Is this really rude? (Wedding stuff)

[WomanEmpire]

We have a maximum allowance of 42 guests for the ceremony.

150 for Reception.

Now tallying it up we are 22 over the Ceremony allowance and that's really cutting out people we would rather not have too.

Is it rude to have plus 1s only invited to the reception?

So for example:
Godmother and 2DD's invited to both and her partner only invited to the reception.
There's a few family's that if we did this for the lesser known partner it would help out massively.

Is this beyond rude/awkward/bad form or acceptable?

You need to up the food. People are going to expect at least one full meal (dinner) if not two. Bits and bobs is really not going to cut it, and would be very unfair on your guests, especially if they're going to be taking time off work to attend.

Go read the Worst Weddings thread and then have a rethink.

I don't think this would work purely because of travel etc. I think you're going to have to just cut down who comes to the ceremony, if you really can't change the date.

At the very least, have something for the others to do. Canapés and a drink whilst they wait or something. It's a strange setup though.

How about this if there are kids amongst them
Venue cocked up rooms so ask them for a space for around 20.
Hire some local babysitters/kiddyplay types to take care of all kids between say aged three and late teens (non lap sitters and those who can help). collect loo rolls, rubber bands, paper and crayons to decorate home made confetti rockets (see youtube). They can be playing wedding games and making these great little things for the b&g for forty minutes or so. Do wedding with rest then rejoin for pics. Confetti rockets and reception.

I think you're going to have to be brutal with your daytime guests. I'd rather invite the entire family to the evening rather than single out some members of one family for the daytime.
Parents, grandparents, siblings and spouses only to start with if numbers are strictly limited. Aunts and uncle, cousins, friends, colleagues, godparents distant relatives and university friends to night time only.

My two closest friends have been invited to my wedding ceremony and breakfast partners and kids coming only to reception much later, and dbils gf and her children invited to reception only also (we don't know her at all). We just explained to those guests we really want you there but can afford to add in another 12 people, but would completely understand if they couldn't/didn't want to attend with out their oh ect. No one's complained about it (in fact on friend is very happy to be attending alone rather than with 5kids and partner in tow)

When people go to parties, do they all starve if there is no sit down meal?
Surely if there is a spread that still fills people up? Salads, salmon bagels, bowls of potato salad, cous cous, risotto, rice etc? I think DP's nana is pretty intent on making food from their culture too (but that is a bonus not banking on that) we really aren't a sit down meal kinda people, I'd much rather children running around having fun and people having a boogie.
We are paying for a brunch for the immediate family and close friends the following morning.

Ah uou asked then got very defensive, no one is disputing why you're getting married or if uou love each other..😔

If it's a late afternoon wedding and youre providing a buffet I think it's fine. They should know to eat befor they come. Is there another buffet in the evening or is that one for all 150, sorry I'm a bit confused.

If the venue have cocked up, it's down to them to fix. I would be pushing for a weekend wedding but paying week day prices (if that's the issue), so your wedding party doesn't ahve to take another day off work (in my experience, it's easy enough to cancel leave so they should get their day back).

Otherwise, wedding party only at the wedding ceremony, be clear you are inviting everyone to evening reception only, if you push that back to start at 5/5:30, a lot of people won't have to take the day off, just finish early (and not have to take DCs out of school).

It sounds lovely OP
Take no notice of the hardcore traditionalists
If folks don't need to arrive till 4 for ceremony (or pub) and receptions from 4.30m they will have had lunch and then buffet is clearly for tea/dinner/supper/whatever.

So long as you arrive with fanfare/sense of occasion- (and not after 4 hours of fannying around with photos etc) it will be great.
I'd not split families with the invitation to the ceremony.

Lots of cheese and crackers, if that sways anyone. Haha

There's nothing 'tacky' about a buffet! Now you've explained there is more than just a few canapes, it all sounds fine!

@Bluntness we don't have 150 guests for reception, sorry didn't make that clear. We have space for that amount but aren't going to invite that many - it will be ceremony guests plus friends and family that aren't that close, I was kinda leaving the other reception invites as a 'drop in if you feel like it' kinda thing.

Most of my family have just got married in fields and/or had house parties for the reception so I am a little clueless. DP's mum will have a heart attack when she sees there is no sit down meal though.

Surely if your wedding is in the late afternoon, then people will have had their lunch beforehand, so a buffet style should be absolutely fine imho!

It is all a bit odd but agree that as long as you don't split couples it will be fine. If people are bothered they won't come. Just don't be annoyed if people decide not to come.

My husband was an usher at a wedding and because the room the couple were getting married in was small he didn't see them get married! Didn't help he saw on the plan for the day that those who attended the ceremony got champagne while us lot hanging around got prosecco
To be honest it felt really weird to not see the couple get married but then the whole wedding was a bit strange!

Hmm - drip feed on the food OP. What the hell is wrong with saying it's a buffet? Maybe I'm getting old and set in my ways, but for the main meal of the day I would always prefer a sit down meal.

Kids running around and people having a boogie is all very well, but it can be a long day, especially if people have travelled to join you.

I know people say you should have what you want at your wedding, but being a good host is about looking after your guests, ensuring they are comfortable and well catered for.

AntiBoop definitely wouldn't be upset by people not able to come. It really isn't a huge deal, we are not asking for presents and there is no dress code. I really just want people to feel (and look!) happy.

DP and I received an invitation like this from a work colleague of his. So him to go to the day and then both of us for the evening. I didn't go as I thought it a bit rude. I completely understand limits on numbers but just invite both to the evening rather than the couple having to go separately.

Drop in if you feel like it? Christ, if I was told that I'd just stay away.

Hard core traditionalists - is that a new way of saying 'people who care about looking after their guests'?

Why would people decide not to come to what sounds like a nice party to celebrate a wedding?

It's not like inviting people to an "evening do" that starts at 8pm in some godforsaken hotel, with no catering, as a total afterthought

The party is the main event - I'd just keep ceremony really small numbers, so its clear there is no snub to not being invited. Make your arrival in to a "thing" and do all the speeches/toasts/etc at the party. Low-key and lovely.

My husbands cousin done this, all cousins invited but bf/gf to come to reception.

I would rethink your venue if you are able. You definitely can't split families up in the way you describe. Or, as others have said, bridal party only to the ceremony and then the division is very clear and far less likely to cause any offence. It's a bit off to tell people they are essentially a spare on a wedding invitation.

I would just have your bridal party rather than splitting up couples.

It change the ceremony venue.

Meant to say or