Is this really rude? (Wedding stuff)

[WomanEmpire]

We have a maximum allowance of 42 guests for the ceremony.

150 for Reception.

Now tallying it up we are 22 over the Ceremony allowance and that's really cutting out people we would rather not have too.

Is it rude to have plus 1s only invited to the reception?

So for example:
Godmother and 2DD's invited to both and her partner only invited to the reception.
There's a few family's that if we did this for the lesser known partner it would help out massively.

Is this beyond rude/awkward/bad form or acceptable?

Can you re-say your vows during the evening reception, to add some focus? That way, you can really cut down numbers. I've only ever been to one wedding where the marriage ceremony was at a separate register office earlier in the day with just a few people, and then the sit down meal elsewhere. It didn't feel like a "proper" wedding, as we'd not witnessed the ceremony.

What are your timings OP? It sounds to me as though you risk pissing people off if they can't attend the wedding then after hanging around they are going to get a few canapes rather than a meal. You risk people leaving early to get a meal.

Yes invited to a wedding at which 18 families are asked to have one family member not attend the wedding and then no meal.
The whole thing needs a rethink or have the wedding same place as the party

And it's a week day wedding meaning the majority of people need to use holiday to have time off work

V bizarre set up

When you say a 15 minute walk is that a 15 minute walk for a healthy young person wearing trainers or a 15 minute walk for someone a bit doddery on their feet and or wearing hurty wedding shoes? Are you laying on some transport between venues?

So what exactly are you feeding people and over what period of time? If you're going to give them a few canapés over what may be for some a 12 hour period then you had better spell this out so they can make other arrangements to eat. If you're expecting people to take a day off work and pay to stay in a hotel overnight without at least one decent meal then that's a bit mean.

Yes, make ceremony v small (half or less than half of all guests - parents/siblings/witnesses only)

Everyone else invited to congregate in a boozer, then meet outside, timed to when you emerge, with confetti (if allowed), then you all walk to the reception together

We had something similar happen to us...we just had parents siblings and grandparents to the ceremony ..everyone else like uncles/aunties/godparents etc for the sit down meal onwards

You also risk some of your guests getting really drunk if they haven't had much food. Sorry OP, but either make it an evening party and make sure your guests know this or stump up and feed people properly. You're billing this as "more of a party" but I'm wondering if you don't have the budget to do things properly. A cheaper venue and a caterer might be better.

I think if the "uninvited" can head on to the venue & have some refreshment then it should be OK.

In the circs I think most people will understand & will be OK with it.

With the example given I agree that it might be easier just to invite the godmother.

How big is the "bridal party"?

Not rude at all, OP. Only on mumsnet do people get their knickers in a twist at the idea of spending half an hour entertaining themselves, while their other halves sit through the boring bit.

I think if you make it clear that there was a cock up that wasn't your fault and asked if they'd mind doing this then I think most people will be understanding.

I'll be honest, this doesn't sound good st all.

Firstly if it's raining no one wants to be walking never mind in heels and nice clothes. Secondly to have to go on your own and leave your partner behind. Thirdly it's a long day and you don't want to feed them properly.

I think you should cut the invited for the ceremony right back to immediate family and have a nice lunch after wards. Better to feed twenty decently than forty and leave them starving.

I'd also look at laying on coaches to at least get from venue to hotel at night, many people won't want to walk in the dark especially if weather is bad.

So I'd cut back on how many guests during th day, feed them better then cut back something in the evening and lay on some coaches.

We had eight to our wedding which was in a tiny tiny register office and then everyone else (100+) for drinks canapés and a full reception with dancing. It worked very well for us, everyone who arrived after the wedding ceremony was primed to party.

@Gubbins - half an hour hanging about aside there will only be a few snacks provided at the reception venue. Would you not be a bit hacked off to take a day off work, travel, not attend the important part of the day and only get a few crisps and some cheese and pineapple on sticks?

So people are having to take a day off work, stay overnight, not come to the ceremony and you're not going to feed them? {shock}

I agree with this ^^^

To answer you're question OP, yes, you are being rude, in asking people to spend money, take time off work, travel, then exclude them from the ceremony AND then not feed them properly!!

Just invite the number of people you can afford to look after properly!

LOl your wedding is going to be one of those guests come on to Mn about "I had to stand outside whilst my DO was in the ceremony, then there wasn't even any good! Just a tiny salmon bagel and I didn't even get any because they were eaten by the people standing near the door"

For clarity, it sounds bad!

You have to feed people. I can't actually even believe you think it's fine not to feed people.

Oh god is it a weekday wedding as well? Shit wedding bingo!!!!

Could you not have the ceremony in the room you will be having the reception in so that everyone can attend?

Right so, to clear things up.

Wedding is at 4pm, the reception is booked from 4.30pm. It's just not just a few canapes, its more of a 'buffet' if you like. I was trying to avoid that word before everyone thought it was tacky.
We have a fair few children coming (yes I am aware they probably won't stay really late) and I didn't want the pressure of them having to sit for long periods of time. I didn't want people to be placed in a seating plan for reasons I won't go into but it just wouldn't work. I want people to be happy and relaxed and just enjoy themselves. We have an indoor bit and bar and then a big garden that will have music, benches, picnic blankets etc.
No one that we are inviting would mind taking the day off work - those that need too/take children out of school have already been asked and they will be 'there with bells on'
We certainly do not have a big budget but we are getting married because we love each other and to celebrate the end of a very difficult time for the family.

OP, is there any way you can go back to the drawing board with the venue? It's their cock up, after all! Is it possible to look at other dates, or will this cause an insurmountable headache with the reception venue?
Can you outline the timings/logistics of the day? Maybe we can help tweak some features to help it be a more hospitable day for all of your guests?

Most people won't mind missing the ceremony if it's a bit of a walk from the reception. It's only the closest family and friends that will be bothered about it.

I think it's important to feed your guests properly otherwise many of them will leave early and it won't be much of a party. Some years ago I went to a wedding with almost no food and guests were taking it in turns to do trips to the local chip shop.

"I've been to a couple of weddings where only a few guests could get in"

Like Lynette, I too have been to such a wedding.

The core guests (family mostly) went into the actual ceremony and were seated there. The rest of us gathered in the foyer of the building and outside to throw confetti.

We didn't know in advance, just arrived to have an usher explain that (as it turned out) there wasn't enough room, so would half of us grab a box of confetti and gather outside.

There was a basket with lots of boxes of confetti and there were also a dozen or so umbrellas that people could have used had it rained (it didn't).

As it turned out, quite a few 'extra' people got to stand at the back anyway, so (by the time all the smokers shot straight outside as soon as the usher spoke) there wasn't that much of a discrepancy anyway.

I have no idea if anyone minded. I don't think so (I certainly didn't).