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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel sorry for this woman but also think she is being incredibly foolish?

125 replies

MissionItsPossible · 25/08/2017 10:16

These types of stories get me upset but also angry (at the other person, not her)

Basically, a 72 year old woman has blown her entire life savings on her 27 year old Nigerian husband trying to get him a visa to come to the UK. They met after he messaged her on Facebook and they chatted for hours despite the age and 4000 mile gap.

I know it's her money and really none of my business but I feel really sorry for this woman and do not think for one second he married her out of love.

Story here: www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/besotted-grandma-72-blows-entire-11050833

OP posts:
Original poster
MissionItsPossible · 25/08/2017 11:07

I do feel sorry for her but also really frustrated. Whenever I read stories like this I just want to go up to them, give them a good shake and shout what are you THINKING!?

OP posts:
SukiTheDog · 25/08/2017 11:09

I've a feeling this lady will be very hurt in the future.

PoppyPopcorn · 25/08/2017 11:09

Stupid woman. Would love to know what her kids/grandkids/extended family think about it.

Funny how they're so in "love" but no intentions of living in Nigeria.

Wdigin2this · 25/08/2017 11:11

I read this recently, and I cannot believe that women are still falling for this scam! The media has run with these horror stories for years....they never turn out well!
I don't understand how, an elderly lady could possibly fool herself into believing, a young fit guy actually fancies her....especially when money comes into the picture!
Basically, if you're getting on a bit in years, and you're on hols any fit young man approaching you, is almost certainly after your money/a passport. If you want to have a fling with a youngster, go ahead, just remember have selective deafness whenever money, marriage or visas are mentioned....then just think 'Wow that was fun!, but come home safely and leave him to the next one!

dogfish1 · 25/08/2017 11:12

She knows the score, is having a good time and has even recovered some of her costs by selling her story. He's not after her money, just a visa. Sure it won't last forever but for now it's good.

Mintychoc1 · 25/08/2017 11:12

I know someone who did this, and because she couldn't get him a visa she sold her house and moved to his country to be worth him. Strangely that wasn't what he'd had in mind, and the marriage didn't last long...

Original poster
MissionItsPossible · 25/08/2017 11:14

Mintychoc1 if not too outing, what happened to her? Was she an older woman?

OP posts:
WS12 · 25/08/2017 11:19

Is it only me who skipped over the surname?! 😂😂😂

scarletpopapil · 25/08/2017 11:20

I know an older bloke who's done something similar for a very young woman. I think my feeling is more pity than sympathy. I can't really grasp the degree of wilful self-delusion it must take.

Miserylovescompany2 · 25/08/2017 11:21

Why fight for him to come to the UK? Surely if their love is genuine they'd be happy living in his home country?

I liked the bit about him purchasing the rings with her money he'll soon lose interest when her money dries up. Then she'll be just another sad statistic...

Six thousand spent on hotels? she most of paid for his entire family as well

WS12 · 25/08/2017 11:24

"We'd planned to wait until the wedding night to consummate our relationship, but we couldn't keep our hands off each other!"

At least she's getting a good bonk!!

ZerbaPadnaTigre · 25/08/2017 11:24

Hotels in Nigeria: £6,000

She's paid for his visa applications and the wedding and going to visit him... and has still managed to fork out £2k per visit on accomodation when presumably, he lives somewhere when she's not visiting. Yet she says she's never given him money. Like it's not real money unless you're handing over piles of £20s.

HerOtherHalf · 25/08/2017 11:25

Out of interest, how many of you see this as any different from the countless older men who land a young, beautiful wife who is only with him for his money? Some of them may truly be deluded that she loves him for himself but I bet most of them know exactly what is going on and reckon it's a fair deal for them. Not my cup of tea personally but each to their own. Thinking it through further, a lot of people marry for money and a lot of people with money land themselves a physically superior (eugh!!) partner when age difference is not a factor. Truth is, marriage is not always based purely on love.

ZerbaPadnaTigre · 25/08/2017 11:36

She's visited him three times in 2.5 years so she clearly hasn't got money as she says. I think there's a big difference between marrying (and staying in a marriage) with money as a factor and marrying for a visa where he'll almost certainly end the marriage ASAP.

Original poster
MissionItsPossible · 25/08/2017 11:45

WS12 I don't get what you mean about the surname?

OP posts:
carteblanchemange · 25/08/2017 12:13

She could always move to Nigeria if it is not about money and she loves him so much...

Penny4UrThoughts · 25/08/2017 12:26

There are probably more men that can fit this than women - eg Russian and Filipino brides that come here and stay with the man long enough to have the right to remain.

I know two men that's happened to.

Jux · 25/08/2017 12:38

I would feel sorry for her, because I assume she has no other claim on her savings - no children, no friends or other family whom she sees as being deserving of it.

That may be because she's a horrible person who has alienated everyone, or because she's completely alone. Either way, a reason to feel sorrow for her.

Yes, I would feel just as sorry for a man in that position, but I will admit that my assumptions about what brought him into it would be different. I need to consider that further.

ibbleobbleblackbubble · 25/08/2017 12:41

Maybe she is having the best sex of her life
Maybe she is but knowing that the other person that would probably find me repulsive were it not for the fact that he was getting money or a British passport ....well that would put me off the sex

Mind you we see lots of old men who seem able to enjoy sex with hot young women who they must know find them repulsive and are only shagging them for money

SabineUndine · 25/08/2017 12:42

She looks pretty happy in those photos. Maybe she thought 'It's my money, I'm 72, I'll be dead in 15 years' time, what the hell? I'm going to have some fun.'

ibbleobbleblackbubble · 25/08/2017 12:46

He just needs to get a foot in the door in the UK and then he is probably hoping she won't live too much longer so he can find another rich widow...

ContinuingPrim · 25/08/2017 12:47

No sensible72 year old should go and live in a country with no functioning health care system except in private hospitals you need to be dollar millionaire to afford.

There are so many kinds of self deception going on here. That woman would be very unlikely to believe an English 27 year old would be interested in her, why does she think this young Nigerian is?

ibbleobbleblackbubble · 25/08/2017 12:49

Of course he will be honing his skills .....refining his gift of the gab
Working out just what it takes to get older / richer women to drop their knickers
He started with the low hanging fruit, I'm sure it was very easy to flatter this woman

AlmostAJillSandwich · 25/08/2017 12:54

I can't understand how these people never see it coming. Genuine love with a 45 year age gap, really?
Men or women, the likelihood of someone much younger in their prime, from a poor country, genuinely having feelings for them and not being out to get a visa/legal right to live in the lovely western country, or money, is very slim.

ibbleobbleblackbubble · 25/08/2017 12:56

I don't feel sorry for her I feel a bit embarrassed for her
she looks like a deluded idiot