDoNot · 27/08/2017 10:11

gorgeous women can find ugly men attractive if they have money but not the other way around. Ed Sheeran is a perfect example

I find Ed Sheehan attractive- nothing to do with his money. He is clever and witty.

PaganGoddessBrigid · 27/08/2017 10:14

Silly woman. :-/

And I say exactly the same when old men buy a relation$hip

PaganGoddessBrigid · 27/08/2017 10:17

Poor Ed Sheeran! He is young and healthy and good at what he does. He's always smiling. Fgs, he has appeal.

grandOlejukeofYork · 27/08/2017 10:52

Doubt he would have been as apparently successful with Taylor Swift's squad if he wasn't "Ed Sheeran" though

Neither would Taylor Swift, for that matter.

MargaretTwatyer · 27/08/2017 11:00

Oh come on. Everybody knows nobody male has ever really been successful with Taylor Swift. They are all set up relationships for the press and she does very well drumming up interest for her music with them.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2017 11:07

Save your sympathy for people who really deserve it. She's silly and deluded.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 27/08/2017 11:22

Well at least this story restores a little faith in our hapless immigration system!

Lanaa · 27/08/2017 12:30

@WS12 Presumably you can read and have some knowledge of phonics? If you opened your eyes you would see that the name is pronounced N - wah - chuck - wu. It's a tedious pastime of disingenuous racists to pretend to be unable to pronounce "forren" sounding names.

As for this woman, I suspect she knows that the young lad is in it for the money/visa. However she's having a good time, getting romanced etc.

ibbleobbleblackbubble · 27/08/2017 12:41

I don't think I'd be able to have a good time knowing that the other person found me repulsive and was only doing it for the money
In order to have a good time in these circumstances don't you need to not care that the other person is faking and so sex is just about your pleasure and about mutual enjoyment

ibbleobbleblackbubble · 27/08/2017 12:42
  • sex is just about your pleasure and NOT about mutual enjoyment
Zaphodsotherhead · 27/08/2017 12:54

Are people still falling for the 'random friend on Facebook' thing?

Although, saying that, I have a very good friend, solvent, sensible, level-headed, normal woman, who was contacted via Social Media by a man 'accidentally', who went on to have long, detailed conversations with him. She got in fairly deeply, and it took a few of us pointing out the sheer number of 'American Forces widowed single fathers' attempting to contact women before she even started to see the light.

Eventually a Google Reverse Image search revealed him to be the American Secretary of State, which was so unlikely that even she had to admit he was a fraud. But she was the least likely person to be sucked in by that sort of thing - you can't just dismiss everyone who falls for these men as 'stupid' or 'deluded'. My friend genuinely thought she'd found a soul mate 'by accident', and never realised she was being groomed.

Timefortea99 · 27/08/2017 12:56

A colleague and I were having a conversation about men, mainly because she did not have much success with relationships and at the age of 50 had probably only every had a casual relationship a couple of times. She was lonely, but also had an over inflated view of who she would go out with (if they ever deigned to look at her). She was judgy about looks, although she was not exactly a stunner herself.

She came back from an African country and started telling me, quite smugly, that she was a hit with the lot younger men there. Nothing happened but she was convinced they were genuinely interested in her. I asked her if younger men in this country paid her a lot of attention. She said no. I asked her that surely a basic rule of thumb is if you are like catnip to young men here and abroad, then clearly there is something very attractive about you. However, if a lot younger men from a third world country showed you lots of attention and they don't elsewhere then surely alarm bells and cynicism kick in. Nope, not for her. She was convinced that these young guys (left than half her age) were really into her.

I would say that in every other respect she is an intelligent woman. But she is lonely and vulnerable and that is the crux of all these stories like this.

FuckYouLinda · 27/08/2017 13:17

I worked with a woman engaged to a turkish waiter. She would send him cash and expensive gifts like phones and watches. As it grew closer to the time they were supposed to get married, he started to be more and more evasive. Transpires that he already had a wife and kids away from the resort they met in.

So off she goes on a holiday to Turkey to get over her failed romance. And returns with another fucking waiter boyfriend that she subsequently got engaged to rapidly. Guess how that turned out Hmm

When we went to Turkey DP got chatting to a young waiter, and he admitted he had several UK 'girlfriends'. And a pregnant wife in a rural village up the hillside. He said their job lasts 6 months of the year and there's no SW benefits so the cash and gifts that get sent help him support his family. He'd target women who didn't seem to have much luck dating and flatter them and 'date' them every time they'd come for their two weeks holiday.

ibbleobbleblackbubble · 27/08/2017 13:41

They see you need and your vanity and leverage the shit out of it

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/08/2017 14:13

They see you need and your vanity and leverage the shit out of it

I was in Venice with my son and husband but had gone off on my own as they had had enough of churches. I was 40, and not a bad looking 40 by any means. I was approached by a man in his mid 20s asking if I wanted to go for a drink. It took about a nano second to realise he was soliciting and not really bowled over by my gorgeousness. I assume Venice is awash with solitary female travellers, especially those of a certain age. The same happened in Nice about 10 years later.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/08/2017 14:14

Oh and obviously I didn't have anything to do with either of them !

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