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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this really rude? (Wedding stuff)

91 replies

WomanEmpire · 24/08/2017 15:19

We have a maximum allowance of 42 guests for the ceremony.

150 for Reception.

Now tallying it up we are 22 over the Ceremony allowance and that's really cutting out people we would rather not have too.

Is it rude to have plus 1s only invited to the reception?

So for example:
Godmother and 2DD's invited to both and her partner only invited to the reception.
There's a few family's that if we did this for the lesser known partner it would help out massively.

Is this beyond rude/awkward/bad form or acceptable?

OP posts:
IdentifiesAsASloth · 24/08/2017 15:20

It is a bit awkward yeah. I'd feel so rude asking a plus one to come to a wedding with me, but telling them to bugger off for the evening.

RainbowPastel · 24/08/2017 15:21

Massively rude especially if they have to travel to the venue.

Peppapogstillonaloop · 24/08/2017 15:23

A bit odd and awkward why is wedding venue so small compared to reception?

PinkHeart5911 · 24/08/2017 15:24

It is rather awkward I think.

Also it means they have to get there separately, might be an issue if they only have 1 car/wanted to get a cab ( it would cost double) etc

McTufty · 24/08/2017 15:25

It's not ideal. I'd just invite them all to the reception.

PotteringAlong · 24/08/2017 15:25

Yes. If they travel together what do you expect the plus ones to do before the reception? Just hang around outside? If you want more people there you need a bigger venue.

MsVestibule · 24/08/2017 15:25

Where is the ceremony and where is the reception in relation to each other? Using the example of your godmother, what would the logistics involve? Would he have to go to the hotel(?) where the reception was being held and she and her daughters go to the ceremony, then meet him at the hotel?

Original poster
WomanEmpire · 24/08/2017 15:26

Peppa we originally had a room which catered for up to 100 guests but they cocked up the bookings and if we still wanted that date we had to take the smaller room. Parents/bridesmaids had already taken days off work (as had we) so it seemed a no brainer and I'm thick and completely forgot some of DP's family. So now in this dilemma? Confused

OP posts:
WombatStewForTea · 24/08/2017 15:26

Depends...are they missing the ceremony but coming to wedding breakfast still? Or are they not invited til evening?

milliemolliemou · 24/08/2017 15:26

No. You can only offer what fits. Just make sure the plus ones coming to the reception aren't hanging around for ages especially if they're driving/travelling together. I'd be happy not going to the ceremony - say 3.30-4pm (if not in the middle of nowhere) and having a cup of tea and collecting partner from ceremony to move smartly on to reception at 4.30pm. Or something similar. Think it through from the non-ceremony guests point of view.

Original poster
WomanEmpire · 24/08/2017 15:28

Everyone will be booked in to a hotel nearby and/or staying with friends (we live in a different city to family) and the ceremony is in a place of importance to us and then the reception is a 10/15 minute walk from the ceremony. It is also a 15 min walk from the hotel

OP posts:
Original poster
WomanEmpire · 24/08/2017 15:29

The ceremony is max half an hour and there is no wedding breakfast. There will be catering but more tiny little salmon bagels rather than a sit down meal, we're going for more 'party' than formal wedding Blush

OP posts:
Cabininthewoods69 · 24/08/2017 15:30

I went to a wedding at the church then wasnt invited to lunch do but went to reception. Its fine and your wedding

TheCraicDealer · 24/08/2017 15:30

My mum and dad went to a wedding like this but it was more deliberate in that the couple picked a tiny chapel for the service which only held about 30. So mum and dad just got invited to the reception venue/meal and were very happy about it. I think if you keep it to bridal party and immediate family it would be easiest, splitting up couples and families could get...awkward.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 24/08/2017 15:31

I would have worked out number of guests you wanted before booking the ceremony room. Instead of cutting off partners, I would invite both to the Reception. You will have to decide which of your guests are more important to be at the actual Ceremony but you can't split people up.

2014newme · 24/08/2017 15:32

People an change a day off work surely? Have you asked them to?

LynetteScavo · 24/08/2017 15:34

I've been to a couple of weddings where only a few guests could get in....one was a tiny chapel in the brides and grooms village everybody just waited outside to throw confetti then went to the reception next door. We knew only family could get in, so that was fine.

The other was in a "summer house" hut thingy....only a few people could fit inside. No one else saw a thing. I joked they needed to live stream it...actually would that solve your dilemma?

gingerbreadmam · 24/08/2017 15:35

so the only bit the dps will miss is the actual ceremony but be included in everything else? im guessing people wouldnt mind that.

Original poster
WomanEmpire · 24/08/2017 15:35

I suppose I could, but it's 18 people that would have too.

OP posts:
MyNameIsAlexDrake · 24/08/2017 15:35

I think I'd stick with bridal party only for the ceremony then everyone else for the reception.

Original poster
WomanEmpire · 24/08/2017 15:37

My DP would be thrilled if he didn't have to sit through wedding ceremonies but obviously I understand the logistics of it might not work.

As it's not a very long ceremony I guess people could be outside! How did you guys know Lynette was it said beforehand?

OP posts:
2014newme · 24/08/2017 15:38

Yes bridal party only for ceremony. Are you doing good any kind of meal or literally canapés only? As people tend to get hungry when travelling and hanging about at weddings

Aftershock15 · 24/08/2017 15:42

I don't think it's very easy to cut out partners that you know but maybe you could do the exclusion some other way? For example you were planning on your godmothers 2 dd - might it be easier to say no children and provide a nanny service at the reception venue (unless of course that are adults!)

afromom · 24/08/2017 15:42

My wedding was like this, ceremony had room for 60, then 120 to reception.
We did very close friends, aunts, uncles and god parents to ceremony, cousins and other friends to reception.
We put on a coach from the reception venue for ceremony attendees and had a room with nibbly bits (crisps/nuts etc) and drinks etc for non attendees. It didn't cost much more, meant everyone travelled to the same venue rather than split travel and those not attending the ceremony had somewhere to go and hang out while they waited. It was actually in the town centre, so many went to the pub across the road or popped around the shops instead, but I felt better that we had provided a space to wait. It worked well, no complaints (that I heard of)!

LibertarianLibrarian · 24/08/2017 15:43

So people are having to take a day off work, stay overnight, not come to the ceremony and you're not going to feed them? Shock