The not-so mysterious mystery of the missing coat: what would you do?

[fugglestone1]

A few weeks ago, my four year-old daughter’s much-loved, expensive and very distinctive coat went missing from nursery. Everyone looked high and low, but nothing. Two days ago, when I dropped her off at nursery, another little girl ran up to me and said “Look, I’ve got the same coat as Daisy” and proudly showed me my daughter’s coat.

The first thought obviously, was a mistake – it’s easy enough for clothes to get put back on the wrong pegs, etc. But when that happens you bring them back. However, in this case, the parents are saying it is their daughter’s coat and they bought it for her. It’s not completely impossible, but the likelihood is miniscule. It’s been out of season for ages, so you couldn’t buy it in the shops and I’ve never seen another like it anywhere, even on eBay. It was named by the way, but those tags can come off in the wash. Or be pulled off. It’s the same size too (4-5 years – my daughter is very tall), even though the other little girl is only 3.

In short, no one, has any question whose it is. Obviously I could let it go since it’s only a coat. But I’m getting more and more cheesed off because it was a present from my Mum, many of my memories of my daughter from the last two years are of her in it, and because it’s just such a crap thing to do.

Any thoughts?

I was away on a work trip and brought dd1 back a very distinctive toy. She loved it as it looked quite strange.

I dropped it in our communal shared hallway one day when laden with bags, coats etc. Went back to get it a few minutes later and no sign of it.

Few days later saw neighbours daughter with it and was v pleased it had been found. Neighbour absolutely insisted she had boought it locally. When i said that there was 3 tiny knots of loose thread near tail on dd's one and could we look, she reluctantly let me. The small faults were there. She denied it was my dd's and kep hold of it. I wasnt prepared to get into some kind of physical wrangle for it so let it go.

Bizarre bare faced lying.

It's just pathetic. It really is.

Provide proof of purchase?!?

I might have the odd receipt flapping around in my purse for recently bought clothes but I couldn't provide proof of purchase for 99% of my dcs clothes, as I suspect would be the case with most people.

I had this. DS had a coat in a very distinctive pattern in size 2-3 at nursery. One day it disappeared, then a few days later was apparently back on his peg - except it was the same coat in size 12-18m. Pointed it out to nursery, they said there was one other kid with the same design coat and they must have took DS' home by mistake. They asked the other boy's parents to bring it back but the child left nursery permanently very soon after and we never got it back. Innocent mistake, my arse - their son was growing out of his coat and they spotted the opportunity to get a bigger one for free, cheeky fuckers. It was named with sharpie too but even that didn't put them off.

You don't have 100% proof that it was stolen (i.e the charity shop thing).

but you can make lots of LOVELY noises EVERY time you see it - " What a gorgeous coat" " It reminds meow the one grandma bought my little girl" "Oh, I've been looking for something SIMILAR for AAAAGGGGEEES but they seem to be out of stock now" "Where did you source yours - it's soooo lovely I'd love to find something similar to replace my baby's lost one" ad infinitum til they CRACK!!!

Go on. Dare ya.

Ask the staff to look again, and if they don't find it, report it stolen to the police. Tell them that you have seen a similar coat to your daughters on the back of another child, but they deny it is your coat. Let them check it out.

Can't really see the police getting involved, seriously.
I'm not in the UK, but I imagine like most countries, the police force are focused on things other than coats stolen in schools.

OP, as I said earlier, I would either watch my chance and take it right back OR push it with the school and insist that they do something.

The police are not going to give a fiddler's fart about a child's missing coat

If the coat ever appeared again I'd nick it back without a second thought.

Does the nursery have cctv? Could help.

Reminds me of an incident when I was younger. I had a lovely gold signet ring that my mum bought me as a birthday present I must have been 8 or 9 ish. I was out playing with 2 friends and during the course of our game one of them wore my ring. She then said she'd lost it and we spent hours searching everywhere. My mum went mad at me when I got home.
The very next day the girl turned up at school with MY ring on!
Claimed her mum had bought it for her. My mum went round there and this girls mother blatantly stood there and swore she had indeed bought the ring. Nothing we could do at all.
Bastards

Do you have a photo of DD wearing the coat? Would nursery let you put up a poster featuring the photo and LOST in big letters, along with how unusual, hard to find and distinctive it is? (Maybe offer a small reward for its safe return?)

It is a shitty thing to have happened and I feel for you OP.

Realistically, however, I think you will have to let this go. The police surely wouldn't get involved in a missing nursery coat? Even writing that down sounds ludicrous.

Asking the little girl who now has the coat won't help. Even if she said it is your little girl's coat, you can't accept the word of a three year old as her parents will merely say the child is confused and meant a similar coat to your daughter's coat.

I strongly suspect if you question the parents, they will deny it because if they are the type of people to mistakenly take it and not return it steal it, then they will not suddenly admit they did so.

If you threaten the nursery, you are leaving them in a no win situation, while they can request the other parents to check again as you are adamant the coat is your daughters, they can't force the other parents to return it.

I'm increasingly concerned to read that even writing inside sleeves won't prevent theft. We shouldn't be forced to buy disposable clothes for our children going to school so nobody cares if they are stolen but sadly that seems to be the case.

But you have no proof. You're assuming. Distinctive does not mean one-off. It could be the other child's .

brought it where?
Yes, there's a typo in that sentence. You can probably guess what it was supposed to be.

I wouldn't let this lie, but I'm not a pushover! You've had great advice on here Op, what will you be doing?

I wasnt prepared to get into some kind of physical wrangle for it so let it go.

How very restrained.

My first thought is that I would have socked her one.

I don't understand. The coat is aged 4-5, your DD is 3, but she's been wearing it for 2 years?!

Sorry- meant to say she's 4. It must have been really big on her 2 years ago though?

I would take it back home and inspect it!

This sort of thing boils my piss. It's blatant theft and teaching kids it is ok to steal.

I had this when my son was at primary. I complained to the teacher and he sat the children down and said he was going to check their labels one by one. Before he even got to the culprit, he had stood up and said he had only just realised he has ds's top on. Apparently his parents were renowned for encouraging this behaviour with all of their dc's

It was down to her knees!

They will presumably never let her wear it to nursery again, but if they do I'd have no hesitation in taking it back.

fugglestone1 what will you do if she's wearing it today?

Why are posters questioning the OP having a coat for two years? Surely the majority of people buy bigger sizes for more expensive items?

When my child was three, she was wearing a winter coat size 5-6! It was a designer coat I picked up on eBay which if bought new would have cost over 130 pounds. As with a lot of 'designer' children's clothes, it was very small fitting and although long on her, it did not look ridiculously big.

The biggest (first world) problem I found was although she is very slim and the coat fitted correctly I n length when she was five, by then I was completely bored and fed up of looking at it.